Chapter 78

This group is compliments of Phoenix

A bloke is out shopping and discovers a new brand of condoms called Olympic. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon returning home he tells his wife about them. “Olympic condoms?” she replies: “What makes them so special?” The man says: “Well, there are three colours - gold, silver and bronze.” “What colour are you going to wear tonight? “She asks wearily. “Gold of course, “says the man proudly. The wife gives him a withering look and says: “What about silver? It’d be nice if you tried coming second for a change.”

A sausage factory owner was showing his arrogant son around and try as he might he found it impossible to impress him. As they approached the heart of the factory, the man thought: “If this doesn’t do it nothing will!” He showed his son a machine and said: “Son, this machine is the very the heart of the factory. We put in a pig and outcomes sausages.” Still unimpressed his son merely replied: “Yes, but do you have a machine where you feed in sausages and produce a pig.” The furious father thought and said, “Yes son, we call it your mother.”

A young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team sneaks his new girlfriend, a gorgeous American gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village. Once she’s inside, he quickly switches out all the lights, they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement. After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse back on the bed in exhaustion. The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light, his beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin glistening with little beads of sweat as he lays beside her. At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed. He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp. Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side and beating his chest like a gorilla. Then he vaults back on top of the girl and commences a frantic repeat performance. The American girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second encounter. After nearly half an hour of wild activity in every possible position, the gasping male swimmer again crawls out of bed and swallows another shot of the mysterious liquid. Once more he dives under the bed, emerges on the other side, beats his chest and commences to make love all over AGAIN. The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action continues at the same blistering pace as before. More than an hour later, after another repeat of the strange drinking ritual on his part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple orgasms on her part, she is now feeling rather faint herself. “Just a minute, big boy,” she whispers to the panting Aussie: “I think I need to try some of your tonic!” She rises unsteadily, pours a small shot and is disappointed to find it just tastes like Coca-Cola. Not losing heart she thinks perhaps she should complete the ritual to get the full effect. She stands up straight, takes a deep breath and dives under the bed - only to smash straight into the three other exhausted members of the Australian 4x200m relay team.