Chapter 45

Patios are wonderful institutions. Psychiatrists ought to think about getting rid of the stupid couches and instilling patios instead. Much easier to ruminate over whatsoever with a warm sun overhead instead of pricey chandeliers. Well, that’s my thinking others may disagree.

And, as luck or the gods or fate or something would have it, I was sitting out on the patio of the guest house now.

The patio faced the southeast. What that meant was that at 10:00 in the morning the sun was almost directly across from me; it was 10:05 a.m. I was sitting under the “sunbrella” with my Walmart bought sunglasses on; well, I still had one good eye, when she came up behind me from inside the place.

“Basking are we?” said Lana.

“I guess one could make a case for that,” I said. She snickered.

“Seems kinda obvious to me,” she said. “But on another subject, Abigail’s on her way down. She wants to talk to you. I told her you’d be thrilled to ‘cavort’ with her.”

“Funny,” I said. “But yeah, that’s fine. Do I have to get up to answer the door?”

“No, no, I told her to just come in and surprise you,” she said. “I’m going to the salon.”

“Yeah well thanks for the heads up,” I said.

“No problema,” she said, and she was gone.

“Well, did she tell you I was coming?” said Abigail Cord, coming up behind me as my woman had but two minutes before.

“No, no, you are a complete surprise,” I said, obviously and transparently lying to my ex-wife.

She took a seat across from me without so much as a by-your-leave. Well, in point of fact she and the big guy did own the place, so maybe it wasn’t so much of a faux pas etiquette-wise.

“How are you feeling today?” she said.

“Okay, I guess. Glad we’re maybe and finally by most of the celebrations and rushing around and what all,” I said.

“Yes, it has been a hectic time for sure,” she said. I nodded.

“But, it’s been a good time too,” she continued.

“Yes, yes, it has. I’d have to say that yes it has,” I said.

“The kids and Jeff and Harriet appear to be a lot smarter than I am,” she said.

“Yes, well, and me too if it comes to that,” I said

“I can’t believe that I was such a doofus. I keep telling myself that I always wanted the best for everybody, and Sam, especially for you. And that is the truth, sir.”

“I guess,” I said. “I mean I guess I believe you.” She took on a serious look.

“And the divorce?” she said. I shrugged.

“It stung then and it still does. Am I past it? I guess I am. Lana makes me happy. I’m content. It’s just that...” I stopped. I didn’t know how to finish whatever it was that I wanted to say, not right then I didn’t. She nodded, solemnly nodded.

“I think I understand how you must’ve felt. I didn’t then. I mean other than you were hurt. I knew that that was a true thing. And likely concerned about your place with the children. That was my biggest concern for you at the time. I tried to make sure that you knew that then. I mean that you’d still be their daddy their only daddy. I put that in the letter. But I guess I can understand why you didn’t believe me,” she said.

“And then I was proven right wasn’t I?” I said, “I mean about being their father their only father.”

“Yes, you were right. Or rather I should say that you became right. You weren’t right at the time, at the time of the divorce per se.

“It was rather the case that Owen became obsessed with being the girls’ daddy and that quite unexpectedly at least from my point of view,” she said. “I’d figured that he’d be a really great uncle or stepdad or something, but not a real father; that was to be your bailiwick and only yours. But then you didn’t show up. And well things took on a life of their own and well, Owen did become a true and real daddy to them, the girls.”

“I suppose,” I said. “But in my defense...” I started.

“Mister, you do not need to defend yourself. That’s on me. Not on Owen, not on you or anybody but me,” she said. “I fell in love with the man and not because of his money either. He’s just a great guy. Still, you weren’t around or he never would have gotten his shot with me. And, yes, I know it was largely my fault that you weren’t around. That’s why it’s all on me.

“I needed my man to be around, not just be a hero and all of that. So, I let myself fall in love with a man who turned out to be a very good man. Oh my, how lucky was ‘that’ for me, and I won’t deny that ever. But, that said, Sam, I never stopped loving you too,” she said.

“Hmm,” I said.

“No ‘hmm’ about it. It’s why I made love to you that day. Yes, seeing your face, the awful way you looked, did make my skin crawl. But, I still had feelings for you, and I knew you were desperate, you were a man, and you were a desperate man. I had to save you at least a little. So I let you have me,” she said. “I needed you to have me.”

“You risked losing your good man by that little ditty,” I said.

“Yes, I did. I had not told him I was planning on doing you. Truth is, as I think I told you at the time, it was more or less a spur of the moment thing. And yes it was a risk, but a minimal one. Minimal because I knew that he would never consider you a serious rival; I mean the way you looked, and your almost nonexistent chance of ever making a decent living. No you were never going to be a threat to him, not in his eyes,” she said.

“But, he was going to make me a millionaire. He’s told me he still would if I would ever allow him to,” I said.

“Yes, and then you would have been in debt to him for life. I’m personally glad you never took the money. The fact is I was afraid that if you ever met a woman who could see past your injuries and marry you, that the woman might take the money and dump you after the fact. That one was a big ass worry for me if not for Owen.

“But it’s less of a worry anymore. Lana is straight arrow; I’m convinced of that. So, no, even if you took the man up on his offer now; I’m pretty confident that you’d be okay in the doing of it,” she said. “But, you would be in debt to him regardless.”

“Yes, Lana is straight arrow. And, no I’m not going to take the man up on his offer. That he’s fixed it so I can walk again is already too much, I’ll take that one though, but it is too much. It’s the one bit of selfishness that I am allowing myself. And, I might add the idea of the mask thing was a good thing too. Yeah I wish that German doctor had had the chance to do me right, but well, it is what it is I guess,” I said.

“Selfish? You selfish? You have faults Mister, but selfishness is not one of them,” she said. I snickered.

“Faults?” I said.

“For sure. You’re stubborn and nosy and foolish. And likely other things as well, but well, for all of that; you’re still a good guy. And I love you, and in point of fact we all do. That’s why the girls have chosen to honor you with the naming of the children and all. And yes, Jeff and Harriet too.

“And if anyone was selfish it was me. I did not want young Ronald up on that stage with you because I didn’t want it, him seeing you so honored, to water down Owen’s position with him. I was mortally afraid that it would. I knew it was a big deal. Too big a deal for me at the time. Later I realized how selfish I had been. But by then you pretty much hated me. Hell, I hated myself!” she said.

The front door buzzer buzzed. The two of us turned toward it. I rose to go to it and answer it.

“Mia!” I said, and little Sam. She had the baby in a carrier.

“Mia,” said Abigail.

“Yes, yes it’s me. Mort is working. I decided to come over and see what you were doing Dad,” she said.

“Well, I’m glad you did,” I said. “Come in come in.” she did so.

Over the next while we heard all about the early hours feeding and Mortimer’s lack of sleep related thereto. Ah parenthood, such a fun time in the early going!

“So you and Dad are good, Mom,” said Mia. I was sitting right across from my daughter when she asked her the loaded question.

“Yes Mia, I think we are,” said my ex-wife.

“Dad?” she said.

“Yes, we’re in an okay place I think,” I said. I got a look from my daughter which seemed to question my apparent qualification of my position.

“Dad?” she said.

“We’re okay. We’re talking. We agree on most things I guess one could say. And yes, the rancor of the recent past is pretty much in the rearview mirror,” I said. Mia was nodding, but it was a slow nod.

“Mia, the things your dad here and I were talking about just before you came were about the very things that you are asking about,” said Abigail.

“Uh-oh, I interrupted the biggee, didn’t I” she said.

I shrugged. Abigail leaned back in her seat and stared at her daughter, our daughter.

“I should go, shouldn’t I” said Mia.