Chapter 222

This one is compliments of Pepere

One Sunday, when counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1,000.

It happened again the next week.

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate.

This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. “Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate.”

“Why yes,” she replied, “My son sends me money every week, and I give 10% of it to the church.”

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful, how much does he send you?”

The old lady said, “$10,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?”

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.

“That is an honorable profession,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice?”

The old lady proudly said, “In Nevada. He owns two cat houses in Las Vegas, and one in Reno.”

✧ ✧ ✧

This one is compliments of cbarge ‎

I know that the explosion of micro/artisan breweries has made this joke at least obsolescent but here goes:

How are most American beers and having sex in a canoe alike?

Because they are both fucking near water.

✧ ✧ ✧

Thank bobw40 for this one:

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and, shortly after, in a story published in The New York Times, this: “American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British.”

One week later, the Canadian Dept. of Mines and Resources in Newfoundland reported the following: “After digging as deep as 30 feet in Northeast Canada, Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely fuck all. Jack has therefore concluded that, 250 years ago, their ancestors in Canada had already gone wireless.”

Just makes one bloody proud to be a Canadian.