Chapter 3: Big Game Opportunity

One of the more long standing employees at Stapleford Secure Systems was a heavily built female Ministry appointed security guard know universally as “Bertha” but never to her face. When David got an internal ‘phone call one Friday morning from someone who called herself Amanda James he was at a loss as to who this might be until she said, “My name is Mrs. Amanda James but I know that everyone refers to me as ‘Bertha from Security’ behind my back.”

“Well, Mrs. James, what can I do for you?”

“Section 1 said that if they ever have a problem with someone’s clearance you can sometimes help?”

“Section 1 want to learn to do their own jobs. They have a Unit Security Officer whose job is exactly that.”

“Please, don’t ring off. The USO is my problem. My ... my daughter was picked up by the civvy police yesterday for shoplifting. She’s guilty, no doubt about that, and the USO says I’ll lose my clearance as being at risk of blackmail and hence lose my job. Please can you help me?”

“Officially no. If we were to bump into each other, say at the All Saints Church coffee morning tomorrow at half past ten then the conversation might just turn to matters of interest to one or the other of us,” and he put the ‘phone down. That’ll get the hens in the congregation’s tongues wagging. Me turning up at the coffee morning with a huge female weight-lifter, he thought, smiling inwardly at the flutter that would put in the hen coop, And I might be able to help her.

As David had thought, all eyes followed Amanda as she walked into the Church Hall the next morning. It was not a surprise as very few women are built like over six foot tall Olympic weight-lifters, and none of the ladies present were anywhere as near tall or heavy as she.

“Please sit down,” said David as she stood towering over him, “Tea, coffee, anything to eat?”

“A cup of coffee would be very welcome,” she replied, and David duly fetched her one. It was accompanied by a custard cream biscuit which she put to one side. “I do have to watch my weight,” she remarked, “I don’t like to let it get over twenty stones.”

“Well, I don’t imagine one biscuit would matter,” he replied.

“Don’t you believe it. The fitness tests we have to pass are killing if I put on an ounce of fat. And I don’t want to be demoted to reception desk duties.”

Is this one supposed to be filling the vacancy in David’s love life? Anne asked herself, then giggled quietly as she thought, She won’t fill it; she’ll overflow it and still have plenty to spare.

Out of the corner of his eye David saw the Vicar approaching with a steely expression.

“Good morning, David,” she said, obviously having set herself to find his baptismal name and use it, “and who is your friend today?”

“This is Mrs. James who works with me. We decided on having coffee away from work to discuss some private matters,” he replied.

“Well, I wanted to catch you,” said the Vicar, then raising her voice continued, “We are starting an appeal for urgent repairs to the roof. How much can I put you down for?“

The raised voice had all heads turned to try to hear his response. Everyone knew he had recently sold his part of Stapleford Secure Systems, though rumours of the price varied from about right up to ten times the reality.