Chapter 6

I want to talk about Ellie Hess. For a moment, I wasn’t confused. This girl, this woman loved me. I wanted to be loved. I wanted her to love me. She proved eager. She loved helping me discover the lack of limits this island had. She was excited to get my hands on Traci, Kelsey, Zenya, Dakota, or Nastya. I excited her.

I couldn’t imagine myself with a girl like her. The thirteen year age gap didn’t help, but it wasn’t the problem. Her beauty was way out of my league, but it wasn’t the problem. Her seeming innocence clashed with her driven sluttiness, but it wasn’t the problem. I couldn’t imagine myself with a girl I liked.

Maybe I was broken. Years of short unsatisfying girlfriends had changed my expectations of any connection I had at all. I fell in love and couldn’t trust myself once the brain chemicals burned off. I had always had the ability to walk away. That saved me, I figured, more than a couple times. I just hadn’t connected outside of the sex before.

Ellie was giving me that something right now. Her drippy mouth and sloppy blowjob echoed around the house of mirrors. I brushed her bangs from her face. She lasered in on my eyes. Hers were incredibly blue. In that instant, blue eyes were my favorite.

I had never felt love directed at me the way I saw her looking at me. She was slender with medium breasts and small nipples. She was flushed, all seven hundred images of her that spidered out along the walls of the maze. Her strawberry blonde hair bounced as her neck, shoulders, chest and waist all moved with her blowjob.

Her lips were warm and natural. I would soon be told that having cosmetic surgery lips was an instant failure of my Marketably Attractive rule. The springiness and tightness of her mouth were perfect. Kelsey and Dakota had felt like whores. Ellie sucked like a lover. She ran her palms up and down the front of my thighs. She kept eye contact and I kept her hair out of her face.

“Jesus, fuck me,” I gasped to discover I kept holding my breath. Our bedrooms, back in Yonkers, had been right atop each other. I remembered smiling as her terrible music would rumble my floor. I had gotten used to masturbating with headphones on and my breath held. I didn’t want to look her in the knowing eyes the next time we passed each other coming or going. I took in another big lungful.

I was showing off and she was smiling. I hoped she knew. I wanted to know her well enough to read her like that.

I tried to think of the twins before the blackout. I saw them almost every day. We shared a front door but I went up the stairs and they went straight on in. I told myself they had looked like kids, like teens, like schoolgirls. I didn’t stop myself from looking. Mel would tease me. Ellie would finger her little iron gear pendant and walk a little faster.

That sprocket necklace bounced in cleavage. A six toothed gear on a new platinum chain. She had worn it before a black string. Her breasts waved with her action. I reached down. I pulled her up.

“I want you to come in my mouth!” She pleaded in a little whisper. I swear her voice echoed out of the infinite Ellies that surrounded me.

“I want to fuck you.” I said. I shook my head. “I want to have you.”

“I’m yours.” She promised. The tiny girl was unlikely a hundred and twenty pounds, and yet five foot seven. I ran my hands over her breasts. We had lost our clothes and hadn’t thought twice about it. Fuck Island was a magical place.

I had fucked one girl in public. It was the only thing I had been willing to do that excited her. That relationship was doomed way more ways than our disconnection in the bedroom. I must’ve liked it. The Waterfront, The Castle, these were the apex of publicity. I preferred this House of Mirrors. I wanted to be alone with Ellie and still have that audience.

I didn’t connect with the man I who had built this place. I took Ellie’s chin and lifted her up onto her tiptoes.

“Are you mine? Or do you belong you that asshole I was?” I worried. We were kissing and whispering.

“You were never asshole.” She rubbed my chest, my belly, reaching for my spit sticky dick. How was I still hard? I didn’t know what drugs I was on. “Never an asshole to me. And fuck the rest of the world, am I right?”

“But--”

“I remember you helping my dad carry my desk and my dresser out from the moving truck. You were trying so hard not to look at me in front of my dad. I had to wait two weeks before I caught you looking at my tits.” She reached up and squeezed her pendant between her breasts. “I’m yours.”

I remembered her dad. I paid him for his daughters? What kind of man does that? What kind of man accepts? Not the one I remembered.

“I may--”

“I don’t care how scared or stupid or confused you get.” She kissed me again. “Now cum in my mouth and tell me you love me as I swallow it.”

She sank to her knees. Her 1000-watt smile was her lowest setting. Ellie approached my dick like it was made of candy. She was licking and sucking and running her mouth all over me. She would take brief mouthfuls and slather her tongue against me like a dog shaking off water. She never tried to drive my cock down her throat. The other girls did. Kelsey had made it feel natural. Squeezing their deep throat muscles against me. Ellie was all lips, tongue, and cheeks.

I brushed Ellie’s hair away from her face. I remained awestruck by the look in her eyes. Her eyes drifted shut. Her lips curved up in a rapturous smile. I don’t know what song she was humming but the reverberations rolled right up my spinal column. Muscles I couldn’t name seized. Her eyes opened and her smile broadened. She kissed the base of my cock but hurried to claim me in her mouth again.

She knew I was on my last legs. Her hand pumped my cock towards her lips. I didn’t masturbate with that much vigor. Her tongue skated and slalomed under the head of my cock. She twisted her head with every pull and thrust of her neck. So long as I kept her hair from her eyes, we never broke contact.

“I love you.” I moaned as sloughed my cum onto her tongue. Was I cheating her? Was I obeying her? Was I pushing off dealing with this girl. I felt cold in my guts. Saying “I love you!” too early wrecked high school for me. Ellie expected it. Ellie asked for it.

She displayed the glob of my spending on her tongue. Dozens of Ellie’s all around me had puppy dog eyes. I stroked her hair and she grinned. Her chin flew upwards as she flung her tongue to back of her mouth. I watched her throat bulge as she swallowed.

“I love you.” I repeated. It was easier. I hadn’t thought I would say the words. I was scared I didn’t mean them. This girl was incredible. She licked her lips and swallowed as I sank down to sit onto the floor. She dragged her tongue, bulging out her lips in front of her teeth. She swallowed a third time and climbed onto my chest.

“You’re incredible.” I smiled for her after we had made out for a few minutes. She took her lower lip her teeth and blushed as if on command.

“You’re worried.” She dragged her fingernails over my chest. She shook her head. “We should go somewhere. Talk to somebody.”

“I can’t talk to you?”

“Um, I’d love if you did. I’m worried I won’t know what you need to hear.”

“I definitely don’t want someone just feeding me what I want to hear.”

“Need. I’m not stupid.” She fought back some inkling of insecurity. She glowed with pride. “I was on the Dean’s list before Mel and I left college.”

“Yeah? You were in psychology.” I remembered. I had looked down on psychology when I was in school. The girls had always been hot though. I learned a bit more by the time I had met Ellie. I had come face to face with my own assumptions. Which is lucky, even until twenty-eight year old me, I had been an arrogant twat. “And Mel was ... English?”

“Mel was in theatre.” Ellie giggled. “I love that you remembered! Is your memory coming back or were we just meant to be together?”