Chapter 264

The professor was telling his early morning class, “I’ve found that the best way to start the day is to exercise for five minutes, take a deep breath of fresh air, and then have a bowl of delicious cereal with raisins and almonds and a cup of green tea and finish with a cold shower. Then I feel rosy all over.”

A sleepy voice from the back of the room said, “Tell us more about Rosy.”

A Christmas Request

Those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, could you please avoid anything that has red or blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it’s the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my vodka, and fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat.

It’s just too much stress, even for Christmas.

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

Bow down to Earl_John for this one!!!!

Charlie, a very handsome young rock crab wanted to marry the lobster princess...

But, King Lionel, her father & also the lobster king said “Crabs walk sideways. Lobsters walk straight. Until the crab can walk straight, he’ll never marry my daughter.”

The next day, the doors of the throne room burst open and in strode Charlie the crab, he walked straight up to the king, threw a claw around his shoulders and said:

“Man, am I pissed!”

Thank jmcnally ‎ for this one...

Son - “Dad - I want to get into organised crime when I grow up”

Father - “That’s nice son - Private or Government?”

Some random Thoughts ... from a friend of J & G.

Al Gore took Viagra and got three inches taller...

What’s better than a naked Russian?

A Russian dressing...

When Osama bin Laden died, he was met at the Pearly Gates by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled, “How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!”

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, “You wanted to end our liberties but you failed.”

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, “This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!”

Thomas Jefferson was next, he beat Osama with a long cane and snarled, “It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence.”

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.

As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Bin Laden wept and said, “This is not what an angel promised me.”

The Angel replied, “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?”

What is it?

A man does it standing up.