1: Damaged Gaydar

“And then he tripped over the receiver, dropping the ball.” The storyteller laughed, slapping his knee. “The guy’s a real jerk. He deserved it.”

Taylor Barnes smiled. His friend, Greg “Boomer” Magee, preferred tales which end with someone injured or humiliated, but he’d heard it a few times. Once Boomer found a story he liked, he repeated it often.

As the other boys continued joking, he closed his locker. It was the end of the day, and with no practice, he was eager to get home. Slipping his books into his bookbag, Taylor observed the other kids getting their things together. He was about to head off, when one of the band members caught his eye.

The kid, whom he recognized as Jacob, another senior, was watching him while talking with his friends. When their eyes met, Jacob raised an eyebrow. Taylor recognized the look. He hadn’t had much practice giving them, but he’d learned to appreciate them. From the one glance, he knew that Jacob was gay and interested in getting together.

He jerked back, as if surprised by a bee, and the discussion between his teammates was forgotten. He’d never gotten that look in school before. In fact, the only time he’d received it was during a football camp the previous summer.

As the lead quarterback, with college recruiters fielding him offers, no one ever pegged Taylor as gay. Jacob was what he referred to as a ‘flamer’. There was little doubt that he was as gay as they come. He played in the band and was on the glee club. His wrists were so limp they appeared to be broken and he had little control over how they responded.

So far, Taylor had managed to hide his sexuality and wanted to preserve his anonymity. He had too much to lose. With the future he was aiming for, he was satisfied sacrificing high school romances. Yet somehow, Jacob had seen through his subterfuge. Either his gaydar was particularly effective, or Taylor was overconfident about his ability to blend in. Try as he might, he couldn’t recall dropping any clues Jacob might have picked up.

Unlike him, Jacob was a lean, scrawny kid. They were both seniors, so Taylor was familiar with the other boy. He was in each of the drama club’s plays and had his own fan base, which included several of Taylor’s teammates’ girlfriends, but they’d never interacted before. Jacob was cute with a boyish body, short sun-bleached hair and an innocent appearance, but he had a reputation for reading people. Several girls around school laughed about stories he’d tell about other students.

Taylor considered what he knew of Jacob. As far as he recalled, the punch line of each story was some clever quip about the person’s interests, rather than anything about their lives. Jacob didn’t qualify as a gossip, but still, this was dangerous territory both were treading.

Despite his trepidation, he couldn’t prevent his own brow from arching, asking a silent question invisible to everyone else. When Jacob looked questioningly at him, he motioned towards the football field with the finger holding his back pack’s strap. Jacob smiled, nodded, and went back to his conversation.

Not noticing his preoccupation, Boomer turned to him. “Why don’t we head out and grab some food?”

Boomer was a bulky linebacker, weighing in at 240 pounds. He wasn’t the sharpest crayon in the pack, but was a loyal friend.

Taylor waved the suggestion off, immediately reminded of Jacob’s limp wrists. He regretted the action, but continued on as if he hadn’t slipped up. “Nah, I’ve got some things to catch up on.”

“You’ve got to go easy on the studying. You’ll get your scholarship and coast through college. There’s no sense making the rest of us look bad.”

Taylor put his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “It’s not that I’m showing off, but I don’t want to lose my future if I get injured. I intend to get my degree legitimately. I’d rather not work for all the computer geeks after I graduate.”

Boomer stood erect, puffing his chest out. “I’ll get a scholarship to college, grab my sheepskin, and be hired as a coach. With the contacts I’ll make through football, I’ll have an inside edge on a ton of jobs.”

“Anyway, I can’t go out now. There are a few loose ends I need to clean up before heading home.”

Boomer and the others shrugged. “Whatever, we’ll catch you next time.”

Instead of leaving via the main entrance, Taylor headed out the back way. Boomer glanced back, but didn’t seem curious where he was going. Feeling conspicuous, Taylor surveyed those walking past, expecting everyone to guess his intent. When he reached the back door, he breathed a sigh of relief. He was sure no one had caught him. His secret was safe, and to his surprise, he was heading for a rendezvous on his own home ground.

Despite the fact he ran to the stadium nearly every day, the familiar trek seemed endless. He replayed the scene in his mind, wondering whether he had unintentionally broadcast some subtle clue, or if Jacob was cleverer than he gave Taylor credit for. It was like his gaydar had sprung a leak, signaling he was available to others but weakening his own perceptions.

He surveyed the field, seeing no one he recognized. The cheerleaders were practicing their routines, but they wouldn’t impact him.

Taylor considered Jacob. Though not his type, Jacob was an attractive guy. While Taylor liked big men, especially those who worked out and developed their bodies, Jacob had a delightful ‘surfer boy’ physique with clean lines. He didn’t have Taylor’s bulging chest, but his stomach was tight. He was anticipating their meeting. He was, for all practical purposes, still a virgin. In an effort to preempt any gossip, he’d bowed to pressure and slept with two girls at school. He picked the two biggest gossips specifically so they’d talk about him. The first ended with a blowjob, which he appreciated because he could close his eyes and imagine someone else. The second wanted to go all the way, and Taylor tried. He succeeded, but kept losing his erection. Luckily the girl didn’t want to embarrass him and spoke glowingly of his prowess—which improved both their standings. But this might be his first real homosexual experience, aside from that single make out session the previous summer. He’d have done more, as he’d been attracted to the kid, but the camp ended the next day and they never had the opportunity.

He shivered, the word ‘homosexual’ causing his skin to crawl. His entire family was homophobic. His father and Caitlyn, his younger sister, made fun of gays—both on TV and in their lives. When his father, Andrew, sought to motivate his son, he’d call Taylor a ‘gay pussy’. He’d never understood what that meant, but he didn’t argue the point. It had motivated him, but only because he tried doubly hard to shut his father up.

When he reached the safety of the bleachers, he turned and noted Jacob following. His stomach felt like it was dropping. He’d thought of this moment multiple times, but facing it was entirely different. He was excited but nervous. Would Jacob mock him for being so inexperienced? Would he talk about it to score points with his friends? Most of all, this would mean he was really gay. However, he didn’t even understand what that meant. Was he turning his back on the life his parents wanted for him? Was there no turning back after the first time? Might this end up with his visiting public rest rooms, looking for anonymous sex from total strangers? Taylor had little knowledge about the gay lifestyle. He was so naïve he wasn’t sure what to think. He couldn’t sneak porn into his home for fear his parents might discover it. Researching articles on gays might show in his search history, or worse, result in gay ads popping up on his screen. He groaned, considering how his parents would respond.