Chapter 1: Fast and Dirty Fiction

I awoke with a strong desire to toss my cookies. Of course I couldn’t make it to the bathroom. I did make it outside before I bent forward and emptied my stomach. I didn’t feel a hell of a lot better until I decided that I had at least entertained two teenage girls who watch a fifty year old man in his underwear throwing up in a public campground. I had managed at least to do it in the grass, rather than the paved parking lot.

I made it back into my old Ford pickup camper before a cop came. In that tiny camper I managed to struggle into my jeans from the day before. When I arrived at the communal bathhouse, I saw a larger thermometer which read sixty degrees. Not the ideal temperature to be walking around in flip flops, but it could have been much worse. I could still be in Philadelphia Pennsylvania where I’m sure it was ten decrees colder. I counted my lucky stars that I had family in Tupelo Mississippi.

Tupelo’s claim to fame was the accidental birth of Elvis Presley. I don’t mean to say Elvis was an accident, though he might have been, the accident was where he was born. Tupelo had absolutely nothing to do with his being born in the shotgun shack his family called home.

Tupelo was also the home of Judy Acres, my Cousin. Judy’s mother had been my mother’s older sister. The two of them had visited each other several times. That fact explains how I came to know Judy. My mom bundled us together to get us out of Philly’s coldest months. Judy’s mom and her brood came north to avoid the heat and bugs of August.

I dressed quickly then drove into town. The drive was a whole three miles. I had to pass the roadside beer joint where I had spent most of previous evening. I still wasn’t sure if I was celebrating or drowning my sorrows. Since I retired from the Camden New Jerseys police department just one step ahead of a federal indictment, I had cause to celebrate. Then again two days after I took my early retirement, the indictment got quashed, so maybe I hadn’t been lucky enough to celebrate.

The mayor felt I should consider myself lucky since the city council extended my nineteen years to twenty by factoring in my vacation time. They also considered my Army Reserve time to sweeten the deal to force me to retired without coming back to serve my six month shortfall.

While I waited around the house for the details to be worked out, I put the small three bedroom, two bath, remodeled row house on the market. The real estate market was still in a depression, so I was only able to sell it for my original purchase price and a few bucks for the equity. I had closed the deal only five days earlier. I moved out of the house three days later and began my drive to Tupelo Mississippi the next day.

During the last couple of weeks, I had added a bed cover to my ten year old Ford pick up. I also hired an auctioneer to sell all my furniture. I turned the Ford into a half ass camper by adding the base of the kitchen hutch. I added a folding canvas and metal bed to the empty side of the truck bed. I was a tight fit but it didn’t effect the stability of my camp bed. It was stable enough to hold the cheap piece of four inch foam rubber.

The only other furniture was a foot locker. I placed in the truck bed just behind the cab. They weren’t furniture, but there were two black plastic milk cartons shoved under the camp bed and around the wheel hump. Other than that it was cluttered, but it was organized clutter.

My appointment with Judy was for 10AM at Johnnie’s Drive In on Main street in Tupelo. I found Judy waiting for me. I wasn’t surprised since I was ten minutes late. I kissed her on the cheek before I sat down.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. The traffic was backed up. I was behind a produce truck who was behind a farm tractor,” I said.

“Ah the rush hour,” she said. “I thought you might have a hang over.”

“How did you know I was out drinking last night?” I asked.

“You told Millie the bartender, that’s like taking an advertisement in the Daily Journal. So how was your morning so far. You look like hell.” she said in one steady stream.

“I’m fine, I was just up late.” I said.

“I heard you left with Mica. Mica is Tupelo’s resident cross dresser.” Judy explained.

“I see. Well this might be the only time I have ever been happy that I was too drunk to get turned on,” I said.

“Good, then you can stay here as long as you like,” Judy said.

“Thanks for your permission,” I said sarcastically.

“So how long you planning on staying?” she asked.

“Can I at least stay long enough to order breakfast?” I answered her question with a question.

“Of course, you can even stay longer than it takes to finish you eggs. Your mom told me about the trouble in which you are involved. I’m really sorry,” she said.

“It might have been for the best,” I said trying to sound cheerful.

“Of course it could. As a matter of fact, if you are going to stay, I might offer you a job,” she said.

“I don’t think I can go into law enforcement again, but most anything else I might try,” I suggested.

“Eat your eggs, we can go to the park to talk. I want your full attention,” she said.

“In that case you might want to give me a day or two,” I said smiling at her. “I need a while for the cobwebs to go away.”

“No this is how I want you. I don’t want you going all good cop bad cop on me. I want you feeling like you just got your ass kicked. I want you feeling like it’s the end of the world and someone named Judy just threw you a life line,” she said.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked.

“I’m going to offer you a job. I want you to be less a good guy, and more of a bad guy,” she said.

“I’m already a bad guy, if you don’t believe me ask Alicia Garza,” I said.

“Who is that?” Judy asked.

The founder of Black Lives Matter. She can give you the whole story. The parts my mom left out,” I said.

“I doubt that. So tell me this, how would you like a job where you can hide out for about a year?” Judy asked.

“What happens then?” I asked.

“If we are successful you can be my partner, if we fail we can say goodby to Tupelo forever,” she said.

“I can do that tomorrow,” I admitted.

“Do you remember how to get to daddy’s farm?” she asked. I shook my head. “Well follow me and I can show you how to get there. When we do, I can tell you what I have in mind.

Before I nodded my agreement I took my first good look at her. Judy was about five-five or five- six, her hair was the color of pink cotton candy, her clothes were from a thrift shop specializing in 1960’s revival and she also wore thick nerdy glasses. She was something of a mess, cute for a thirty year old woman trapped in the 1960 ‘s. I expected her to start quoting Alice’s Restaurant at any moment.

I followed her tiny Smart car to a cabin on a dirt drive off a gravel road. The air smelled of rot and death. “So this is your dad’s farm. It looked different when I was ten,” I said.

I saw a black Cadillac SUV coming down the long dirt drive. “Who is the big shot?” I asked.

“That would be Senator Pettybone,” Judy replied.

“And why is he coming to meet a man without a badge?” I asked.

“I wanted him here to explain his interest in a small patch of dirt,” Judy said.

While we spoke the Cadillac pulled to a stop near us. The senator was an imposing man of over six feet in height. He was at least two hundred pounds and change. He had to be at least 60 years old judging by his head of two toned hair. It was more gray than black. It was also likely and expensive dye job. His voice was a conversational level, but still managed to convey a commanding boom to it.

“Mr Andrews has Judy here explained her proposition?” he asked me.

“No we just arrived,” I said.

“Well I don’t want to steal her thunder, so I’ll be going. I wanted you to know that I’m down with her project completely. Just keep that in mind,” he said.

“Judy dear, I will call you this afternoon. I hope you will have good news for me.” He said that last bit looking at me. He shook my hand and gave her a big hug, climbed in the SUV and then drove away.

“Okay, whats all the mystery,” I said to Judy as his car vanished.

“First of all he has no financial interest in the business, he just wants to sponsor a bill to allow residents of the state to grow medical marijuana for sale in the states where it is legal. It’s a chance for the state to have another big industry. He needs us to run a slightly illegal operation to prove it is viable. He says if we get a crop in and present it for sale, then he can get the votes to make it legal,” Judy explained.

“And if we get busted at or before the time of the sale,” I said.

“He will get the Attorney General to challenge the federal jurisdiction over growing a legal product. The product is not illegal just the use of it. I have a copy of the legal challenge. You can have any lawyer you want read it through. He can then give an opinion on it’s possibility of passing the supreme court. We think it is pretty good. Everything is based on our getting that first year’s crop ready to ship,” she said.

“Of course you have no money?” I said.

“Not after I bought the seeds, and paid the back taxes,” Judy explained.

“This land is pretty exposed to be growing large fields of pot,” I said.

“I know, but we have some help there,” she said. “We need to plant a legal crop at the edge of the fields. A crop that can be seen by people passing by. The interior of the fields we can grow the pot. The DEA has all but stopped trying to chase down growers. The drones have been transferred to the southern border. They are there to stop illegal immigration and the hard drug traffic. We are hoping to slip through the cracks.”

“It sounds too easy,” I said.

She handed me a flash drive. “Read the file marked Proposal. It will explain everything.”

“Tell me one more thing, why me?” I asked.

“The stars are in alignment. You are out of work. You can’t be in love with the system right now. Best of all you have the right background for the job,” Judy said.

“I know nothing about farming,” I said.

“Fortunately my girl friend Rena does,” she said. “She has an associate degree in horticulture. She has actually grown pot in greenhouses.”

“So how much of the business do I own, and what will be my responsibilities?” I asked.

“I’m thinking twenty five percent ownership. You will be in charge of production and distribution. Oh yeah and in charge of security,” Judy suggested. “I’m sure more stuff will come along as well.”

“Of course it will,” I said. “I’ll go back to the campground and read your proposal. After that we will talk again.”

“Fair enough,” she said.

I drove by the Walmart store for a large Sam’s diet cola, a bag of ice, and a frozen Mac and Cheese dinner from their Deli. I then drove back to the campground for a different space. I parked my pickup and sat down with my laptop to read Judy’s proposal. Actually I read it twice since some of it made no sense on the first reading. Even after two reading there were a few things that still didn’t make a lot of sense to me.

Still I got enough from it to know that she needed me. Not only was I an ex- cop, I was also an all around problem solver. I could see a multitude of problems on Judy’s horizon. Things she wouldn’t be able to cope with when she presented herself to banks and thugs. They would never take her seriously with her bubble gum hair and face full of jewelry. I wasn’t sure how much better I would fair but I was sure it would be some better.

The remaining question was did I need her. I figured the gig would last less than a year, but maybe I was wrong about that. I still hadn’t made my final decision when the Sheriff’s deputy pulled into the campground. He pulled directly to my space. I wasn’t surprised even though no one knew I was on the way. I was pretty sure someone had done a background check on me. It would have been one of Judy’s friends, or maybe the honorable Senator. Either way the law dog was parked behind my truck.

“What can I do for you Deputy?” I asked.

“You Matt Andrews,” he asked.

“I am, so what can I do for you?” I asked again.

“What’s in the glass?” he asked.

“Diet coke, is there a problem?” I answered with a question.

“I don’t know. What’s your business here?” he asked.

“I thought I would rest up today then catch the Elvis museum tomorrow. Is there a problem?” I asked.

“No not a problem, do you have any fire arms,” he asked.

“I’m on the road. I have a Mossberg pump action 12guage,” I replied.

“Any handguns?” he asked.

“None, don’t have no use for handguns,” I replied like a true redneck.

“Mind if I look around?” he asked.

“Actually I do. Cops have a habit of making a mess when they search. You are going to need a warrant to search,” I replied.

“So much for our friendly chat,” he said.

“Looks like it,” I replied.

The deputy tried to stare me down, but it just didn’t work. Since I knew how much juice he didn’t have. I crawled into the back of the truck, then went to sleep. I had picked up a mosquito net since I had heard enough about Tupelo’s Mosquitoes to realize what would happen without one. Maybe not tonight but some night soon and for the rest of my days in their territory.

The next morning after I was awake for an hour, I called Judy. “Draw up a contract and I’ll sign it. Then tell me what you want to do first.” I demanded. “But twenty five percent just wont do. I will take forty percent. You think it over and be ready to tell me whether I stay or go when you call back.”

“Can you drive a tractor?” Judy asked.

“I never have, but I’ll look it up on the net. Just tell me the brand name and model information,” I explained.

I spent that morning with her lawyer, and the afternoon with her small twenty year old Ford tractor. It wasn’t in the best shape, but she assured me it would do the job. It would open three parallel grooves in the fields, Judy explained. I looked the tractor over and knew it was going to be a challenge.

“Rena will meet you tomorrow at the farm at nine thirty. She will be prepared to show you our first field. She will also help you get started cutting the soil,” Judy explained.

That’s fine I’ll be there. All in all my second day in Tupelo was as big as waste as my first. The deal was simple Judy got free labor until the pot was sold. I didn’t mind since Judy and her girl friend wouldn’t have any hold on me. If we went bust without a product, I got nothing. If we sold our product, I got thirty five percent of the profit. Yes I allowed her to negotiate me down. Since she was my only offer, I was in no position to play hard to get.

Rena was probably half my age, which put her in the mid twenties. She was attractive in that country girl from Tupelo kind of way. Less than perfect teeth, bad hair but not carnival colored. She was a natural brunette I assumed. Since no one would have their hair dyed that color. Her body was thin and had no special features. She was really just a plain woman, but a real one.

We spent a morning together while she schooled me in the art of Marijuana cultivating. I learned how deep I should plow the soil, and how deep to plant the seeds. The kinds and amounts of fertilizer we would be using, was also covered in the quick course. There were a lot of things to cover but Rena would be around at least by phone to answer any questions that came up.

After the meet officially ended she asked, “Has Judy spoken to you about living out here?”

“No, is she supposed to convince me?” I asked her.

“Well you know there is a high probability that once it is known what we are doing there will be those who want to take advantage of us,” Rena said.

“Well there are just a few amenities available at the campground, but even that is more than this place seems to have. Running water and electric power being highest on the list. Oh yes flush toilets are right up there,” I explained.

“Well she will explain her plan. She knows it much better than I do. Please think it over carefully. We really need your help,” Rena informed me.

It was 1PM when she declared the meeting over. I drove through the drive in window on their restaurant with arches and free WIFI. I sat in the parking lot, with my quarter pounder with cheese, while I researched retail stores in and around Tupelo Ms. I found the address of the Walmart in Tupelo and the closest Home Depot located in Saltillo, Mississippi. I figured that was a good start to making life bearable in Tupelo.

I called Judy after I wiped the ketchup from my shirt. It was deposited there by the onions falling from the quarter pounder with cheese. I didn’t look too awful so I asked her to meet me at the gateway park at five.

I took a long walk while I waited for Judy. I was thinking about her life and realized I knew nothing about her. Sure I knew she was a hair dresser, sorry hair stylist. She had a business of her own she carried her shop to the clients, my mom had told me. She obviously wanted something more from life. I would usually consider that a good trait in a woman. It this case I had to weigh it against some time spent in a state prison. I was about to decide to let it go and just move on, when Judy drove up.

“Hello Matt,” she said. “Rena said you seemed interested.”

“Most anything is of interest to a man with too much time on his hands,” I explained. “So have you got a few minutes to convince me to stay here and help you.”

“You know what we are going to do now. You also know the risks,” Judy said.

“Actually I don’t. For instance you tell me the three of us and the state senator are he only ones who know?” I made it a question.

“That’s right,” she said.

“Let me tell you something. If anyone comes around that farm in the middle of the night, you and Rena are going to have a big problem. It my be the kind of problem which causes blood to flow. Do we understand each other.”

“That goes for you as well,” she said.

“I expect Rena to come out and help me with the farm when she isn’t busy with her job. I expect you to do the same,” I said.

“Of course when you have a project that need our help, we will find a way to make it work,” she said.

“Your dad’s shack will most likely need some basic renovations. If nothing else, a composting toilet arrangement, not an outhouse. I would prefer a flush toilet and shower of some kind,” I said.

“There is a well on the place. We can have it checked tomorrow by the county health department. We are going into summer very soon, so we can at least arrange an outdoor shower. Toilet would have to be attached to the county lines. That is too dangerous. How about a tank? One that gets pumped out when it gets full.”

“That would work. I assume you are willing to make these renovations?” I asked.

“Of course,” she agreed. “And any other reasonable upgrades. I assume I can count on you to do what you can. I don’t expect you to be a carpenter, but I expect you to make basic repairs to the place. We all want to keep the strangers who visit the farm to a minimum.

“Agreed,” I said.

“Why don’t you go out and spend the night tonight. Come by my place after 6PM. I’ll give you a key and some bottled water and things,” Judy said.

After our conversation she shook my hand before getting into her car and driving away. She must have thought it made her seem more business like. My opinion was, Judy would always be a hair dresser and wannabe pot farmer. How she got the senator on board was anybody’s guess.

I figured I might as well take the summer off and see what a walk on the dark side would be like. Growing pot would be a small sin and a good lawyer could get it dismissed, I was sure of that. Especially if I gave them a state senator. They might dismiss everything just to keep him in the closet. I decided that, all in all, the adventure out weighed the risks.

I picked up the key to the padlock and a five gallon jug of water from Judy. “So how is making the place livable coming?” I asked.

“You have power, so look around you might fine out how the well works. If so you will at least have water in the kitchen. From there to an outside shower is only a garden how away,” Judy said.

“No way I’m taking cold showers unless you provide the incentive,” I said with a smile.

“Don’t be a smart ass. I’ll try to get you a plumber, but in the meantime you can come here to shower.” she agreed.

“Make sure your plumber can bury and tank and put in a flush toilet as well.” I spent a few minutes loading the mystery boxes into the truck, then drove to the farm. It was dark before I arrived. It was probably a good thing. I could not see the extent of the filth inside the shack. I flipped the light switch but nothing happened. Since I had no idea where the circuit breaker was, I just wrapped myself in a blanket from Judy’s house. I did manage to find the bed by flashlight. I fell into it without checking it and tried to sleep. I’m sure I have slept worse places, but I’m also sure I was drunk at the time.

Next morning when I awoke, I found the place wasn’t as dirty as I expected. It was obvious that Judy and her friend had cleaning it. They evidently spend time in the place, but not enough to make it livable. After I did my morning pee, I found the circuit breaker. It was a weather proof box on the porch which was covered by an aluminum canopy but still open to the elements.

The kitchen power outlets worked so I looked for and found a toaster. I had my one heavy, empty calorie meal of the day, two cinnamon and brown sugar pop tarts. Since it was raining, I expected to stay indoors wrapped in that blanket again. I found the coffee pot on an open shelf. I thought, there is no telling what hairy little things walked through that pot. It didn’t matter enough for me to skip the coffee.

So I boiled some water and washed it carefully. One thing led to another and I wound up cleaning the cabin. It was a good thing it was a small cabin. I got all the way through the place before lunch. I even had time to explore for a wireless connection. I didn’t have a smart phone, but I did have coverage on my dumb phone. I was sure that I could fine a WIFI signal somewhere in Tupelo. If I found one, I would have to figure out a way to piggyback on it.

I knew the McDonalds had a WIFI signal since I had used it previously. I could go sit in Judy’s driveway and pirate her signal, but neither of those options were convenient. I needed to at least have internet service. One day soon I would have to look into that, I told myself that just before I took a nap.

It was a Friday when the rain stopped. It was too wet to plow the fields, so I went shopping. I bought food based on my discoveries over the three previous days. It was mostly canned food I could heat, or thing needing refrigeration but not freezing. The refrigerator was about a hundred years old, so I didn’t trust the freezer with anything more than ice trays. Maybe later I would take a chance.

After my trip to the store I found Rena sitting in the shade under my porch such as it was. It was more a metal carport awning. She had her butt in a web type lawn chair and her feet propped up on one of three large bag.

“So what brings you here. Checking to see if I drowned?” I asked.

“If you want to think that fine,” she said. “Checking to see if you have room inside for the bags of seeds. It isn’t warm enough for them to germinate yet. We just need them stored out of sight for now.”

“Space is tight but maybe we can find room for them,” I suggested.

“I also wanted to tell you we can pick up the tractor, if you can pull a trailer with your truck?” she asked.

“I can, if I have a hitch installed,” I said. “But to get a trailer hitch installed would cost more than to have the tractor delivered.”

“Maybe but let us tit some more thought. Judy’s dad and uncle went in together to buy a tractor. The tractor is at her uncle Garrett’s house. We need a way to haul it back and forth,” she explained.

“Garrett’s son Michael is a farmer/handyman. He has a junked out hitch he can weld on for us. It will cost about fifty bucks, if you are will to spring for it. I mean after all it will be on your truck,” Rena explained.

“If he can do it today? It’s a deal,” I agreed.

I figured I could use it to pull a camper, if all else failed. That was why I followed Rena to Judy’s cousin Micheal’s farm, workshop, and junk yard. He had the trailer hitch laid out in the garage for me. Rena left me with Michael.

“So you gonna try your hand at farming?” Michael asked.

“I’m going to play at it while I take the summer off. Rena thinks there is a market for tomatoes and some specialty herbs. I’m not responsible for anything other than helping get them into the ground, and then helping to pick them. The project is Judy and Rena’s not mine,” I explained.

An hour later Michael hooked the small tractor and trailer to my truck. I drove off very carefully. It would take some getting used to, but I managed to pull it back to Judy’s farm. Even though I planned to run a disk attachment over the ground the next day, I stretched a reinforced blue plastic tarp over the trailer. I anchored it down with broken concrete block pieces which I found laying around the yard.

During the afternoon while the sun worked it’s magic on the soggy fields, I drove into to Tupelo to use the public library’s WIFI to down load three novels. I figured I could read them at night when I wasn’t working. I could improve my mind at least until I got bored with them. Then I could visit the sports bar where I drank way too much on my first night in the area.

When I got home I unloaded the furniture (such as it was) from the rear of my truck. I piled it up where Rena had been sitting under the awning, then covered it with a tarp. It would probably survive the summer there. If not it was no big loss. I did take the foam rubber sleep pad inside the house. A mattress could never be too thick, I decided.

After I made coffee, I settled in under the awning with a giant fan called the wind machine blowing on me. That thing moved a hell of a lot of air. It could probably create a breeze all the way through the railroad tunnel shaped cabin.

I had downloaded the complete set of Mickey Spillane’s Mike Hammer series, so I began with the first one. Half of ‘I, the Jury (1947)’ filled my afternoon until time for dinner. At 7PM I moved everything inside.

After a meal of beanie wienies, I went back to my novel with a glass fake iced tea from a mix. It wasn’t awful is the best I can say for it. Also the fact that I had a glass of ice cubes from the antique refrigerator was a great help. I finished the novel before I went to bed. I did remember to plug in the charger for my Dell laptop computer before I tried to sleep. The fan helped with the heat and the mosquitoes. It did cause a drop in temperature at 3AM but I pulled on an old blanket.

The next morning after I made some eggs with cheese, I unloaded the tractor and found that it had been recently serviced. Judy’s other cousin Michael had taken good care of his dad’s tractor. It smoked some but it had no strange noises. It also seemed to have good compression. The smoking stopped after a few seconds. I expected that the engine had a small oil leak which appeared only after the engine had been shut down. Most likely a valve seal problem. The oil drained through the valves and mixed with the gasoline in the cylinders. When the engine started it smoked until those few drops of oil burned away. It really wasn’t a problem at that point. I didn’t expect it to become a problem either.

Rena and Judy came out to the farm while I was running the disks over the ground. Judy had called asking for a progress report. I told her that I was no farmer, but it appeared that the ten acres would be cut by dark.

“You need to get Rena out here to explain the net step to me,” I suggested.

“Okay, we can come out to discuss our next moves,” Judy said.

That call came early in the afternoon. I spend the time time between her call and her showing up plowing. I was on the last few rows when they showed up. I saw the two of them walk into the edge of the field. I didn’t want to stop, but I did anyway. We needed to talk and I could finish the next day. I headed the tractor back to the awning which served as a porch and storage area.

When they arrived I spoke first, “I should have the field finished tomorrow for sure. What else do I need to do to prepare the soil?”

“I started to germinate the seeds already. I should have seedling ready to transplant in a couple of weeks.”

“You are going to have to teach me in detail how all that works. I know from nothing about growing flowers let alone pot,” I explained.

“You need to make a patch for the plants. It needs to be loose soil not clumped,” Judy said. “Daddy had something to pull behind the tractor that flattened out the clumps. It should be around here somewhere, or at Michael’s place.”

“Rena and I can teach you, and even help you get the job done,” Judy said with a laugh. “You have a couple of weeks before the seedlings will be ready to plant. We are far enough from the road so no one should be driving by sight seeing.”