This chapter is dealing with the subject of getting to know oneself as a sexual being. There is really only two ways that this may be accomplished - playing with oneself and playing with another person. Notice that it was stated as “playing”. The reason for this is that the subject of sexual play is usually lumped together with reproduction. Hopefully, reproduction may be the result of sexual play but as everyone knows, sexual play is an end in itself! Sexual play is also but one form of hedonism. Just as too little sexual play is to be avoided, too much sexual play is also to be avoided. Moderation in everything is a good concept to adhere to in every aspect of the playing out of our life. There are those that become addicted to sexual expression. This is just as bad for you as those that abstain from sexual expression completely, for whatever reasons.
For those of you that have chosen to start your interpersonal sexual experiences, the author very stongly suggests that you get the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) vaccination first!
I am a male person. As a child, I did not really have an idea of sexuality per se. However, my first sexual play experience was provided via the 4 year old girl that lived across the street, when I was 5 years of age. One fine day she asked me if I wanted to do what another boy living up the street had shown to her the day before. I said yes and she took me to a secluded place in the bushes at the other side of our alley in back of the house where I lived. She then squatted down, pulled my pants down exposing my genitals and proceeded to suck my penis. Wow, was that a great feeling of physical pleasure! After a while she stood up, said that it was my turn and then peeled off her panties. Curiously, I knew just exactly what to do and I enthusiastically plunged my tongue into her vagina and licked her labia and small clitoris while holding on to the cheeks of her buttocks. So we gave each other pleasure at least 4 to 5 times a week until my Father’s work took him and our family to another part of our great nation. I was very unhappy at having to give up my friend and squeeze.
It was for me the start of my sexual play experiences. When I was 10 years of age, I began to produce and ejaculate “cum”. This was ok since my 9-year-old girlfriend and I were too young to procreate. We had been having intercourse for about a year and it really changed nothing about our sexual play together. At the same time I knew that to ejaculate into a “mature” girl/woman was not a good thing to do and I avoided doing so by pulling out before I started my ejaculation. This meant that I needed to make sure that my playmate was satisfied using my tongue if she had not already reached the point of orgasm before I began my ejaculation. How I knew to do these things is somewhat of a mystery to me but my instincts have always been right on the mark!
By the time I was in Junior High School, I was masturbating sometimes 3 times a day. I learned what turned me on - pictures of naked beautiful women or novels with a vivid description of the characters making love. Some times I would visualize a female that I knew that got me off. I also read everything that I could get my hands on about the subject of sex. As I grew older and the experience of my playmates grew broader I learned that my nipples were not erogenous zones for me. Massaging my nether lips (anus) was interesting but not particularly stimulating. I am strictly heterosexual in my orientation. I like medium sized breasts with large, sensitive nipples, a well defined and trim ass, a narrow waist and absolutely no belly fat - difficult to find in these days of gluttony and lack of exercise for most people.
Thus, knowing the intimate details of what gets me off is something that I need to explore for myself. How do I go about doing this? I read and I then apply the information that I have read to self and my current partner. Talking with guy friends or girl friends and sharing experiences also helps. Do you know whom you can trust? How do I separate the boasting from the actual reality of what happened? Another way is to fantasize until I am ready for intercourse. Just what is it about my fantasies that seem to get me off? What aspects of what I read seems to frighten me? I am not a kinky personality and I am not a masochist. I cannot advise you concerning these more esoteric factors of getting off. Reading the Kama Sutra was interesting but it seemed to me to be concerned with using sexual energy for healing work. The same, I thought, was for Tantra. These arts are concerned with developing a sense of energy flow in the body, especially sexual energy, and channeling it consciously to the task of healing. Do not get me wrong; engaging in these exercises of energy work is a very wonderful experience with the right partner. More on this subject will be discussed later in the chapter on being with a partner.
Reading Playboy Magazine, and many of the other “men’s” magazines, was great for the pictures, commentaries and fantasies about sex and sexuality. I am not aware of these types of magazines for females, if they exist. There are numerous sites available online dealing with the topic of sex and sexuality. If you sexplore these, be sure that you have a very good anti-virus and anti-spyware program running on your computer before you begin.
Finding, touching, caressing and becoming relaxed in feeling the physical sensations of the erogenous zones is key to becoming a great sexual player. You have to be comfortable with yourself before you can give real pleasure to another person. On most people, the nipples, the anus, the mouth, the tongue, the area of and surrounding the genitals are erogenous zones. Other people need to be caressed in certain areas in order to first relax and then be able to move on to the erogenous zones in order to get sufficiently “off”. Examples of this are areas like the licking of the neck hollow and gently stroking the back and especially the legs. Most women and some men need to feel relaxed, cared for and safe. One needs then to self-explore these and other areas in order to determine their effects on “getting off”. It is also very instructive to determine the type of touch that needs to be applied. Find out if you need a gentle touch, a sucking, a licking, a pinch, a hard rub, scraping with a hard edge, a soft bristled brush, etc. to be applied and just where. Experiment with the different methods of physical touch, pressure and caressing on your skin and erogenous zones. The type of touch needed may also vary during the course of the month, especially in women. A more intense form of touch may be needed just before and during the time of their ovulation (egg release).
For most persons, there are emotional and mental factors that need to be considered in “getting off”. The best objective way of getting to know oneself emotionally and mentally is through behavioral genetics. The layperson’s guide to behavioral genetics is called astrology. You will need to know the date, place and time of birth, hopefully within 4 minutes. The reason for this is that most of the planets will not move much in a 24 - hour period but the moon of the Earth moves significantly in this period relative to any particular place upon the Earth. Also, astrology is of great help in determining your sexual compatibility with a partner. The information gleaned from astrology is a guide to understanding yourself. This information will guide you to know your particular individual tendencies. Your particular beingness then comes about with life’s experiences, interpersonal interactions and the various learning experiences that will yield your individual uniqueness as a personality. You may not want to become an expert in astrology but learning the basics will give to you an edge is getting to know yourself and others. This information will allow you to explore other aspects of your tendencies that you may not have thought about just yet.
A Compatible Partner
Now that the self-exploration is well underway, who might we discover that shares our passion for sexual play? Because we live in a world fraught with danger at every turn, learning self-survival in the jungle of life is of ultimate concern. Males are usually the instigator of interpersonal interaction and as such are the persons with the most crucial role in sexual play. The laws of our society are geared to protecting women from the predations of males. In our day and time this has begun to include females as well but the laws are still biased in favor of women.
As children we can get by with more mischief than adults. Sexual exploration in children is tolerated. When one goes through puberty, all this changes, as you well know. Thus, the question of trust between partners arises and the issue of oppression raises its ugly head. Always remember that just because today they (male or female) may be your friend, tomorrow they may become your enemy! Do you want the others in your common circle of acquaintances knowing that you are into “rimming” (anus licking and tongue insertion) for instance? This, if for no other reason, should keep you from making enemies of your past and present intimate partners.
Today Americans are much more mobile than at any other time in recent history. Still, when one grows up in a rural society and knows everyone around for most of their life, the building of a reputation for behavioral expressions is going to occur. Trust is a big issue in this case. Whom can you trust? Do you care? Getting away from one’s reputation is why some persons move to another locale. On the flip side, I might depend upon my reputation for bringing to me new partners. However, people are quick to label another person in a negative manner whether it is deserved or not. This is but one reason that people away from their normal living environment will become a bit wilder than they normally would be since they will be better able to relax and have some fun. No one that they know is going to find out, going to know what is happening!
Since I am a gentle being, this discussion will assume that sexual play is going to be between consenting adults and with no negative implications arising. As I have gone through life, I have learned some things about male-female interactions. There are no hard and fast rules but there are definite guidelines. Looking for a partner for sexual play is not the same as looking for a mate. If things work out, they may be combined, however. Usually, it is not a good idea to look for a sexual partner where you work. Neither is it a good idea to do so where you go to church. Online is popular these days but fraught with teasers. I assume that people use bars and clubs as lookouts for sexual play partners. I am not into the bar scene but I do like to go dancing. Health-wise, it is not wise to be very promiscuous either due to the increased risk of contracting any variety of the various sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Is your prospective partner going to tell you that they have contracted genital herpes? I think not! Always use a condom with new sexual play partners until you have a better idea of their past encounters. Always ask to and do examine the genitals and body for the telltale signs of infection. Do some online research in order to know what to look for on the skin and elsewhere! I personally have never been with a prostitute and I have avoided those of known promiscuity. I prefer to be the debaucher of innocent young things that want to explore their sexuality with someone “safe”. The reason that I mention these things is that many STDs will cause sterility if not treated very soon after contracting the disease. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! We as responsible human beings would most definitely want to keep the rate of infection residing in our population as low as possible. If you know that you are infected, get treatment and use preventative measures or restrict your carnal interactions to those similarly infected.
I always look for attractiveness, personality and cleanliness in any prospective sexual play partner. I ask for their birth data as soon as possible, compute their natal chart and compare it with mine. I have found that astrological analysis is quite accurate whether it is used to delve into my beingness or any of my interpersonal relationships. Since I am interested in how the energies of my prospective sexual play partner will merge and interact with mine, I look for the angular relationships between our Mars and Venus planets. This is where you can put a feeling of “vibrations” or “chemistry” between persons on a more objective level. The astrological techniques are more for confirming what you may already intuitively know to be true.
The following examples are based upon personal experience later objectified and delineated by astrological analysis. The only woman that I can say that I absolutely adored and loved completely had a Mars (mine) -Venus (hers) and Venus (mine) - Mars (hers) angular relationship of 60 degrees, a very rare dual 60 degree angular relationship! We both were always ready to jump into bed together and the sexual energy between us was of a playfully creative nature, we were never bored with our sexual congress.
One of my potential lifetime partners, I later discovered, had her Venus 90 degrees to my Mars. She was always ready to engage in sexual congress with me and she was always dripping wet ready for my entry with a minimum of stimulation. She was very easy for me to completely satisfy!
The woman that I have yet so far stayed with the longest, 8 years, had her Venus 120 degrees to my Mars and her Mars 120 degrees to my Venus. These examples are a reflection of the fact that the definitions of the angular relationships as delineated by astrology, 60 degrees, 90 degrees and 120 degrees, are of creativity, intensity and harmony respectively. Yes, astrology really does work! It should because it is the lay description of the science of behavioral genetics. So if you are looking for a certain type of experience, use astrological analysis to weed out the chaff and hone in on the treasure box!
The 3 most important components of your natal chart are the Ascendent (Rising Sign), the Moon Sign and the Sun Sign. The Moon Sign describes the workings of the physical body. The Ascendent describes the projection of your personality. The Sun Sign describes the integration of all of the components of your chart as a whole. The angular relationships between the planets, whether in your, your partners or a composite chart made up of a combination of your and your partner’s chart, determine the quality of the physical, emotional and mental expression and interaction. I would very strongly advise that you keep in mind that the Moon Sign is your physical body. It would be best for a long-term relationship if the angular relationship between partner’s Moon consisted of a 600 or 1200 angle as harmony between planets (good vibes) gives rise to synergistic energy. It is true that your partner can eventually cause you to become ill, otherwise.