Chapter 32: Professional Advice

Chapter Cast (at the end of the chapter)

I woke around dawn feeling strung out a bit, like so much of my world had taken on challenges beyond those I was used to handling over the years. Raising my daughters had always added some measure of stress and worry, but I’d long before come to handle that as quite normal. And having Audrey in my life added a bit more stress, but that had so many benefits that it completely offset the negative consequences. But throwing together the situation with Simone and her parents with the timing of my desire to reenter the university had made me continue to feel a little queasy the next morning as I waited for the coffee to finish brewing and attempted to more fully process everything.

I heard a car next door fire up and looked out to see Audrey already on her way out. She often liked to get in some early calisthenics before classes, and I though I might try to do the same after taking the girls to school.

Coffee done, I picked up my phone when it vibrated. It was a call from a private number, and though I usually just ignored unlisted calls, all the issues surrounding Simone made me decide it might be important.

The woman on the line was a legal assistant for an attorney with an office near my neighborhood named Melissa Rogers. Mrs. Rogers was a referral from my legal friend, practiced family law exclusively, and was interested in talking to me about my situation. We set up an appointment for mid-morning and I hung up to the sounds of teenage girls shuffling through their morning routines of fighting for bathroom time and moaning about being tired.

Gwen joined me first and I offered her orange juice and oatmeal, which she took mechanically. She’d already fixed her hair and clothes for the day, but the girl looked half-asleep, a usual expression for Gwen in the morning. I greeted next Victoria and then Simone, the latter girl still looking unsettled and uncomfortable. She, thankfully, did not try to confess anything new to me.

After dropping the girls off at school, I drove over to the attorney’s office, an end unit on a long, aging strip mall. I waited inside a small room, sipping fresh coffee, until I was guided back into a more professional setup in an office in the back. The room, while small, had a broad, dark desk and shelves of law-related books packed behind the attorney.

“I’m Melissa Rogers, Melissa is fine, thank you.” She was in her late 50s, I guessed, slender, long brown hair which was neatly pulled over her ears, just enough makeup to highlight aspects of her face without looking painted.

“Darren Oxley,” I replied, taking a seat opposite her.

“So what brings you in today, Mr. Oxley?”

“Just Darren, thanks,” I told her, then gave her a reasonable rundown of what had taken place with Simone. Melissa didn’t interrupt me except when she asked for details, such as the names of Simone’s parents or school, the names of the officers and CPS agents. “I know Samantha well, as it turns out,” she told me at one point without offering further details.

I finished up my explanation, “And so, for this week, I’ve got temporary legal custody of Simone. And I’m worried about what her parents might do, how Simone is going to deal with things ... I mean, just tomorrow evening, there’s a softball game. Her parents were taking her off the team ... I told her that she could play, while she’s with me ... is that a good idea?”

Melissa leaned back and templed her fingers, elbows on the desk. “There’s a lot to unpack here, Darren. I can offer a little advice, but...”

“But you don’t work for free, I get it,” I said, “I can pay whatever you think fair. I just want some professional advice and maybe ... someone on retainer I can call with questions.”

Melissa nodded, “We can do that.” We talked costs a moment, settled on a fair price and moved on. “The parents are obviously a wildcard here. The government is going to favor them in any argument and the goal, naturally, will be to get Simone back in their custody. However ... that they have chosen to keep Simone from them this week is a sure sign they feel the girl is best off with you, not them, for the moment. When will they next come to talk to Simone?”

“Tomorrow afternoon is what I was told.”

“I’d like to be there, just to listen in, if that’s okay. We can ensure that you hiring me includes me representing Simone, as well.”

I nodded, “Okay...”

“The truth is, every case like this is very difficult to predict. Oh, sure, Darren. There are some which are obviously going to end up with a cycle of a child running away, being reuniting, running away again, no easy solution and no way to break the cycle. There is only so much CPS can do. But ... when religion is involved ... Let’s just say that everyone is walking on eggshells. Just the fact that they left Simone in your care this week tells me the parents ... well...”

“They’re nuts.”

“I was going to say they are too upset to respond rationally to various questions, but ... sure.”

“They think she’s possessed, and I’m worried about what they will do if they get custody of her again.”

“So is CPS, clearly,” Melissa responded. “Religion is mostly sacred, not for CPS or the government to judge, but some ... some practices can be rather extreme. Is there a chance I could talk to Simone today?”

“Well ... I ... I was taking the girls to watch a ... friend of theirs play baseball,” I told her, not mentioning Audrey by name, “they’ll be with me at the game. I kinda want Simone to decide to play on Wednesday with my daughter’s team. Is ... is that a good idea?”

She pursed her lips, “You’re never going to do things exactly like her parents. You’re her guardian. So long as what you’re doing isn’t intentionally driving a deeper wedge between the girl and her parents, you should do what you feel best...”

“But that’s just it ... this was an issue they did talk to me about, very briefly. They wanted Simone to do more scripture studies instead of playing ball. They took her off the team to keep her from being exposed to gay classmates.”

Melissa shook her head, “You just have to do your best for her, Darren. This might drive a fresh wedge, yes, but in this case, you clearly are not adding harm. The choice is yours, and Simone’s...”

“Then ... if you are free this evening, I’ll give you the address of the school they’re playing. I’ll have Simone with me.”

Melissa nodded and we wrapped up our appointment. She offered me some thanks for looking out for Simone and promised to be at the game that evening. I left feeling like, at minimum, I had an ally to help me out even if the woman had few specific answers for me just yet.

I drove to the park, inhaled a few deep breaths of cool January air, and proceeded to push myself to run and jog and fast walk a couple of laps of the park before heading home for a break.

I showered and considered what to do about Simone’s confessions. I was dead set on not learning any of the details of her intimate relationship with my daughter. I didn’t want to know about mouths and fingers and such things. A deep, long-buried part of me responded in a way I didn’t like and I had no desire to test my restraints after so long keeping those dark thoughts in check. I needed to give Simone an alternate outlet for her confessions.

After debating asking Gwendolyn or Audrey to lend an ear, I wasn’t sure either of those options would work either. What I decided to try was a journal or a diary, somewhere Simone could write down her confessions and leave it for me to read. Not that I would read it, but it might give Simone the chance to work through the issue without me, or anyone else, being made to share what should be very private thoughts.

I walked down to the store, picked up a couple of nice notebooks and returned to do a bit of housework before the girls needed a ride home.

“Melissa wants to meet with you,” I told Simone while she sat on the couch and I stood nearby, Gwen still out and Vic in the bathroom after I’d picked the two girls up at school. “I’ve hired her to help us get through this situation, and she’ll be representing you throughout, okay? She’d like to talk to you this evening at Audrey’s game.”

“Okay,” the girl said quietly, “uh ... Audrey’s game?”

“Oh, yeah, uh ... Audrey is a good friend of ... Gwen ... and she lives next door ... we go to a lot of her games...”

“Oh, okay ... then, yeah, I’ll talk with her, okay...”

“Good, and ... I’ve had an idea, as well, about your confessions?”

Simone looked away shyly.

I handed her the notebooks and said, “Instead of, you know, telling me things directly ... why don’t you write down everything you believe needs confessed in the notebook. You can leave it with me each time you’re done, and I’ll be sure to get it back to you each morning...”

Simone turned over the notebook and pursed her lips, “But ... I’m supposed to tell someone about when I do dirty things or have bad thoughts, when I sin...”

“You will, just ... on paper. It’s the same thing, and ... you can do it whenever you feel the need, okay? You don’t have to wait until I have time to listen, right? Clear you conscience immediately, knowing I can read it later...”

“Hmmm ... okay ... Um, Mr. Oxley?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you, like, not like when I confessed?”

“I ... no ... not particularly.”

“Oh...”

“See, Simone,” I tried to explain, “the things you told me ... they’re really normal, alright? I don’t understand why your parents require you to tell them about your thoughts or what you did that they think is bad. What you and Vic do ... is private. Between the two of you. Nobody’s business, not even mine. You don’t need to tell me, or anyone, those things ... But ... I understand you feel the need, I just ... I’m uncomfortable ... hearing about you with my daughter, or ... learning about your private thoughts...”

“But if I don’t tell someone ... I feel bad!”

“I know. We’ll work on that while you’re here. I’m afraid you’ve been taught to feel guilty about normal things, Simone ... About normal things a girl might do at your age. I’m sorry you’ve been brought up to think this way ... try, though, considering what I’m saying, that you aren’t bad, that thinking about girls, or my daughter, or being ... intimate ... those aren’t bad acts. Your parents, they’re just trying to control you, that’s all. And ... I think you deserve a chance to make your own choices and not tell people about private things.”

She shrugged, “I just feel bad if I don’t.”

It was a losing argument at that moment, no matter how I attacked it. It would clearly take some serious deprogramming for Simone to get beyond the strict, imposing ways her parents had chained her and forced her guilt and shame to keep her constantly seeking absolution through faith and religion and inappropriate confessions. One of the nastier side effects of the cult-like fundamentalist mindset. The poor girl was made to believe herself unworthy, dirty, and shameful just because she had normal urges and curiosities.

Once Victoria was out of the bathroom, I suggested Simone take a shower, and I texted Audrey to let her know we’d be there a little before first pitch. It was a road game for Audrey’s team, but only a few miles away at one of the closer schools in their division. Audrey had told me previously that Aldrin Technical High School was expected to be the top team in the league that season, and a road game was an even tougher challenge.

Audrey texted back a brief, Great!, and I made a quick meal for the girls and I of macaroni and cheese, salad, and chicken tenders.

Gwen wasn’t home by the time we were ready to leave for the game, so I texted her, just to check in, not aware of any commitments she had that evening. I let her know where we were going.

My oldest daughter texted back, Ok. I’m with Pete. Can I bring him over while you’re gone?

I knew, of course, what my daughter was going to do, and I admit, there was a small disagreement in my thoughts. On one hand, it was a school night and I had generally disallowed the girls having late-evening visitors on those days so that they could concentrate on homework and spending time with each other, and with me. But the part of my thoughts which won out considered that Gwen and Pete would just find somewhere else to make out and have sex, somewhere more risky and less comfortable, and so I sent back, Sure. You know your curfew. Take him home and be back before that.

I know thanks Dad.

Vic and Simone were in the stands while I stood near the parking lot and waited for Melissa. The woman was a few minutes early for her expected arrival. I greeted her and then took her to meet Simone, having the girl come down so that I could do so without the others in the stands overhearing. They shook hands and Melissa explained the situation, then asked Simone if she might ask her some questions privately. Simone agreed, so I left the two to talk and went to join Victoria in her seats.

“She okay today?” I asked quietly after sitting next to my daughter.

“Yeah, I suppose. She’s still pretty fucke— uh, messed in the head, right now.”

I nodded, ignoring the slip, “That’s normal. She’s just a couple of days out of being in her parent’s home. She’s got a lot of ... expectations ... about things which will take a great deal of time and patience to undo...”

“Do you think she’ll be made to go back to them?”

I shrugged, “I dunno, Vic, that’s always the assumption, I think, though, this is not an easy situation to predict. Her parents are...”

“Insane?”

“I was going to say, strict, but, yeah ... that too.”

“Simone gets like ... real sad ... like last night, she just couldn’t sleep, I think. Crying some. I tried to make it better, Dad ... I don’t know what to do...”

“She, uh ... she apparently has been made to confess things ... to her parents...”

Vic narrowed her eyes, “Confess?”

“Yeah ... anything they consider dirty or bad or wrong ... They make her tell them each night what she’s done that they don’t approve of, and ... they punish her, so I expect. She didn’t mention what they do...”

“What sort of things does she confess?”

I replied, “Well ... what she told me last night was ... she had dirty thoughts about girls, though she hid that from her parents, part of why she’s been so stressed lately. She told them she thought about boys that way, and Simone seems to hate lying even to keep from being punished. And ... she confessed ... explicit, intimate things...”

“Uh...”

“Yeah ... not something I wanted to hear...”

“Like, about me and her?”

“Yep.”

Vic shuddered, “Ugh. Gross. I don’t want you to know that!”

“And I don’t want to hear about it, I promise you...” I told Vic about the journal idea, and I asked her to respect her girlfriend’s privacy, “She’s writing it for me, in a sense, and only for me ... until we can help her feel less guilt and shame over normal things. I’m not going to read it. But ... it’s personal, just for her, really.”

“Oh, I won’t read it,” Vic promised. “I keep a diary, you know, I get how things work...”

I nodded, “Good. You’re doing great, Vic, with all this. I just want you to know I’m very proud of you. This hasn’t been easy, but you’ve been a really great friend ... girlfriend ... when Simone needs someone to love and support her.”

Vic smiled and leaned against my arm, “I just love her, Dad. I’ll do anything for her.”

“I know. I’m happy for you both...”

“Thanks for helping, Dad,” Vic added, “I dunno what would have happened if she didn’t have somewhere to go...”

“I’ll do anything I can. That’s why I hired Ms. Rogers to represent us, and Simone. Just to be sure we are doing what we can for the girl.”

“Can Simone live with us forever?”

I shrugged, “That’s not going to be clear any time soon, Vic.”

“No, I know, I mean, if she isn’t sent back to her parents or some other place. Can she live with us for good?”

I nodded, “We can figure that out, but yes. Just ... be mindful, Vic ... sometimes ... relationships don’t last the way you think they might. If you and Simone don’t want to be girlfriends, for whatever reason, we still have to give her some place to live...”

“We won’t break up, I swear! I love her!”

“I know, Sweetie, but life doesn’t work that way, not always. I’m not saying I want you to break up, just ... things happen. You’re young, she’s young, you might want different things, need different experiences, and ... young love often ends in heartbreak before you move on to something better...”