Chapter 4

If I had known just how perfectly my day would end, I would have skipped the rest of the week and just stayed in.

I hadn’t expected Anna to be such a take charge kind of girl, but she was quickly issuing orders in Japanese, and things starting hopping. For example, she didn’t think that a stool would be comfortable enough for me to use for any length of time, and as I had papers that I needed to write, she had a point. What I hadn’t expected was for her to buy a massage chair to use as a desk chair. With the head rest removed, it turned out to be fairly comfortable.

She had me hand my keys over to one of the guards, and off he went to my dorm room to retrieve my things. I wondered if I remembered to clean up before they walked in.

When she learned that I didn’t own a computer or a laptop, she had one delivered. It was a state of the art laptop, and I spent the rest of the afternoon loading Linux onto it. Fortunately, the Internet connection was incredibly fast.

By early evening, I had sent out several emails to my instructors explaining that I had been injured, and was unable to attend class for several weeks, and would they kindly email me my assignments until such time as I was able to return.

I’d missed breakfast and lunch, so when dinner rolled around, I was unsurprisingly starved. The meal was a delight, and the ladies plus the household staff were very kind if a bit reserved. My last assignment was for someone, Anna it turned out, to call Mike at the State Department to let him know that I was convalescing with friends until such time as I could function on my own again. I would have done it myself, but I don’t own a cell phone, and there were no phones in the house.

With my books delivered, and my external hard drive in hand, I was able to catch up on what I had missed, and begin to sketch out the next two papers that would be due. All in all, I found myself in a much better situation that I had any reasonable right to expect.

That evening, Anna and Risa both led me into a huge walk in shower, and proceeded to bathe me, and tend to my wounds. Anna was everything I expected she would be when I saw her without clothing. My cock rose without thought at her flawless skin. Images of her underneath me, her body responding to my body flashed through my mind, quickly followed by images of her with Risa. Not even the codeine could stop my cock from growing.

Anna’s eyes rose on seeing my cock. She seemed mesmerized by it. While I was a bit larger than normal, her response seemed unnatural. I wondered if she had never seen one in person before. That made me wonder how a person who was raised in Japan could have never seen one considering that nudity was not truly taboo in their culture.

Risa made her tsking sounds as she examined the holes in my back. She greatly disproved of the way I had removed the barbs. Anna didn’t say much, her large eyes watching me with a solemnity that left me feeling uncomfortable. I was patted dry, the two of them examining my erection, Risa in an almost clinical way, while Anna continued to look fascinated, when they got to that part of my anatomy.

Then they led me nude into the master bedroom where an older Japanese woman proceeded to rebandage my wounds, and place another gel wrap on my shoulder. I didn’t feel comfortable standing naked while she, a stranger, worked on my back, cultural norm or not. In my defense though, it might have been the smirk on her face, or the wink she gave me when she left that left me feeling embarrassed.

“Eric,” Risa began after I had been tended to, “Do you feel up to making use of your beautiful equipment and participate in an experiment?” her eyes looking at me with thinly veiled lust. I looked between her and Anna.

“No, Anna is not for you, but she is interested in participating in another way,” Risa explained.

I sat down on the bed, thinking, my cock slowly wilting. Why did I have to make this complicated? Because you give a shit, I answered myself.

“I ... I don’t know,” I began, “I’m ... with what happened with my ex, I’m still confused ... scared,” I turned to look at both of them. They stood before me unconcerned with their nudity. Anna looked hopeful, while Risa listened carefully, “I explained before, I don’t ... I... , “ I sighed, “I don’t really know what it is I am feeling,” I ended.

“You didn’t seem to have any problems with me,” Risa suggested.

“Something was different with you,” I smiled, looking her in the eyes, “It was magical, and beautiful, but mostly, I could feel just how deeply you needed to be with me. I felt strong, powerful. I felt that you would give yourself to me completely,” I tried to explain. I was out of my depth in trying to explain my feelings and my sexual desires.

“What do you want, Eric? What do you need?” Risa asked, kneeling before me. Anna moved with her, the two kneeling on the floor at my feet as I sat on the bed. The image was so beautiful, so serene. I felt a lump in my throat, my eyes starting to water. I tried to blink them away.

“I want to posses you, to make you mine. Maybe even both of you,” I added, looking at Anna. She smiled a serene smile that confused me. I had just admitted to wanting to own them both, and they looked at me like they were very pleased with what I had said, “I want you to worship my body like you did before. But I don’t know if I could handle it if it ended. I need to own you forever,”

Risa’s eyes were wide. Anna looked like she had just heard her favorite love poetry. I felt miserable. Again, I had exposed myself to Risa, and now Anna and I felt raw.

“But it isn’t just about the sex,” I continued on, “my father wanted a large family,” I paused as I reflected on my father and out talks, “He always told me that I had missed out by not having a baby sister. I cannot say that I understood what he meant by that,” I stopped again, looking down,”but I know it was important to him,”

I felt a moment of emptiness. I fought back tears. I knew what I really wanted. Confessing it though was proving difficult.

“So it isn’t just about sex, but about needing a family with lots of children,” I finished softly. That last revelation left me feeling even more awkward.

“Oh Eric!” Risa exclaimed softly, she stood to sit beside me, her arms wrapping gently around me, “I am yours for as long as I can be,” she began. I felt my heart lurch, “But I cannot be yours forever,” and the crash was somehow a gentle landing, the regret in her voice soothing the ache. Maybe she really did want to be mine forever.

“I feel broken sometimes,” I confessed.

“Why is that?” Anna asked. I was surprised to hear her voice. I turned to look at her.

“The time before Risa, I was with an ex-girlfriend. She was trying to comfort me after I returned to visit my father’s grave,” I began, “At one time we were good together sexually. And this time we started like we normally did, but it felt hallow. I was moving inside of her, but it felt like a lie. She was fucking me because she pitied me, not because she really... Needed to be with me. I got angry. I became ... aggressive seems like such a poor choice of words.

“I flipped her around so that she was on her hands and knees, and grabbed her hair as I started pounding into her. I had no intension of making love any longer; I wanted to punish her for thinking that I needed her pity. Yes, I was hurting, and yes I was feeling alone, but I didn’t need anyone feeling sorry for me.

“She was surprised by the change in position, but she apparently was getting into it, and that pissed me off too. Here I am trying to punish her for thinking that I was weak, and she was getting off on it. So I started spanking her ass. And I am not talking about some gentle, playful swats, I am talking about striking her bare, sweat covered ass as hard as I could. She initially started complaining, whining that I was hurting her, and I started fucking her harder.

“God, I wanted to split her in two with my cock! Somewhere between my striking her ass, and the pounding I was giving her, she started cumming. I mean like HARD. She was wailing and screaming at me to fuck her harder. She wanted me to really fuck her up. That sounded like a delightful idea, so I grabbed her by her throat, and lifted her up so that she couldn’t support her weight with her arms, and tried to split her in two with every stroke I could give her.

“I was biting her shoulder while I was choking her. Her face was turning purple before I grabbed hold of her hair, and let her breath again for a while. I had her bent over backwards, driving myself into her, and she kept cumming, and cumming. I was whispering the nastiest shit I could think of, telling her what a fucking pathetic piece of shit she was for cumming so hard from being fucked like a cum rag. At some point I finally climaxed, and she just passed out.

“Later, when I saw the bruises on her ass and hips, and around her throat, I was devastated. I told her that if she wanted to call the police and report me for rape, I would confess. She looked at me like I had lost my mind, and told me that I had given her the best sex she had ever had, and that the bruises were more than OK.

“I didn’t know how to take that, so I basically kissed her, and packed my shit to leave. I’ve not touched another woman until Risa seduced me,” I finished. I wasn’t able to look either of them in their eyes.

“Lucky bitch,” Anna observed.

“Indeed,” Risa offered.

“What the fuck?” I whispered softly.

Anna and Risa offered me the female patented “You are such a stupid boy, but your cute so we will keep you look”. I wondered if it was passed down from mother to daughter over the many generations or if it was genetically ingrained into very fiber. Either way, I knew I was missing something. Anna patted my hand sympathetically.

“Eric, you don’t understand women,” she stated.

“Uh, does any man?” I challenged. Seriously? I don’t understand women? Yeah, duh!

“Everything about women viewed in through the lens of the relationship they have with the person. If a stranger had done what you did, then yes, it would be bad. But what you did was with someone who loved you, and who you loved,” she began. I was going to say something, but a little voice in my head told me to shut the fuck up and listen, and that questions would be taken at the end of the lecture.

“Why did your relationship with her end?” she asked. I was a bit startled by the subject change, but rolled with it. My father used to do this to me all of the time.

“She was going to college, and I was going into the Army,” I answered.

“Right, and if the two of you had stayed together?” she prompted.

“Uh, if we had stayed together,” I was thinking furiously, “I mean like if we had both attended the same college at the same time?” I tried to clarify.

“Yes,” Anna confirmed. For some reason I don’t think that is what she meant, but it gave me some clarity.

“I guess we wouldn’t have broken up,” I answered.

“Right, and would the two of you have married?” she prompted. How was I supposed to know? I didn’t like making guesses in a vacuum.

“If we hadn’t found other people that we liked more, or were more compatible with? If we had managed to stay together for the years of college and graduate school? If life hadn’t thrown too many obstacles in the path of two kids who thought they were invincible, but in truth were still children? Sure, I suppose,” I offered. Anna was giving me that “Stupid Boy” look again.

“She loves you. You at least loved her once,” she began, “in that context she was more than willing to give of herself to you,”

“So, if a woman loves a man, it is OK to abuse her?” I asked incredulously. Anna and Risa both giggled.

“Depends,” Risa answered.

“Whaaa ... Huh?” I felt like my brain was breaking.

“Love and sex are more complex, more nuanced than you seem to understand,” Risa began.

“And what one person enjoys, another person may hate,” Anna continued.

“Take foot fetishes,” Risa lobbed.

“Or if a person prefers to have sex with the opposite sex or the same sex,” Anna returned.

“A man might find pleasure in being served,” Risa stated.

“Or he might prefer to pleasure another,” Anna finished.

“So what you might have thought was rape,” Risa continued.

“She might have thought of as you pouring out all of your grief, rage, and fear,” Anna concluded.

I was right, my brain was melting. I slowly fell backwards onto the bed, rolling onto my side when I remembered about my shoulder.

“Look, some of this I know. My father’s major was in Philosophy, but he also had a Master’s degree in Social-Psychology. He always complained that you really couldn’t just separate the two disciplines. So he gave me a good grounding in sexual studies from the Kinsey Report,” I stated, “But what I did was violent, not loving,”

“And she loved it,” Risa offered.

“It was violence against a woman,” I corrected, looking at her. I scooted forward on the bed so my legs weren’t hanging off of it at an odd angle.

“It was a display of male power and aggression,” Risa restated, “And believe it or not, there are women who not only enjoy that, but need it,” she stretched out in front of me and started playing with my nipple.

“What? Like masochists?” I was really trying to make the leap. I really wanted to make this leap. The guilt was a deep root that was getting bigger and more painful.

“There are women that fall into that spectrum, yes, but I would say that there are women who would simply love to feel like they had aroused that level of passion and need in their man who have no love for pain,” Anna added. She lay behind me, softly kissing my back as she played with my hair.

“Women are not made of crystal, Eric,” Risa stated, giving me a firm look, “And while men frequently are stronger physically than women, that doesn’t mean that women are weak. A healthy woman can take a great deal of sexual aggression if they are motivated, aroused, and feel safe,”

“Help me here, please?” I looked at Risa, “I really want to understand,” I pleaded. Could she be telling the truth? “I was violent,” I stated clearly.

“And she had multiple orgasms,” Risa finished. Anna giggled softly from behind.

“So my ex loved it?” I tried.

“Your ex loved it with you,” Risa corrected, “She loved that it was with you, and that you needed her that much in that moment,”

“But that isn’t what I was thinking, or feeling,” I stated.

“Are you sure?” Anna asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you sure that wasn’t what you needed in that moment?” Anna restated.

“What? That I needed to try and beat her up sexually?” I asked bitterly.

“No!” Anna and Risa said in unison, “That you needed to release your grief, and that you needed her to be a vessel for your pain and grief,” Risa stated firmly.

I had to think about that. Had she been aware of how deep I was hurting? OK, yeah, that was a stupid question. She had always been very aware of my moods. It was not a gift that I had been able to reciprocate with her at that age sadly.

So, seeing how deeply I was hurting, would she have given herself to me as a kind of sacrifice? That was an interesting question; and one that suggested things about her personality that I had been unaware of, but also very possible. She may not have known exactly how events would have played out, but she loved me enough to let them play out, trusting that I would never really, truly hurt her.

Except that I had. The bruises where evidence of that. Or were they?

Sports, for example, can be violent, even brutal. If I got bruised playing football, would I claim that I had been attacked, or would I say that it had been a rough game? If sex could be a full contact sport, then sure, bruises wouldn’t be a sign that I had hurt her so much as that we had had some very rough sex. Mind you, I hadn’t come out of our sexual marathon unscathed; I had claw marks and bruises of my own. Still, was it simply a matter of accepting that sex could be even more extreme than I had been previously able to fathom? If two people who were both into this kind of rough, hard sex, could it be loving?

I had flown out of Germany straight home when I learned of my father’s death. I had driven straight to his grave, and knelt down next to the freshly turned earth. As the sun was setting, I had returned to my childhood home, and sat in my father’s old arm chair.

She had knocked on the door just after it had gotten dark. She had noticed the car out in front of the house. She had pulled me into her arms, and held me. I think I was the one that started kissing her, but she returned my kisses with a hungry passion. Yes, maybe she wanted what had happened, knowing just how much I had been hurting.

My cheeks were wet again. It was becoming a rather embarrassing habit.

I turned to look at Anna, “If you could, would you be mine?”

Anna nodded. A look of sadness, as well as one of contented peace, shined in her beautiful eyes.

I turned back to Risa, “And for as long as you are able, you will be mine?”

Risa returned my look with a very serious one, “I will be yours for as long as I am able, and desire to be yours even longer,” she confirmed, “You fought to protect us. You fought because you wanted to keep us safe. You’ve proven to be everything Anna believed,” she nodded to Anna, “And I had hoped, you were,”