Chapter 5

“You saved me!” Paul proclaimed as Frankie and I struggled to pull him in towards shore. The poor bastard shivered frantically and coughed up a lot of water. He was soaked from head to toe, but did manage to crawl onto the riverbank under his own strength. He laughed, almost hysterically, in a state of disbelief before collapsing onto the hard, dry ground. He rolled over onto his back and stared up at the blue sky. “Thank you God!” he wheezed over and over again.

“Fuck,” I mumbled to myself, hardly able to stand upright any longer. I plopped down onto a big rock and leaned my elbows against my knees with my head throbbing between my hands. The ground spun underfoot while a pain erupted behind my eyes. I rubbed my temples, trying to alleviate the pressure, but it did little to help.

“You should be thanking Buck not the Lord,” Frankie said in his own dumb, fucking way. “The boss here risked his neck to save yers. Not sure what God really did...”

“Huh?” I heard Paul say. “Did you really do that for me Buck?”

“It was no problem,” I said without raising my sore head. “Just don’t do anything so stupid in the future.”

“Yeah right,” Frankie snorts. “Buck nearly died helping you. Just look at his limp horse.”

I didn’t turn to see, but could imagine Frankie pointing towards my fallen steed.

“She crashed ... couldn’t make the leap and nearly crushed the boss when she fell. But our Mad Cowboy pulled off the miracle. Somehow managed to free himself in mid air. Won’t see nothing like that again. Buck sure looked possessed, never seen anyone ride reckless as he did to save yer neck. Most wouldn’t have...”

“That’s enough Frankie!” I shouted out in disgust, still holding my throbbing head between my hands. “You’re giving me a headache.”

“Why did you do that Buck?” Paul asked. “You don’t even like me...”

“What?” I finally looked over at the shivering pastor.

He sat, soaked on the stony ground, with a perplexed expression sketched onto his dripping face.

“What the fuck does liking you have to do with it?” I returned his confused glare with one of my own.

“Well it’s just that you and I don’t really see eye to eye and...” Paul took a moment to find the right words but should’ve taken longer as he failed miserably. “And there’s the whole thing with you and Allison and...”

I interrupted him before he could say something really stupid. “Liking you has nothing to do with it,” I said, repulsed at the thought. “You’re part of my crew and your wellbeing tops my priorities. I’ll do all I can to make sure each and every one of you assholes arrive safely back in town whether I like any of you or not.”

“But still...” Paul countered, clearly not getting it.

“I don’t know what kind of world you come from Pastor,” I interrupted him again. “But out here we all are all we got.” I pointed my index finger in the air and circled it around us for affect. “In fact the only thing we ever have is each other. It’s always been us against everything else and everything else is way bigger than anything we can be alone. Take it from me ... I know full well.”

Paul and Frankie each stared at me with a dumbfound expression.

“Ain’t nobody else going to watch our backs or save our sorry asses but each other. I only hope you’d do the same for me or the same for Frankie if either of us ever done need it? Because if we can’t count on each other then all this...” I pointed to the trees, the river and the plains. “This here will EAT us alive!”

Paul nodded for a few seconds while considering my words. “I understand,” he said at long last. He slowly stood to his feet and hobbled over to me. He extended his wet hand for me to take. “Still though, I want to thank you properly.”

“You still don’t get it then,” I stood up but didn’t accept his handshake. I faced him momentarily. “You don’t have to thank me for doing my goddamned job.” And with that I turned to escape this awkward exchange.

The world continued to wobble around me but I didn’t let it show. I wouldn’t look weak in front of the boys, so I forced myself to walk in a straight path towards the tree line. In there I dropped my drawers and took a much needed piss.

I cleaned myself up in the solitude of some tree cover and felt more like myself with each passing minute. A good piss and a big drink of water certainly helped. I used my bandana as a bandage by wrapping my head wound with it. It certainly wasn’t fancy but it would suffice until Clyde could patch me up better.

Now there was the matter of my fallen steed.

“Sorry girl,” I said to my collapsed horse as I walked up to her moments later.

The poor thing was wailing in agony, lying and kicking on her side. I knew her leg was broken based on her struggle to stand.

“She’s done boss,” Frankie confirmed my suspicion. He and Paul stood by, waiting for my arrival.

“Got to put you down,” I whispered while rubbing her head softly. She tried to look at me, but couldn’t quite turn her head enough. “You did good. Just know that.”

And I meant it. This was an amazing creature and I’d surely miss her as we carried on in her absence. Ending her life filled me with a deep sadness, though I couldn’t show it in front of the boys.

Worse of all I’d have to do this the old fashioned way as none of us were carrying firearms. Our guns were safely stored in the chuck wagon and that had to be a thirty minute walk from here.

“I’ll have to do this by hand,” I said more to myself then to anyone else. “Give me a hand with the saddle first.”

“Sure boss,” the boys replied in unison.

It took a few minutes but we finally managed to remove the saddle from underneath the suffering animal. I picked up the saddlebag and begin rooting through it, looking for my four inch blade amongst my gear.

“Here it is,” I said as I pulled it from its sheath.

Paul and Frankie both understood what was about to happen. They took a step backwards for safety. I too didn’t want to get kicked so I stood above her head and did my best to hide the blade from her sight.

In one quick motion, I placed the blade firmly against her neck and pressed hard, cutting deep into her jugular. I jumped back as she jerked about. Thankfully her thrashing didn’t last long and the creature bled out quickly, in little agony.

I watched as the life drained from her eyes, just as I’d done countless other times with several different animals. I wondered each time if they had a soul or not and this event was no different. Soon she went still and I knew her suffering was over. At least that much was comforting.

“Time to go,” I said to the boys, forcing an optimistic tone. “You should ride ahead Frankie. The boys are likely missing you by now.”

“Will do boss,” Frankie said with more respect than usual. He placed my gear on the back of his ride. “I’ll tell them Paul is okay.”

“Good,” I nod. “We’ll be there in a bit.”

And with that Frankie rode away cautiously, trotting along the riverbank, leaving me and the preacher to walk it alone.

“We’re going to need you back in the river guiding cows,” I said as he and I strolled along stony ground. “Is that going to be a problem?”

“Oh I ... I ... ah ... I don’t know,” Paul stuttered nervously, wrapping himself tighter in Frankie’s dirty blanket.

I stopped to study my colleague and he did the same to me. Our eyes locked and then I saw it... For fuck’s sake! He’s got that same goddamned look of trauma I’d seen in others who’d had close calls on the trails. I hated that look for it made a man useless to the rest of us.

“It’s okay if you want to avoid the river,” I offered reassuringly. “Nobody will hold it against you, but you still have to pull your weight.”

“I understand,” Paul said with his mouth but his body language sung a different tune.

This filled me with concern for I’d been on cattle drives where men had close calls. In fact, on my last trip a drover fell off his horse and got trampled by the herd. Miraculously the poor bastard was unhurt but shook uncontrollably nonetheless and refused to go back out that afterwards. None of us knew what to do so we let him drive along in the goddamned Chuck Wagon.

That had to be a mistake for the dumb fuck got so used to it in there that he refused to come out and help in any meaningful way. We had two fucking cooks the rest of that trip and, subsequently, were shorthanded with the cattle.

It was a royal pain in the ass and I couldn’t let that happen again. Especially since Dolan gypped me of two men already. By my math, we should have at least ten dedicated drovers but only had eight plus Clyde and Jacob meaning we’re working this herd on the light side of manpower as is. I can’t afford to lose Paul so I have to think fast.

“Tell you what,” I said, patting him on the back. “You take over for Frankie when we get back and we’ll see how you feel tomorrow about going back into the water. We ain’t gonna get this done today that’s for sure.”

“What about Ricardo’s job or even Jose’s?” Paul asked. “I could take over for one of them and watch the grazing cattle.”

Funny Paul asked, for giving him one of their jobs was my first instinct as well. Either task was certainly safer, but the problem, as I saw it, is there’s too much idle time with both of those positions. Paul will just sit there, all day, all alone, on his horse and relive his fateful event. That could easily lead to the type of fear I desperately want him to avoid.

No I needed to get him doing a job that would keep his mind occupied.

“Yeah, but I don’t trust either of them to do Frankie’s job,” I said with a forced smile. “I need you Paul. Can I count on you to get it done?”

He didn’t respond right away.

I could tell he was thinking it over.

I looked him in the face hoping to see some confidence.

He stared down at the ground before replying. “Sure thing boss,” he said as he looked me in the eye.

Ah, there’s that poise. I hadn’t lost him.

“Thank God,” I whispered to myself as we carried along the river’s edge.

Four uneventful days later I rode ahead of the herd, having defeated the river, looking to overcome our next challenge. This time we needed a clean path around a large rock formation which was too steep to climb over. Crusher ran by side me but I paid him little attention. Instead I found myself daydreaming about my favourite topic.

Allison.

I often do this when riding point all by myself. What else is there to do?