Chapter 7

The next nights all I could think about was him screwing her. In my mind’s eye I could see the kids, Sarah and Mia, running into the house and calling for him: “daddy, daddy!” I was sick at heart and ruined of body. Jeff said I needed to move on and live my life, but I could see no upside to that. I just wanted to die. Dying would be good: an end to all of the pain and emotional suffering.

The odd thing: I felt lost and alone and empty, but I didn’t actually hate the two of them. Don’t know why; I should hate them shouldn’t I? They’d taken the last shred of hope that I might have been able to lay claim to and trampled it in the dirt. Money they’d offered me: talk about insults. Oh, and they’d allow me open visitation, but it was they allowing me; I’d have no rights that they didn’t approve of; their, his money would see to that. And there it was, the reason she’d dumped me. If I’d been rich she’d still be with me, I was certain of that. But then again, with the face I now had maybe not.

I remembered those first dates in high school. She’d made it plain then that she expected her man to be a barn burner when it came to making the geld. I had to admit that I’d failed her in that respect. So maybe this was my own fault at least in part. I was a loser when it came to the things that she most cared about. In a sense the thought made me feel a tad better. In the final analysis she’d turned out to be nothing but a cheap ass gold digger. I’d be telling her that in the unlikely event that I would ever see her again.

But the babies, I would miss them. Oh my, I would indeed miss them. But I could not be around the cheaters not on any level. And a cripple and ugly: the kids would distance themselves from me in the end without the two of them even having to try to keep me at arm’s length. No, the children were lost to me too.

The man had money. I could envision the possibility that she would be trying to hunt me down when she found out that I hadn’t signed the divorce papers. I’d made up my mind about that; no contact that was the ticket. I would just disappear from the radar. I’d have my disability and my freedom for whatever the hell those would be worth.

My dad was the only one I could envision making any time for. I’d eventually need to let him know that I was okay, well, alive but that I would be moving on and far away. I didn’t know where at this point in time. But far enough that they couldn’t just come by and harass me. She could get her divorce anyway; I was certain of that. Abandonment would have to be the basis. And abandonment was what it would be for sure. I was gonna be abandoning the hell out of them!

I did need a bit of help though. I had to get out of Germany before the evil doers pulled strings to find me if indeed they’d bother, which I was pretty sure that they could and likely would do. I did not want them to find me and discover the physically ruined semi-human I was.

The day the general and the colonel had come into the hospital to award me my medals, General Shelby had said that if I ever needed anything to let him know. Well, I was about to call in that marker. I knew he could do it. I wanted to be discharged early and on the quiet, and to have my disability checks begin immediately. Those along with a ticket stateside on any military transport available would be all I would need to start my new so-called life.

I would need to find a place that had a VA clinic nearby, oh, and a few good bars, maybe a VFW pub or something.

“So you’re leaving right away?” said Jeff, “and headed for Tucson not Phoenix.”

“Yes, General Shelby came through for me,” I said. “I gotta get outta here. And Jeff...”

“Yes?” he said.

“It ain’t likely, but if the cheaters ever contact you to find me, you don’t know anything. Okay?” I said.

“You got it man,” he said.

“Thanks, old bud. I don’t know what I’d be doing if it weren’t for you and the guys,” I said.

“You’d do the same for any of us. Hell you already have. We all stand together, flat fucking period,” he said.

“Dam straight,” I said.

“Abbs, so far the only ones around here who are in the know about what we are doing are you, me, your parents, and couple of our friends. When are you going to inform his dad? I mean the man is the girls’ grandfather,” said Owen. “And now that you’ve sent the letter...”

“I guess right away. I mean Sam will probably clue him now he’s for sure gotten the letter. His dad’s been ill for some time so he hasn’t been around too much. I did take the girls to see him last month, but apart from that time...

“But Owen, it’s been more than a month,” she said. “The Army’s slow but not that slow.”

“I’m sure he’s gotten the letter, Abbs; he just isn’t going to answer it,” said Owen. She sighed and nodded.

“So what am I going to do if he doesn’t sign the papers,” she said. He smiled.

“If he doesn’t sign them the divorce will still go through by default. He does have to be notified, but if we can’t find him then the grounds switch to abandonment. I have Cedric on it. Trust me, four more months and it’ll be final and that’ll be the end of it,” said Owen.

“Divorce by letter: it’s so cold a thing to do to that good man,” she said. He nodded.

“We’ll do right by him,” he said. “Basically, he’ll get half a million and open visitation with the children. And, like we’ve said and planned, if he wants I can get him a job that he can do and be proud of. He does have to give a little, but given that he does; he can be set for life and start over.”

“I know. But, Sam is such a proud man. I can envision him just not giving a damn about any of it. I know I stung him; my words in that letter for sure stung him. I so want to talk to the man and make things personal and right, and well, right,” she said.

“I know you do. If when he returns and doesn’t actually run off, we’ll do our best to sit him down and explain things to him, try and make him understand that neither of us could help ourselves and that we are here for him,” he said. “He just has to let us.”

“I know, I know,” she said.

The plane ride was bumpy and loud and uncomfortable but it was direct to Tucson except for one short stop in Fort Stewart, Georgia. I was settled into the Hot House Motel—that was actually the name of the place—and kicking back.

My initial disability check was also already deposited. I had cut the woman off from getting the direct deposit of my regular paycheck of which I still had one of coming. So, I was going to be able to get a decent place soon. It wouldn’t be no castle on the Rhine, and I’d actually seen one of those on the ride to the airfield, but it would be good enough for an old soldier like me. Well, okay, not an old one at age 27 almost 28, but a veteran

at all events.

I hadn’t heard from the woman since the Dear John letter that she’d sent me. It seemed odd being back and not seeing her or the babies. The babies were five or six years old now. Beautiful I was sure.

The military had seen fit to give me a decent wheel chair. It was small and collapsible for cab rides, kinda neat actually. I still technically had a ‘93 Silverado back in Phoenix, but to get it I would have to have checked in with the baddies, so I just figured to write it off and forget it. It was nigh on ten years old and probably needed work at all events, so sayo-fuckin-nara. I’d get some new wheels with hand controls as soon as I could afford them. I’d get by. I didn’t need their fucking charity.