Chapter 6

The girls were talking but I wasn’t processing a word. I walked straight up to Sam. She was sitting on the coffee table in front of my old armchair. I knelt down. I picked up her foot. I yanked the zipper down, pulled the boot off, and threw it into the closet.

“I assumed you wouldn’t mind and--” She stopped when I looked at her. She slid back on the table and frowned and turned her eyes away.

“Fuck!” I muttered in frustration. I cleared my throat and looked over my shoulder right into Max’s eyes. “Girls, front and center.”

“What?” she asked. Alex dashed from the staircase railing to stand knee to knee with Sam. Sam climbed to her feet. Her shoulders were slumped and she would’ve been standing behind Alex, if she could have inched back without hitting the table. Max ran over and stood on Sam’s other side. I collapsed into my armchair.

“What’s wrong with me?” I ran my hands back through my hair.

“There’s nothing wrong--” Alex didn’t shut up when I stared her down like Sam had. She squared her shoulders, and looked more determined than concerned. “Nothing at all.”

“What do you need us to do? Anything at all. Just say it,” Sam promised. I could see fear in her face, and my guts cartwheeled. I didn’t want to upset these girls. I didn’t want to hurt them. I was a nobody, thirty-one, without a life, and I wasn’t going to be the albatross around any one of their necks.

“You don’t listen to me.” I laughed miserably. “I like that.”

“You keep saying stupid things,” Max spoke up. “You keep telling us how to think and act. How to feel and what choices we should make.”

“Yeah, just man up already,” Alex smiled warmly. “Why should we make all of our stupid mistakes with idiot boys who are making the same mistakes?”

“There are three of you,” I huffed, and rolled my shoulders back. I stood up. There wasn’t much room between the chair and the table, so I was in Sam’s face. She looked up.

“Is three not enough? We can find you other girls, or--”

“You touch another girl and I’ll kill her.” Alex beamed. I looked shocked. She twisted her lips and laughed. “Not kill her, kill her. I’d mostly just cry and write short plays about killing her ... Or about wishing she wasn’t happy.”

“Sam, don’t ever let someone push you around and make you their ‘other’ girl,” I sighed. “And it was a nice try, but I won’t be blackmailed by your tears and hurt the others because you’re less afraid to speak your feelings, Alex.”

“Blackmail, what--”

“I get angry when you see another pretty girl, don’t listen to Sam. Her idea’s crazy,” Max interjected.

The gears in my head were turning fast and running hot. I was drawing so little willpower from my reserves, maybe I even thought it was a good idea. I wanted to illustrate how dangerous this was. They needed to know how much power I had right then and there. It didn’t help that I was looking into Sam’s innocent face. She was too pretty with her big eyes and parted lips, her flushed cheeks and shaking shoulders. I grabbed her head, teasing her silky brown hair through my fingers. I kissed her.

I made a go of it. I overwhelmed the shit out of her. She was melting like jelly. I had never felt so powerful in my life. This was only part one. I felt her tongue and I pulled her back up straight and withdrew.

“Wow, I never knew it could be that good,” Sam smiled dopily as I sidestepped and grabbed Max. I knew why I didn’t go for Alex. Out of all of them, Alex’s bright-smile, big-eyes-and-eyelashes, Disney-princess innocence slapped me in the face. She seemed the most fragile. I somehow knew she would be the toughest. I was a monster.

Max giggled when our lips touched. She was a live wire of exposed nerves. Her feet bounced and distracted my aim. I took a second run at her lips. She lightninged her hands around my waist. She wasn’t about to be passive and surprised like Sam had been.

She rushed forward. Her lips opened and she teased inside my mouth with her tongue. A bullfighter’s red cape if my own tongue was the bull. I cupped the back of her head. Her red hair was soft, but coarser than Sam’s. Her skin was warmer, her lips larger. She folded her chest right against mine and I felt her breasts pushing against me. She felt me as well. I hurried back.

“How come you didn’t kiss her as long?” Alex asked. Her honesty in the question scared me. Why do we drive on the right side of the road? Curious about the world. I was in a different state of mind. She might as well have asked, “Why do forks fit so well in electrical sockets?”

“What?” I looked from Alex, warm and curious, to Sam, dizzy and giddy, to Max, heated and energized. She had refused to let go of my hips. She used her head to point to Alex.

“It’s OK, she needs her first kiss too and--”

“We shouldn’t lie!” Alex spiked the room with worry. I turned. I was starting to feel relief. Had I a moment to let the momentum boil off, to let the rider get my elephant under control, I might’ve come up with a sane plan. Sam still looked dazed, and Max still hadn’t let go, but Alex was lucid enough. She was getting it. There were only two ways for this to go. I could hurt two of them, then the third, or I could hurt all three of them together. I was sure she was getting it. I nodded for her to go on.

“I got asked out to a dance in grade 9. I was so afraid Spencer was going to kiss me, and I didn’t know what to do, so I bullied Max into practicing. You won’t be my first kiss.”

“Really?” Sam’s eyes opened wider.

“What?” That had nothing to do with what I was expecting.

“You’ll be the first boy, though! Spencer didn’t even try, so when he asked me for a second date, I said no,” she assured me. Alex reached out to me with both hands. I looked at Sam. I needed another approach.

“Sam, I just kissed a girl who wasn’t you?”

“It was hot.” She touched my chest. I staggered back.

“Max?”

“Are you OK?” she worried. “I liked it, but we can go slow if you really meant that?”

I fled. I didn’t remember it but I must’ve taken my jacket off before I had taken that boot off Sam, because I was only wearing my shirt and jeans when I opened my front door.

The wind howled past me and up the stairs behind me. The girls squealed (Max squealed, Sam cursed, Alex asked the others if they didn’t think the swaying building was at least a little fun). I was chilled to the bone. That new neighbor was setting out with a black toque, white earmuffs, black mittens, and a white parka. She covered her face with a black and white striped scarf.

“You might want to respect the winter a bit better before you go running off into it dressed like a moron,” she warned. I slammed the door. I turned back to the stairs. The girls were up there. As were my winter clothes. I was stuck.

I had no idea how I was going to tackle this. I had no words. I had to say something. I clenched my jaw, and soldiered back up the stairs. They were still where I’d left them, standing at attention in front of my coffee table. I didn’t know what to do. Hanging in my closet, in the pocket of her coat, Max’s phone rang.

“Shit!” She dashed by me and fished out her Samsung. “Oh my God. Shh girls, Gene, please?”

I nodded, hoping that a moment with my thoughts would revive the hamster which had fallen out of its wheel. That’s how brains work; trust me, I was in pre-med for almost a semester. I was broken. I was terrified that I was a piece of shit, but so happy I got to kiss those two girls.

“Daddy!” Max beamed, sarcasm dripping from her words like venom. “You always pick the best time to call.”

My apartment shook and the pots on my kitchen counter rattled loudly.

“I’m just at a friend’s place.” She gave me an apologetic frown for calling me just a friend. I staggered. I dropped into my chair. Alex knelt down in front of me. Sam settled on the table.

“In the South End,” Max replied. “It could be nicer, I suppose. But, I--Are you sure? I’d be interrupting everything and ... Let me ask first, alright?”

We all looked at her. She had clenched teeth, and terror in her eyes. She muted her phone and panicked. “My dad wants to talk to you.”

Maybe that’d help me form an argument to shut these girls down. God, I’m so glad I del--No, I wish I had acted. I wish I hadn’t ki--No, I knew I didn’t regret anything. Her dad asked to talk to me? I smiled and nodded.

“I’m going to put you on speaker, alright Daddy? Oh shit.” She unmuted the phone and repeated her question.

“Hi-ii Wayne!” Alex singsonged immediately.

“Oh, girlfriends is it?” The voice through the phone sounded big and jolly. “Here I was worried that my little girl was off at some boy’s house.”

“It’s my apartment, actually,” I spoke up. Max freaked for a moment as she sat down next to Sam and held out the phone in the middle of the group.

“Is it now?” he said, clearly ready to continue but Sam interjected.

“I’m here too!” she squeaked.

“And you are?”

“That’s Sam, Daddy. My roommate. Remember? You met her in October?”

“Oh yes, the brunette one! Hello again, Sam Daddy!” He chuckled for a moment. Max winced at the off-the-rack dad joke.

“It’s just the four of us, Daddy,” Max said hurriedly. “We stopped by his place after going for milkshakes.”

“OK, sorry to interrupt your little party, girls, but ... young man, you might want to see the ladies home.” There was a strength to that command. “Your mother and I, Maxie, just saw the weather report, and it’s going to be a hell of a storm.”

“If that’s the case, maybe we’d be better staying safe where we’re at.” The wind hit again; the rattle almost overcame Alex’s plea. Snow and sleet started pelting my window. She wasn’t wrong.

“Young man?”

“Gene, sir,” I answered.

“Gene, I expect you to be a gentleman. Listen to the girls, then make a decision. Walk them home or keep them safe. Believe me, I’ll be picking my daughter’s ear in the morning.”

“She’ll be safe and sound when you do,” I agreed.

“So, Max, your mom’s giving me the look. Is this Gene husband material? Or--”

Max gave out a shout as she scooped up her phone and turned off the speaker. She stuffed it against her ear. Her cheeks were redder than her hair.