Chapter 169

Compliments of J & B

AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF RETIRED PERSONS

Questions and Answers from AARP Forum

Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done, you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60 year-old husband?
A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out...

Q: Why should 60 plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: “Gosh, I remember these!”

Great Quotes

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.” Lynn Lavner

“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.” George Burns

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.” Sharon Stone

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” Jack Nicholson

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks his car or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.” Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

“Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” Robin Williams

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgemental, where, of course, men are just grateful.” Robert De Niro

“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?” Dustin Hoffman

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy. Steve Martin

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” Oscar Wilde

WILD PIGS - no truer words...

A thought to remember, Marx said, “Remove one freedom per generation and soon you will have no freedom and no one would have noticed.”