Chapter 19

FRIDAY, MAY 31, 1991

Just like the school year, the summer finds a pattern. Weekends aren’t much different than weekdays, other than the rhythm of the activities. Tuesday means a baseball game. Baseball practice Wednesday and Thursday. Tutoring Tuesday through Thursday. Finding a way to get to the varsity baseball games Friday nights. Oh, and a Saturday at the race shop.

The calendar says spring, but the weather and the school year say it’s summer. Summer goes from Memorial Day to Labor Day in the Midwest. That’s just how it is.

I was already bugging dad about going to the pool, hoping to make a bit of a habit of it when he didn’t have much for me to do. I was told I could have the afternoon to myself if I got the mowing done. This was a farmyard, not a city lawn. It would take hours. Fortunately, he would let me skip the trimmer this time.

I helped dad with chores and fueled up the riding mower. It was an old John Deere 110, with about a 40-inch deck. I would be mowing around the house, the garden, my garage and around the equipment shed. It was tough going early, with a little dew in the grass. I had to go slower, so the blades could chop through the wet grass and spit it out the side chute.

Once the sun found its strength and a little breeze came up, I was popping the little rider into a higher gear and really moving. I didn’t bring a tape player with headphones, I actually liked to think while I did work like this.

What was I doing? How did I feel about Deedee? What was I supposed to do about Shelby? Hell, what about Betsy? My thoughts went well beyond keeping the front tire against uncut grass. Well, the latter girl is a pipedream at best. A college girl does not date a sophomore in high school. Get real, Jake. Deedee is a very good girlfriend, regardless of Lexie’s meddling and control. Stick with her and I’ll get closer to her than Lexie. But Shelby? How do I deal with Shelby. How do I feel about Shelby? I don’t know. Should I know?

Shelby? Certainly the most important person in my life that I’m not related to. I practically am related to her, family history and all. She was there for me every minute of every day since Christmas. I owe her everything. Maybe I owe her everything she wants? Maybe I don’t really know what she wants? Maybe I don’t even deserve her in that way?

Deedee? Gorgeous goddess not quite confident enough in herself to run her own life. Kind, caring, understanding. I could certainly do worse. We seem to fit. We’re dynamite sexually and we haven’t even gone all the way yet. We look good together. I love to make her smile. I love to make her laugh. Do I love her? I don’t know if I can love anyone just yet. Maybe? Am I close? Was I fooled before? Do I know what love is? I don’t know, but I don’t feel like I’m wasting a moment of my time spent with Deedee. That’s good, I guess? Right?

Betsy? What teenage wet dreams are made of? Beautiful, down-to-earth, sexy-as-hell all-in-one Betsy. Yeah, right, Jake. Keep playing little games with tutoring, but she’s never going to go for it. But what about how she looks at me, or when we leave and it looks like she doesn’t want me to go? What’s with that? Is there something there? What if there was something there? Why don’t girls have a billboard on their heads broadcasting their thoughts? I wouldn’t know what to do with her if I caught her anyway. She’ll be 20 before I’m 16. Quit dreaming, Jake.

I nearly ran the mower out of fuel before recognizing the signs. I stopped the blades and high-tailed it to the barrel, parking the mower just as it started to sputter out of fuel. My mind back on the task at hand, I popped the hood and filled up, idly wiping dandelion seeds from the mesh over the air intake. Topped off with fuel again, I started up and mower to finish the little bit left.

Why had my mind wandered back to Melody when I needed release the other night? Why? I hadn’t thought of her, my first, in that way in so many months. What was bringing her back into my mind like that? I was well over her, or so I thought. Maybe my insistence on controlling my every thought wasn’t realistic? Maybe no one was measuring up to her sexually right now? Maybe that wild minx was difficult to measure up to? Either way, I didn’t need her kind of emotional roller coaster from anyone else, regardless of just how mindblowing the sex might be.

I finished up the last of the mowing, brought the mower back to the old shed and blew the excess grass off with the air compressor. I parked it snugly in its spot and headed inside for a shower.

I got out of the shower to the slightly spicy smell of boiling hot dogs. Dad was making one of his favorites. No, these were not Oscar-Meyer bullshit. These were all-beef, natural casing weiners from the butcher shop, as God himself intended them. I dressed hurriedly and joined dad for dogs.

As promised, dad gave me the afternoon off, but warned he might need help grinding feed on Sunday. I guess I could live with that. I had my mind set on seeing Deedee.

After lunch, I grabbed a towel and sunscreen and a put it in my mesh bag, and strapped that to my bike. I sincerely hoped I wouldn’t need this stupid bicycle much more. I took a longing look at my metallic blue baby waiting under the car cover in her garage. Just a few more weeks and I’d have my school/work permit. The laws were vague enough that I’d be able to have one passenger and I could drive to any work or school activity. Well, a farm kid’s work can take him about anywhere his imagination could take him. School included tutoring. It was a regular license in practically everything but name, and I wanted it about as bad as I wanted anything else. Being the youngest in my class sucked, and this was why. I set the disappointment aside and peddled the few miles to town, stopping to see if Mikey was busy. He wasn’t. After a knock, he had paused a video game. He’d just fed his younger siblings, but didn’t have any afternoon plans.

“Pool?”

“Yeah dude, we’ve been going almost all week,” he sighed. “Wanna play some Nintendo?”

“Pool,” I said more forcefully.

“Dude, we go almost every day.”

“POOL,” I folded my arms over my chest.

“Pool!?” I heard his little sister Ashley ask from somewhere inside.

“Pool,” I grinned with a chuckle. I hadn’t said another word to him. I didn’t have to.

Mikey sighed and started getting ready.

I showed my Presidential Physical Fitness patch to the pool attendant, my free ticket to the pool for the summer. Yeah, those things used to mean something.

We ushered little Cody to the kiddie pool and Ashley ran off on her own, which was fine. Mikey and I looked for a couple of chairs to post up at, and found some classmates. I was looking around for a specific lifeguard.

We planted our towels on open chairs when I saw her. She was perched on a tall wooden chair at the corner of the deep end, likely tasked with watching the diving board. A wide umbrella obscured her from harsh rays of the sun. Her red hair was up in a small bun, and a set of aviator shades covered her eyes. The redheaded goddess was covered in a red one-piece, and she had a white hoodie zipped open and wrapped over her shoulders. Swimsuit and hoodie did nothing to hide her spectacular rack, and her legs looked very nice exposed.

But what was concerning was the three boys trying to chat Deedee up from a few feet away. That put a little sizzle in my stare.

I dropped my T-shirt in the chair and headed off with a purpose.

“Where you headed, dude?”

I held a finger up to placate Mike for the moment.

I started to recognize them as I got closer. Two juniors, Clay Martin and Brian DeBerg, clearly trying to flirt with my girlfriend. The third, I couldn’t see yet.

All were clearly older than me, but I didn’t really see any of them as threats.

His back was to me, but as I walked up I finally recognized him, and my blood was ready to boil. He was my own baseball teammate, Jeff Roberts.

I kept my cool and put on my best face.

“Hi, Deedee, when do you get a break?”

“Jake!” she cheered, practically jumping out of her chair. She took a quick peek at the clock on the changing room building.

“Less than 10 minutes!”

“I’ll be right over there,” I pointed to my lounge chair.

“I’ll see you then,” she grinned.

“Gentlemen,” I nodded to the three juniors. Clay and Brian gave me a curt head nod. Jeff looked like he would rather be about anywhere else at that moment.

I simply turned my back on them and walked back over to my chair.

“Got some sharks over there, dude?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I think I’ll scare ‘em off.”

“She usually does on her own by this time in the afternoon,” Mike shrugged. “But they do keep at it.”

I shrugged and slathered some lotion over my face, neck and shoulders, the only real trouble spots I had for sunburn. I didn’t dare put any on my arms, as I wanted to get rid of the farmer tan I was already earning.

Just then, she walked up.

“Having a good summer, Parker?”

Her icy tone ran a chill up my spine.

I turned around for her. Lexie Hunter was sporting a two-piece today, her jet-black hair was in its usual ponytail. Aviators that had to be the twin to Deedee’s were perched imperiously over her nose, hiding her piercing green eyes. Still she was imposing at 5’6”, with an emerald green bikini hugging her tight body. Her B-cups filled out her top surprisingly well, and her tummy was tan, trim and tone, and she stood posing with one leg slightly in front of the other. And what nice legs she had, rather tan and muscular. This was not a scandalous bikini by any means, maybe more athletic in cut. She made it look good. I was actually impressed.

“Lexie, I see you’re keeping a close eye on Deedee.”

“Looks like everyone is keeping a close eye on Deedee,” Lexie smirked.

“Too bad she doesn’t have a best friend to help her chase those pervs away,” I sighed.

“Too bad her boyfriend isn’t around more to prevent it in the first place,” she smiled, not quite revealing a bitter tone.

“There is no way I can be at the pool every hour of every day,” I said bitterly. “Some of us have to earn what we have.”

“That’s just the thing, Jacob. ARE you earning what you have?”

I was about to say something harsh to the beautiful but dangerous girl, but thought better of it.

“Maybe you’re right,” I changed directions. “Are you guys going to the game tonight?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” she grinned. “Be ready at 6.”

She turned on her bare heel dismissively, heading toward Deedee’s chair. I couldn’t help but notice her pert little ass swaying in that green bikini bottom.

Mike was off keeping an eye on Cody for the moment. I dropped into the lounge chair and tried to relax. That was short lived, as Deedee came pattering over to me quickly.

She shoved my legs aside and sat down in the lounger, and wrapped me up for a rather unchaste kiss. My eyes were wide as she let go of me. She giggled and touched my chin dimple, just the way I liked it.

“I’m so happy you’re here, finally,” she huffed.

“I’m sorry, I’m a busy farm boy,” I fake-pouted. “But I have the afternoon off, and Lexie said you’re going to the game tonight?”

“Yeah, can you come?”

“I wouldn’t miss it,” I grinned.

She threw her arms around me for a hug.

“They’re harmless, but they’re RELENTLESS,” she husked into my ear.

“And Lexie is no help?”

“Oh, she made fun of them at first,” my girlfriend admitted. “But I think she thinks it’s funny now.”

“I don’t think it’s funny at all,” I grumped.

“I don’t either, but they’re harmless,” she shrugged, letting me go.

“What do you want me to do about it?” I asked conspiratorially.

“Being here ought to be enough,” she said airily with a grin.

“I can’t be here every day.”

“Being here today might be enough,” she smiled.

The rest of the afternoon flew by. I did a little swimming, a little diving, and a little flirting with my girlfriend. The sharks had scattered for the day, leaving Deedee alone. Mikey left a little early, taking his younger siblings home. I bid Deedee and a few others goodbye, and made the ride back home over the gravel.

I was in the shower when the memories came back to me again.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 6, 1990

In hindsight, I should have known better. In hindsight, I should have recognized the signs. In hindsight, I should have realized this was maybe the second time I’d ever called her house while she’d called mine maybe one hundred times. Oh, and mom had pretty much warned me. When you’re fourteen, you don’t have much hindsight. And that lack of hindsight led to heartache that day.

But I dialed the phone eagerly anyway.

“Hello?” a feminine voice asked.

“Hi, uh, is Mel there?”

“Yes, who may I ask is calling?” she intoned.

“Jake, of course,” I said confidently.

“Jake-of-course? I’m not sure I like your tone.”

I was a little taken aback.

“This is Jake, Jake Parker. Is Mel there?” I asked more slowly.

It was Melody’s birthday. It was Saturday morning, just after a late breakfast. I wanted to wish her a happy birthday since I wouldn’t see her at school until Monday. It was all going wrong.

“Young man, why are you calling here?” she asked a bit harshly.

I was at a loss. My face was ashen and my smile had melted away to nothing.

Mom, who was clearing up after breakfast had heard enough. She grabbed the phone forcefully from my hands.

“Hello, this is Donna Parker. Yes, from church,” mom laid in half sweetly. “Your daughter calls here quite often. If Jake is not allowed to call there, would you please pass along to your daughter that she is not to call here?”

My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t hear the other end of the conversation. My heart was racing and I had no idea what was going on.

“Yes. Yes, since at least the summer,” mom added, listening to Melody’s mom once again.

“I should say so,” mom added, now apparently in complete control of the conversation.

“No, no need to apologize. I’d be alarmed if I didn’t know as well,” mom agreed.

I wanted to shrink away and disappear. My mouth hung open. My throat constricted and I felt sick.

“Yes, yes, I agree,” mom warmed. “Would she like to talk to him now?”

Mom looked at me meaningfully. I didn’t know what to do.

“Yes, he’s right here,” mom held the phone out for me.

For a good 10 seconds I stared at the long-corded telephone receiver. I’d had dozens of lengthy conversations with Mel on it since a little before school started. I could drag the cord under my door, put my back against it and chat away for hours if were both in the mood to talk a lot. We shared a lot on the those calls, soul-baring conversations about hopes and dreams and how we felt about each other.

And apparently it was all bullshit.

I slowly moved my eyes up to mom, took the receiver in my hands and quietly placed it on the cradle, hanging up on whoever was ready to talk on the other end of the line.

Mom gave me a tight smile, with perhaps a look of pride. She gave me a quick hug and watched my reaction.

I shook my head a little, my mouth still hanging open. Painfully dry.

“She? They, didn’t know?” I said pitifully.

Mom shook her head a little sadly.

“Honey, I don’t think so.”

Big tears, unbidden, fell from my eyes. I stood there feeling every horrible emotion a teen might feel.

Then I jumped slightly as the phone rang. We knew exactly who it was. I looked between the phone and my mom, a couple more tears falling silently from my lashes.

“I can’t...” I shook my head slightly, and slowly walked to my room. I didn’t slam my door. I simply closed it and took the short steps to my bed and fell face-first onto it.

Mom answered the phone.

“I’m sorry, he’s quite hurt and doesn’t feel like talking right now. I’m sure you won’t call again until he calls you first? Thank you. Good bye.”

Well, mom had certainly come through for me today.

But. What. The. Hell. Had just happened?

Why would she keep me, us, a secret from her parents? They seemed pretty laid-back to me. Hell, they made sure she had an advanced sexual education before 16. Why would she do it. How could she call here almost nightly without them knowing we were together?

Then things clicked into place in my young head. The dance. We didn’t arrive or leave together. That was why. Mom had warned me about talking to them. They had no idea. No clue. That was why.

Why? I’d just been humiliated and embarrassed. Betrayed?

A soft knock rapped agaisnt my door.

“Jake, are you OK?”

“Thank you, I’ll be fine,” I sniffed.

Mom must have sensed that I just needed to be alone for the moment, and let me be.

Raw, painful emotion poured out of me through my eyes as I cried like a baby. I’d never felt more hurt, more, what was it? Heartbreak? Was that it?

It was over. It had to be over, right? How could I forgive her this? She talked to me like she was in love with me, but she kept me a secret from her practically-hippy mom and blue-collar dad?

Unforgivable. Once I got myself together, I had to tell Shelby. She’d know what to do. She’d make me feel better.

But the pain was still there, no, not physical. All emotional and raw. Sobs racked my body, and I just felt pathetic. I slapped my hands against the bedspread in anger. Moving through pain to immature thoughts of anger, of revenge. I’d tell everyone who’d listen what a complete whore Melody Rogers was. That would teach her. Guys get high-fives for having sex. Girls get looked down on. Not fair? No, it isn’t fair. But neither is getting your heart broken at 14 by a ... a whore. Who was I kidding? She kept no secrets as it was. Everyone already knew we were sexually active. What would lashing out in anger accomplish anyway?

But that’s not really me anyway, and I knew it. Back to sad and pathetic. Come Monday, we’d be broken up and I’d leave it for the rumor mill to figure it out. I’d be just fine. I’m sure I’d find someone else. Eventually. For now, I felt like shit. I let her do it to me again. It was the end of fifth grade all over again, only ten times worse.

Why would I let her break my heart twice? Why was I so stupid?

I beat myself up for several hours, even taking short naps in the solitary fortress of my bedroom. The parents left me well alone, but insisted I come out to eat supper. I didn’t argue. I cleaned myself up as best I could and wandered out into the light and sat sullenly at the table.

I was sure mom had appraised dad on what had happened. Neither of them brought it up, mercifully, and we had a quiet meal of grilled steaks. Normally a favorite of mine, I picked at it, eating half of a ribeye and none of the twice-baked potato.

“Can I be excused?”

Mom looked over my plate curiously.

“OK, but put that steak and potato in a container for later. You’re going to want it.”

I didn’t argue, but I didn’t feel like I would. The steak had no taste. Food didn’t feel good. I didn’t care.

I robotically put the food in the fridge and trudged off to my room, pausing to look at the phone again.

“You know we love you, right?”

“Yes,” I said quietly without looking at them.

I wasn’t sure I was ready, but I picked up the receiver and dialed anyway. I gave mom a meaningful look and pulled the long cord toward my door.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Jake,”

“What’s wrong?”

She knew instantly. She always knew. I don’t know how, but she just knew.

I pulled the cord under my door and closed it softly, sliding my back down the door as I sat down on the floor. A brief smile at the thought of my best friend knowing something was wrong still turned to ash as I held back a sob and opened what was left of my heart to her.

“I think Mel and I are over. She didn’t tell her parents we were together.”

“Whaaaat?”

“I don’t think I can say it again...”

“Tell me what happened?”

“I called for her birthday,” I said between small sobs. “Her mom had no idea who I was or why I was calling,” I said haltingly.

“Oh. My. Gawd,” Shelby sucked in her breath on the other end of the line. “I’m so sorry, Jakey, I wish I could be there right now.”

The thought put more power behind my sobs.

“It’s not your fault,” I cried softly.

I know, but I don’t know what else to say,” she cooed. “I can’t believe she would do that, lying to them. And lying to you!”

“I know,” I said softly. “It was such a shock. Mom was there, and she took the phone from me and told Mel’s mom if I can’t call there, she can’t call here. I’m sure it’s over.”

“Do you want it to be?”

“I think so.”

“Do you think she might have a reason?”

I hadn’t really thought of one.

“No.”

“Have you talked to her since?”

“No.”

“When are you going to talk to her?” “Not any time soon.”

“I wish I could be there.”

I wish you were here too,” I snorted.

“It’s gonna be OK,” Shelby cooed. “You’ll be breaking hearts yourself in no time.”

“You know I don’t want to do that...”

MONDAY, OCTOBER 8, 1990

I got myself worked up for the bus ride Monday morning for no reason. I sat in my usual back seat. I was nervous and tense when the bus stopped near the park in town. Mikey got on the bus as usual, but not Melody. It was a relief and a curiosity all at once.

‘Where was she?’

“Mornin’ dude.”

“Mornin’ Mike.”

“Where’s your girl?”

“I dunno, “ I shrugged and looked down.

“Thought you two might skip the bus if she got a car.”

Well that was a good point. Something I simply hadn’t considered. Melody turned 16. If she had wheels, she never had to ride this bus again. Then again, if she had wheels, what use did she have for a 14-year-old boyfriend? I was expendable. It made even more sense now.

“I might as well tell you, sort of first,” I said with some conviction. “We’re done.”

“Like you and Mel are done?” he asked incredulously. “No way!”

“Way,” I affirmed with no joy, leaving it at that.

It wasn’t long before we were in the rolling hills, stopping at the Ray Ranch.

Shelby stalked to the back of the bus with a purpose and scooted me deeper into my seat, then sat down with me and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Well, I see SOMEONE found out before me,” Mike complained.

“SORT OF, first,” I shrugged with a guilty look.

“You’re OK?” Shelby nodded, a look of concern in her light blue eyes.

“Yeah, I’m gonna be fine, I think.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t get it,” Mikey shook his head. “A week ago at the dance, you two are like THE couple. A week later and you’re done? I don’t get it.”

I was about to explain when Shelby cut me off.

“There’s a good reason, and I’ll tell you later,” she admonished Mike softly.

He shrugged, looked at me meaningfully and let it go.

The bus rolled up to school, and as I walked down the steps, I realized the day might suck, but at least I didn’t have to ride the same bus with Mel.

Shelby, Mike and I walked down the freshman hallway but I froze in my tracks 10 feet from my locker.

There she was, slumped against my locker, waiting for me. She didn’t look good. Her hair wasn’t done and she was dressed down. When she saw me stop in the hallway, her face fell into a look of torment.