Chapter 27

Vetted New

The following are compliments of 2718‎

Did you hear about the two guys that walked into the bar? The third guy ducked!

The teacher is going over vocabulary for little Johnny’s class and ask if anyone could please use the word “fascinate” in a sentence! Little Johnny immediately raises his hand saying “Me! Me!”. Knowing that he’s a horrible little brat, she looks past him and asking again “Anyone?”. Little Darla stands and says “Well, last week I was fascinated...” and the teacher immediately cut her off saying “Thank you, Darla, but I actually want ‘fascinate’, not some different conjugation”. While most of the class is puzzling over the meaning of ‘conjugation’, little Johnny is now yelling “Me! ME! ME!!”. The teacher continues to ignore him, convinced that he’ll say something horrible. Little Billy stands and says “Isn’t it fascinating...” and the teach cuts him off also saying “Does ANYONE know how to form a sentence with just plain old ‘fascinate?’”.

Little Johnny is now standing on his chair yelling “ME damnit! ME!!”. The teach finally relents and resignedly says “OK, Johnny, fine, let’s here it!”.

Little Johnny happily smiles and says “Well, my aunt has a dress with 10 buttons”, pauses for effect, and then YELLS out “BUT HER TITS ARE SO BIG THAT SHE CAN ONLY FASTEN EIGHT!”

A Vatican cardinal excitedly rushes in to wake up the Pope. He says “Wake up, your eminence, wake up! I have good news and bad news!!” The Pope groggily replies “Ok, give me the good news first!” to which the cardinal responds “Christ has returned! He’s on the phone and wants to talk to you!!”. The Pope immediately asks “Well, then what could possibly be bad news at a time like this?!?”. The cardinal says “He’s calling from Salt Lake City!!”

Vetted

This one is compliments of Beamer

A rather heavy woman was given a dress two sizes too small for her birthday by her husband, who upon giving it to her said “I hope to see you in that soon dear”.

For his birthday she bought him a coffin and presented it with the same comment!