Chapter 35

First Round Buzz

“I’m not allowed to tell anyone, JT. I suspect that it might get more difficult as I get taller. That is all I can say, because that’s all I understand!”

After the threesome of JT, Masters, and Marc finished up, the scoreboard:

Steven Masters --12 –59 Final

Francesco Molinari --8 –63 Final

Phil Mikkelson --7 –62 Final

Dustin Johnson –6 –61 17^th

10 More PEOPLE AT 5 UNDER

While we waited for CANNON and KT, he ate the other hotdog, two Tootsie Rolls, and his other COKE ZERO!

(POV is HOWITZER)

Dad birdied or better the last five holes, getting to ten under! The Masters Boys are a magnificent duo. I suppose KT made him some sexual promises to motivate him. I hope my Kel becomes as lovely at KT is.

Something just popped in my mind. If Dad is right and Kel and I stay nothing more than brother and sister, is it any safer for me to become a more than good friend to Jules. Hmmm? I’ve got years before any of that, I hope.

I went through the PGA Tent then I walked into the Media room, now a solid room brought on-site so it felt more like a classroom.

Mom selected who asked the questions. “David, you are always first. Go ahead.”

“Mr. Masters,” he said with that quirky smile of his. “You have been playing 9 to 12 shots better per round than a lot of the other players on the Tour. Can you address in a way that would help them to understand what exactly is going on?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer this without making some enemies, so I first looked at Mom, then Dad, then said, “My dad taught me the game of golf. And with that, he also taught me a few other things, things about people. Don’t become a friend until you know how much better you are then they are. He also mentioned one important thing about putting. Swing harder than you think it might take, because as everybody knows, ‘Never Up – Never In.”

“Lastly, once I became a regular golfer, whether I was playing kids my age, or the twenty and thirty somethings, ‘Don’t Let Up!’ became his catch phrase to me. Start a round of golf with the same energy you plan to end it with. It’s a simple idea that Cannon uses that was the primary reason he won Ten Majors and was second in ten others. Since I am so young, as long as I don’t get tired or burned out, I have predicted, I will may win over 240 tournaments, and at least 100 Major Tournament.”

They were all typing as fast as I was speaking, until a hand raised, and Mom said, “Go ahead!”

“That seems rather arrogant, Howitzer?”

“No, it doesn’t. It’s math. Really simple math, actually. And it is based on my playing 20 to 25 tournaments a year. If I play for over 30 more years, those numbers are likely double.”

David raised his hand again, getting approved by Cory, “Steven, how long would a course need to be, in total yardage, to make them tough enough for the really long hitters!”

“I actually did a special report in school very recently, and discovered that you would need at least 300 bunkers, making a few of them Pot Bunkers, plus a single lake configured to affect at least 12 of the 18 holes, plus at least two island greens, and you would need enough land to build a course 12,240 yards long. It would need to be a very stunning course from above.”

A hand was raised, Mom said ‘last question.’

“If you win as many tournaments as you suspect you will, you would need someone like Jack Nicklaus to design it for you.”

“In theory, you might be right, but I have found out the best way to fund something like that, is to use someone else’s money!”

They all enjoyed that, laughing as Cory and I went out to wait for dad. The door opened, and it was David Feherty who came out, getting a hug from Cory.

“You know lad, you have got these old Golf Media folk talking to one another about your Ultra Long Golf Course idea with many of them discussing what part of the country would be best to try the concept?”

“Well David, the PGA has recently asked the managers to provide ideas for making my home course harder. They took Mr. Nicklaus’ original idea of 8888 yards, fiddled with it and have decided to widen the waterways and make some of the bunkers more influential to the scoring, but most importantly they want it stretched to become a 9,499-yard course.”

“I bet neither Cannon nor Howitzer would have an 18 under par on the course then,” David said as Johnny came flying through the door.

“Guess who is playing in the next to last pairing tomorrow?” he asked with his arms around Cory as KT came out of the door.

“You are?” Cory answered.

“Who with?”

“Jon Rahm!”

“Cool.”

“So, who am I playing with, Pops?

“Phil Mikkelson, and don’t take him for granted either.”

“I can help Steven about Phil,” KT said giving me a kiss on the cheek.

“Let’s go get our gang, and go to our lucky restaurant,” I said. “Care to join us for an early dinner, David. Julia will be there.”

“In a heartbeat,” the rogue Irishman said, “I have gotten to love the Howitzer Burger. Anita, if she was here with me, would make me eat something without any meat to it.”

“I really like this man,” I said, “Especially pitching out what he thought was a tough question.”

(POV change to CANNON)

Calling ahead, the MTMCCsv (Stretch Van) was loaded up with people and we pulled into the parking lot.

They had configured a set of tables with plenty of room. David sat between Kel and Jules who were giggling at everything he was saying. Next was Julia, Cory, Steven, KT, with Johnny last.

After being greeted by the manager again, our server was a cutie-pie blonde haired girl with the nametag, SUZIE. I told her one ticket, with no remark from David.

They started on the other end:

David helped Kel, and she got a Grilled Chicken Dip’ns with fries, with a Coke.

David also helped Jules who ordered a Howitzer Burger, No Cheese, and a Barqs. David got himself a Shrimp and Cod, Onion rings, and a Tropical Strawberry Sunset.

Passing an empty space

Julia Masters ordered a Crispy Chicken Burger, Onion Rings, and a Diet Coke. Cory got a Bleu Ribbon Burger, with a Diet Coke. Steven ordered a Howitzer Burger with double cheese and a Diet Dr. Pepper. Ms. Tilghman got a Johnny Burger, Double Meat & Cheese, with Coke to drink.

I told Suzie, I wanted exactly the same thing as the beautiful woman next to me just ordered. And to bring lots and lots of french-fries, please?

Wow, that took some time, but as I often tell my kids, ‘You can complain about how fast time flies, but all you have is all you have?

Quicker than I had expected, the food arrived by three very cute young ladies, followed by Suzie. She quickly picked each plate up and carefully placed it by ther correct person. I was the only who clapped for her, and she smiled at me.

“Does everything look correct?” she asked the crowd. There were various versions of ‘Yes’ from our crowd.

“Enjoy!” she said, having her girls follow her to the kitchen.

After stretching and swinging, I asked Cory If I can replace a club before a tournament.

“Which one?” she asked.

“Which club do I use the least?”

“Your five iron, what are you replacing it with?”

“I hear a lot about something called a Gap wedge, its designed to let you hit a ball high but not far.”

“You are so much like your father,” she said. “That sounds like a compliment,” he said.

“What’s the worst that can happen? I have time before I tee off. It can be your final decision, OK?”

“Ok, I’ll get your fine iron. Find a Gap you find comfortable.”

(POV to HOWITZER)

“Hey, who makes the best Gap wedge,” I asked the employee.

“It is not your official club sponsor, Howitzer.”

“Don’t care about that at the moment, who makes the best, please?” I asked as Cory came it like she was carrying a golden sceptre.

“I would say, if price were no object, I would say all of my regular irons and wedges would be TaylorMade Grind.”

“Do you have any in stock 66 loft?” I asked much faster than he was answering.

“Yes, only with 11.0 or 13.0 bounce.”

“I’ll take the 13 please. I need time with it to practice, so, could you get with it, please?”

He went over to them, picking each up, until he asked, “Would ZTP-17 grooves be OK, Howitzer?”

“Fine, provided I can have this in my hand in ten minutes or less, starting right now,” I said starting my iPhone for 10:30.”

“Got it, Boss,” he said going into his work room, I suppose.

“7 minutes left!” I yelled

“5 minutes left, Bossman!”

“2 minutes left!”

With 45 seconds left, he came out having cleaned the whole club with the grip I had had on the five iron.

Cory and I casually put the club in the bag, and we went to the Practice range as I heard Next up, team #5!

There were very few people on the range, and we found David a distance away, and walked to him to setup!

“Ya gotcha self a new wedge, haven’t ya?”

I did my normal warmup, or everything else might just be fucked up. After the stick, I started backwards from the Bertha. Three practice swings, and two ball strikes, unless one of them go crazy. That’s half of my usual. I was a bit too antsy, so I asked David to get Kelly over to us.

With an attempt to cover, she used her Mojo to bring down my anxiety. Quickly feeling better, I went to my four wood, and did my usual thing and I was actually rather mellow, as the next club was the new club.

“You got a new club right before a tournament round?” Cannon said. “Good luck with it. Your back swing needs to become less circular and something like an Ellipse, Steven. See you at the end.”

He and KT left, and I went back to the eight iron, for memory purposes it went 170 yards, then I was handed the Gap wedge, remembering what Dad said.

I tried a practice swing, and Cory said to slow down and accelerate through impact. The breeze that was from before we started, had gone away.

I was trying to hit the ball to go 150 yards, drop and stop. I hit one, two, three times in a row.

I finished using my usual order or clubbing from 2 through 9 and hit three more with my new wedge.

Cory made the comment, “Depending on the breezes, you could possibly shoot another round in the 50s, young man.”

I took her arm as we reached the first tee, as team #2 was teeing off. “NO MERCY, CANNON!” I yelled after his great tee shot.

(POV back to CANNON)

“Our final threesome of the day, some of the fastest walking PGA golfers around. I hope they had a book to read while waiting?”

{That was the funniest remark I heard all week)

“He has been on the tour representing Australia, born in 1980, with 35 world- wide wins including the 2013 Masters. He played his college at UNLV. He is currently 22^nd in the FedEx Ranking. His name is ... Adam Scott!”

He got a fine applause from the mostly American crowd. He hit a great shot hitting the fairway rolling barely into the right rough.

“Next up, is the 10-time major winner, and father of two children, with one of them becoming the next Tiger Woods. He is only ten years old, but he could do it. He comes in today ranked 4^th in the FedEx standings. Here he is, Steven ‘Howitzer’ Masters...”

If I know my son, he is talking to himself right about now, “Bertha please?”

He immediately focused and didn’t even take a practice swing. He was going to show off to the masses.

With a pitcher perfect swing and a final pose worthy of the PGA logo, he ended with a nearly 440-yard drive getting every bit of applause he deserves.

“Last in this threesome is the winner of the last two major championships. He is 10^th in the FedEx standings. He has a total of 29 total wins on the European and USA Tours, Rory McIlroy!”

A few yells of “Rory,” as he talked to his caddy for a moment and took out his driver. and quite obviously overswung, hitting the ball way left, and grimacing and holding his left hand.

“We need a PGA Medic, please?” my son had the presence to say. Two gentlemen came out running and carrying a bag.

Adam and Steven went off as a twosome three minutes later, both going at quite the clip, both getting easy birdies the first hole.

Second hole, with honors, Adam hit a great shot bouncing into the pin, and skewing off to the left 30 feet.

Only being 190 yards long, and still probably full of endorphins, He pulled a four iron, took a slow and a fast practice swing, then somebody said, “No Mercy, Howitzer!”

He settled in, swung it beautifully, and it hit on the green, bounced once and went in the hole!