Chapter 198

The following are compliments of a Friend of J & G.

During our computer class, the teacher chastised one boy for talking to the girl sitting next to him. “I was just asking her a question” the boy said.

“If you have a question, ask me” the teacher tersely replied.

“Okay,” he answered “Do you want to go out with me Friday night?”

“You know, it’s at times like these when I’m trapped in an airlock with an alien and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young!”

“Why, what did she tell you?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t listen!”

According to the Knight Rider News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the US Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated as “Wash. Biol. Surv”; until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:

“Dear Sirs:
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and want to tell you it tasted horrible.”

The bands are now marked “Fish & Wildlife Service”.

“I’ve got this thing for tall, lean men.” said the new coder at the software company. “That Mike in sales is certainly a long tall drink of water.”

“I hate to bust your bubble honey” replied the office veteran “but for a long tall drink of water, he’s got an awful short straw.”

After his annual physical, the sexually active bachelor was waiting in the doctor’s office for the results. “Well,” said the doctor “I have good news and bad news for you.”

“The way I feel, please give me the good news first.” replied the bachelor.

“The good news,” announced the doctor “is that your penis has grown an additional four inches since your last exam.”

“Great!” the man shouted “What is the bad news?”

“It’s malignant.” replied the doctor.

I was sitting in McDonalds the other day when a gang of about 20 skinheads chased an Indian guy past me, cornered him and kicked the shit out of him. Someone asked me why I didn’t help, I said “To be honest I thought 20 was enough”

Two drunks are in a tavern sitting at the bar, staring into their drinks. One gets a curious look on his face and asks “Hey, John, you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?”

“Yep. I been married to one for fifteen years!”

Jill went to Kelly’s place to tell her about a horrible experience she had the previous night with Simon.