A Well-Lived Life 2 - Book 4 - Elyse
Chapter 4: Counseling and Comforting

Copyright © 2015-2023 Penguintopia Productions

Coming of Age Sex Story: Chapter 4: Counseling and Comforting - This is the continuation of the story told in "A Well-Lived Life 2", Book 3. If you haven't read the entire 10 book "A Well-Lived Life" and the first three books of "A Well-Lived Life 2" you'll have some difficulty following the story. This is a dialog driven story. The author was voted 'Author of the Year' and 'Best New Author' in the 2015 Clitorides Awards, and 'Author of the Year' in 2017.

Caution: This Coming of Age Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa   Ma/ft   Fa/Fa   Mult   Military   Workplace   Polygamy/Polyamory   First   Slow  

January 4, 1990, Milford, Ohio

“Where did you sleep last night?” Doctor Mercer asked after I sat down on her couch.

“With Bethany,” I said.

Doctor Mercer shook her head, “I told her that was a terrible idea.”

“Nothing happened, Doctor Mercer. Nothing except me holding her while she cried herself to sleep. I was wearing full pajamas and she had on a long nightgown that I didn’t even know she owned.”

“I would hope not!” Doctor Mercer said with a nervous laugh.

“Point taken, but you know what I meant,” I said. “One thing Bethany has taught me over the years is what it means to truly consent to sex. And in her state, she can’t consent. I know it. And if I could resist her to the point of distraction and frustration back when we were fifteen, don’t you think I could do so now?”

“You COULD. But your desire to comfort her could override your good judgment. That’s why I think it’s so risky. Tell me about last night.”

“Aren’t we talking about my confrontation with mortality?”

“No. You’ll work that out yourself. You promised Bethany that you would start writing in your journal again. That’s all you need. I can’t help you with your impending death any more than you can help me with mine. That’s a path we all have to walk alone. You’re staring death in the face right now. You need to come to grips with it on your terms, not mine or anyone else’s. Look, to be blunt, you’re fine. You really are. Bethany on the other hand, is not.”

“No, she isn’t,” I agreed.

“So tell me what happened last night.”

I nodded, “Well, I went and got my stuff from my friend’s house and then drove back to Milford. Bethany and I went to Frisch’s for lunch, and then we stopped in to see my friend Andreas at his deli. He’s retiring in a few months and moving to Arizona. Anyway, we went back to her house and just sat together and listened to music and talked. We had dinner with her parents, and then spent the evening with them and Ed. Bethany’s mom is very uncomfortable with Bethany’s choices.”

“So am I,” Doctor Mercer said. “But go on.”

“Her mom made a couple of remarks and I just let them go. She tried to hint at Bethany making bad choices but between Bethany’s dad and me, we got her to hold her tongue.”

Doctor Mercer nodded, “Bethany was worried about her mom and what she might say because of what happened between you and Bethany four-and-a-half years ago.”

“She’s been upset with Bethany ever since,” I said. “But the thing is, Bethany and I were not meant to be together. It would have been forced, if you will, and neither of us would have been truly happy in the long run.”

“This might sound odd, but you two were too close to get married. You knew how to be friends and lovers, but that doesn’t translate to being married in every case; most certainly not in yours. She’d have acquiesced to your very odd notion of marriage, but she wouldn’t have embraced it the way Jessica apparently has.”

“And you know that how?” I asked, knowing the answer.

“Bethany and I talked after your breakup, but before she got together with Nick. I helped her through the whole Andrew fiasco.”

I shook my head, “She wasn’t thinking clearly then.”

“And she’s not now, even though it might appear that she is. But continue, please.”

“Well, we went up to bed and she started to change in front of me, and all I could see in my mind was the sexy cheerleader I used to make love with all the time. I stopped her, took my things and went to the bathroom to change, and asked her to open the door to her room when she’d changed for bed.”

Doctor Mercer nodded, “Very clear thinking on your part.”

“Both one of the easiest and hardest things I’ve ever done,” I said.

Doctor Mercer gave a slight laugh, “I get it. Go on.”

“We got into bed and she snuggled close and I held her while she cried herself to sleep. I couldn’t sleep, so I lay there thinking about everything that had happened. I don’t know how long it was, but Bethany woke up and lifted her head from my chest and asked me to please make love to her. She begged, even. I refused, gently, and she cried herself to sleep again. This morning she apologized and promised she wouldn’t ask again.”

“That’s exactly what I was afraid of,” Doctor Mercer said. “She’s an emotional wreck right now and she’s making some bad decisions. Not all of her decisions are bad, but this one certainly was.”

“No, it wasn’t,” I objected firmly. “She made exactly the right decisions. She needs me in exactly the way I agreed to be with her, and she did that knowing that after thirteen years she could trust me to keep things under control. She was right, by the way.”

“We’ve discussed your sexuality many times in the past, but I have to say that given your penchant for sleeping with a girl at the drop of a hat, I’m impressed.”

“Any hat,” I chuckled.

“Please?”

I suppressed a chuckle. I wasn’t used to the ‘Cincinnati Please’ any longer, and it now seemed quaint. I guess I really was turning into a ‘Chicago’ boy, despite my allegiance to the Reds and Penguins.

“Sorry. A Star Trek: The Next Generation reference. There’s a planet where one of the characters claims people make love at the drop of a hat and then says ‘Any hat’.”

“Sounds like a place you’d enjoy!” Doctor Mercer chuckled.

“So would any red-blooded male. The only problem is they have the death penalty for ALL crimes. Including trampling flowers.”

“I knew there had to be some downside to this male paradise!”

“Doctor Mercer,” I chuckled, “I’m sure you know that women do enjoy sex as much as men!”

“Yes, yes, but we’re going off-topic.”

“Are we? You were worried that Bethany and I would sleep together, euphemistically, that is, rather than literally sleep. It didn’t happen. It won’t happen. In fact, I’d say that it won’t happen ever again for the rest of our lives. She needs me to be something else completely.”

“And what’s that?”

“Her pillar and rock of support. I can’t do that if we’re screwing.”

“You’re a very different person than that fifteen-year-old who was helping Bethany, or the one who’d just lost his girlfriend, or the one who had broken up with his future wife.”

“Adversity has a way of changing us.”

“Indeed it does. And I want to help Bethany change in a positive way.”

“And me?” I asked.

“You don’t need me, Steve. You never have, except perhaps as someone to push you to work things out. I’ve given you some guidance on how to approach your problems. You’ve done the rest. You’re a stronger person than you think, and if you would just let that strong person out, I think you’ll find that you like him a lot. I know I do. Bethany certainly does. That’s who she’s clinging to.”

“I’m glad you recognized that,” I said. “She’s not clinging to Steve Adams, ‘Sex God’, but to Steve Adams, ‘Rock of Support’. And I know that.”

Doctor Mercer laughed, “Sex God? Seriously?”

“I have references!” I chuckled. “Lots of them.”

She smiled, “How many kids do you have now?”

“Five, with one on the way and one more planned. Jesse is the oldest, then Matthew, Birgit, Michael, and Albert.”

“You named one of your children after HER? Who’s her mother?”

“Kara, of course. And she’s going to name the baby she’s carrying ‘Stephie’ if she has a girl.”

“Is there anything at all about your life that isn’t strange?”

“Probably not, and you know most of my innermost secrets.”

“Most?” she asked.

I nodded, “Most. Some things I can’t talk about, even with you. But they’re things I’ve worked through and although they helped make me who I am today, they aren’t particularly relevant at this point.”

“Does Bethany know about these things?” Doctor Mercer asked.

“Some, yes,” I said. “But please just let sleeping dogs lie. These issues were resolved years and years ago.”

She nodded, “OK. Do you remember the very first time you were here? Why you told me you came here?”

“I wanted to learn how to help Bethany. I guess that’s why I’m here now, too, really. Not for me. For her.”

“Yes, I think so. I think your struggle is not just with mortality, but with how to help a girl you used to be intimate with but can’t be now.”

“You’re wrong, Doctor Mercer. We ARE intimate. More intimate than if we were screwing. Sex isn’t true intimacy. It might contribute to it, but it’s not intimacy. It’s just sex unless there’s something more behind it.”

“Wow! Did Bethany teach you that?”

I shook my head, “No. It was an Indian girl named Anala. She was my closest confidante and advisor for quite some time. I haven’t seen or talked to her in a while because her husband is very conservative and isn’t comfortable with my lifestyle. She had a very positive impact on me and helped me learn how to deal with many issues that have come up in my life.”

“But not this one.”

“No. Death wasn’t something Anala and I really talked about. We discussed just about everything else, though. I do have someone who has given me something of a different perspective. There’s a young woman named Abbie I met about a year ago who’s ‘goth’, if you know what that means.”

“I do. You talk to her about her views on life?”

“Yes. She lives with us, and when our current nanny gets married, Abbie will become our nanny. The kids love her, and she’s even helped Matthew be a little ‘goth’ a few times. He really loves her. Anyway, when I first met her in Albany, we talked about her views about the world, how everything is decaying and dying, and the only thing that’s eternal is music. It’s an interesting perspective, and we got to talking about Greek philosophers and music, along with everything else.”

“But you don’t strike me as buying into that philosophy.”

“I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I can’t learn from her. I can learn from just about anyone. I’ve gone to clubs with her and some of her friends from time to time, too. It’s been a very interesting experience for an upper-middle-class entrepreneur from Hyde Park!”

“I’m sure! I just can’t see you in a punk or goth club!”

“For Halloween I did the full ‘goth’ thing, including using theatrical dye on my hair. But when I go to the club I just wear black clothes. Well, now. Originally I just dressed as I normally do. It’s allowed me to meet some people with very different outlooks on life.”

“I told you that you had everything you need to work out your mortality, and I guess you have even more resources than I thought you did.”

“What do YOU believe, Doctor Mercer?”

“I have no clue. I’m Jewish, so I was raised with a somewhat different take, but what struck me from the Torah was the repeated statement that ‘G-d remembered’ someone - that is, called them to mind. I think that’s the key to understanding eternal life. That G-d remembers us.”

“Memory Eternal,” I said softly.

“Yes.”

“That’s what the Orthodox Christian hymn for the departed says, asking that the memory of someone be eternal. That we live on by our memories being carried forward by others, especially by God.”

“That makes as much sense as anything else.”

A chilling thought hit me. Who would remember Nick? Nicholas was too young to know his father. Bethany, Karl, Howard, and I would die, and there would be nobody to remember Nick. He’d become just a name on a census form or on a family tree written in a bible.

“Shit,” I sighed. “Who’s going to remember Nick when all of us die?”

“Maybe that’s your true task here,” Doctor Mercer said. “To help Bethany make sure that Nick’s memory is eternal.”

“That just might be it,” I said.

And suddenly, I knew exactly what I had to do.

January 7, 1990, Milford, Ohio

“Thanks for everything,” Bethany said. “I couldn’t have made it through these last few days without you. I mean that.”

She’d cried herself to sleep in my arms each night, and I’d held her many other times over the four days I’d been in Milford. She’d spent quite a bit of time with Doctor Mercer, and I’d kept my appointments on Friday and Saturday. Our conversations had mostly revolved around Bethany and how I could help her, but also on my relationships and my evolving acceptance of my own mortality.

“Just call me whenever you need to talk. You have my home and work numbers, and I gave you my cellular telephone number, but that really only works well if I’m in the Chicago area at the moment. Everywhere else it seems hit or miss as they’re building out the system. And call Kathy if you need her. She was pretty clear when we talked to her yesterday about dropping everything and coming to help if you needed it.”

“I know. I promise I’ll call one of you when I need help,” Bethany said.

“And don’t forget to do what I said - gather all your photos and write stories for each of them. I’ll do the same, and when I talk to Howard and Karl, I’ll ask them as well. By the time Nicholas is able to read, he’ll have a huge collection of stories about his dad, along with pictures, and anything else we can think of.”

“That’s such a grand idea,” she said.

“Thank Doctor Mercer. She pushed me in the right direction when we were talking about mortality and what the meaning of ‘eternal life’ might be. And it hit me that Nick needs to be remembered. So we’re all going to make sure Nicholas knows everything possible about his dad.”

“Thanks. He’s too little to appreciate it now, but I’m sure he will later on. I really owe you an apology for that first night.”

“No you do not!” I said firmly. “First of all, you already apologized. More importantly, we both knew what was going to happen. I knew you would ask and you knew I would say ‘no’. That’s why you talked to me about it first! We cemented the trust we both need to have a proper relationship. One that is intimate as can be, but one which does not cross the uncrossable line.”

“Maybe someday,” she sighed wistfully.

I shook my head, “No. We can’t even think that way, Sweetheart. We’re two very different people now. And we need to guard our relationship carefully.”

“You’ve more or less settled down with Jessica, Kara, Elyse, and Abbie at this point.”

“Yes, and I don’t have any particular desire to go ‘hunting’, as it were.”

“I can understand. Just remember something important. You are who you are. Some things can change. Other things can’t. Some that can change are harder to change than others. Don’t try to force yourself into a box or a straitjacket. Be Steve Adams.”

I chuckled, “You’re telling me to get laid?”

“I’m telling you to be who you are meant to be. Your wives know that. Do you know what Kara said to me?”

I chuckled, “She didn’t tell me, but I can guess. She gave you permission.”

“Yes, she did. But I believe she knew full well that you would never do it. It wasn’t a test, per se, but you showed her that you have your head screwed on straight. Now, hug me, and you can head home to your family.”

I took her in my arms and she put her head on my chest and sighed deeply.

“I love you, Steve,” she said quietly.

“I love you, Bethany,” I said.

She kissed me on the cheek and I let her go.

“Are you going to keep calling me Sweetheart?” she asked with a smile.

I nodded, “Yes, I believe I will.”

We hugged again, she gave me another kiss on my cheek and then we walked out to my car. I tossed my bag in the back seat, hugged Bethany a last time, and headed back to Chicago.

January 7, 1990, Chicago, Illinois

“How is she?” Jessica asked as she, Kara, and I sat in the sauna with the ‘Privacy Please’ sign hanging on the door.

“Broken, but slowly putting the pieces back together. It’s only been three weeks since he was shot, so there will be lots of ups and downs. She’s talking with Doctor Mercer every day, and, if she’s OK, in about a month, Bethany will start seeing patients under Doctor Mercer’s supervision. She’ll apply for her license as soon as she can, and unless I miss my guess, they’ll go into practice together.”

“So what’s this about a memory book?” Kara asked.

“One of the things I talked with Doctor Mercer about was facing my mortality and about eternal life. We talked and it dawned on me that Nick won’t have anyone to remember him when his friends die, because Nicholas won’t know him. That’s what it’s about. That’s why I called Karl and Howard as soon as I got home today. And why I’ll go through all our photos and find every picture of Nick and write out a story for it. And I’ll ask people like Alex Saunders, and others, to do the same. Howard and Karl will ask all the Navy and NIS guys that knew him to do the same thing. Nicholas will have all those memories to get to know his dad and that will let Nick live on.”

“You’ve come quite a long way in two weeks,” Jessica said.

“It’s not two weeks, Jess,” Kara said before I could respond. “This started when Birgit died. It’s taken twelve years and a lot of pain and suffering.”

“Kind of like Jessica,” I said. “And you. It’s just that we all had different issues to work through. And I think we’re all in a good place now to keep working on them, as well as our relationship.”

“And you and Bethany?” Jessica asked.

“She’s going to be my best female friend once again, but this time sex won’t interfere with our relationship.”

“Interfere?”

“Interfere. She needs something very different from me going forward - friend and confidant, not lover. And she needs me to be Uncle Steve to Nicholas. I suspect we’ll see quite a bit of him until Bethany finds someone to spend the rest of her life with.”

“Do you think she will?” Kara asked.

“I think so. But it will take time. A long time. And until then, Nicholas will need someone to be a positive male influence in his life. I already talked with Bethany about visiting somewhat regularly, and bringing one of the boys with me. You two are invited to come along, obviously. I’ll just need to spend time with Nicholas.”

“The way you did with Anna’s nephew Kyle,” Kara said. “It’s interesting how life gave you those lessons before you needed them.”

“If only it worked that way for everything,” I sighed.

January 8, 1990, Chicago, Illinois

The world hadn’t stopped while I’d been gone, and I had a lot of catching up to do. I’d run with Jacquelyn for the first time in a couple of weeks. When I met her, I apologized for basically missing two weeks of running with her. She told me she understood completely and asked how I was doing. I told her I was in a much better place. After my run I’d gone home for breakfast, and then kissed Kara and Jessica goodbye. Kara was going to class, but it was one of Jessica’s days off.

I headed to the office. On my desk I had a dozen notes and messages to deal with, the most important of which was a note from Elyse asking me to call Viktor Bykov so that she could offer Chris Gibson the accounting clerk job. I checked my watch and it was still too early to do that, so I went through the other messages and made a ‘To Do’ list. I checked my cc:Mail and added several other things to my list, and answered a score of messages. I connected to my Unix system and did the same thing.

“Good morning!” Kimmy said from my door.

“Hi, Kimmy. Thanks for holding down the fort while we were all away. I’m sorry I didn’t have a chance to say that to you before.”

“It’s OK. How are you doing?”

“Much better. The time away was productive; I got myself out of my funk, and helped my friend Bethany as well.”

“That’s good to hear! Coffee?”

“Sure, thanks.”

She quickly moved away and was back almost instantly with a carafe. She poured some in my cup, then set the carafe on the warmer and turned it on. I thanked her and she smiled and headed to her office. I kept looking at the now empty doorway. I smiled, thinking that I now had placed myself in a position with Bethany that was very much like how Kimmy had been with me. Kimmy had provided me comfort and steadiness during a very rough patch. Now I was going to do the same for Bethany, and little Nicholas. I’d provide, at first, the emotional support she needed until she could get back on track. Once she did, I’d remain an important part of Bethany’s life, continuing to be supportive, but on a different level. And for Nicholas, I’d be ‘Uncle Steve’ and do my best to honor my friend Nick’s memory.

I smiled again, then turned back to my work. I reviewed my list, and began working through it. I had to save the phone calls for when I knew people would be in their offices, so I skipped over them. At 8:30am, we had our staff meeting, and then I made those calls.

“«Привет», Viktor Vladimirovich,” I said. (“Hello”)

“Good morning, Stephen Rayevich! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“To be honest, I have a request. I’d like to hire Chris Gibson to work for my company.”

There was a momentary silence.

“I have known for some time that she was not happy with her life in Milwaukee and wished to move. So yes, this is fine with me. Thank you for the proper way you have handled this.”

“You’re welcome. How are things back home?”

“Unsettled,” he said. “Things are changing quite rapidly.”

“Yes, they are,” I said. “If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know.”

“Thank you, Stepa. I appreciate it.”

“«До свидания», Vitya Vladimirovich!” I said. (“Goodbye”)

“«До свидания», Stepa Rayevich!” he replied.

I hung up the phone and walked to Elyse’s office to tell her that I’d spoken to Mr. Bykov and that she was clear to offer Chris the job.

“Have you kept up on the news?” Elyse asked.

“To a point. I know they captured Noriega from the Papal Nuncio’s mansion after they got him to surrender by playing rock music. And I heard about the huge train crash in Pakistan that killed over 200 people. And that the Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed because it’s unsafe.”

“I guess you have kept up. I’m not surprised, really. You read the paper and The Economist. You’re just not a TV news junkie like I am.”

“True, but if I’m not able to read the paper, I do watch CNN. I’ve given up on the evening national news broadcasts. I don’t like Tom Brokaw or Peter Jennings much, and Dan Rather is just horrible. I do like Bernard Shaw on CNN, though. He’s a damned good reporter.”

“Agreed,” Elyse said.

I headed back to my office to do my best to catch up on everything. I had to take time out to meet with Alonzo and the rest of the team, but that meeting didn’t take long and we were on track for all of our work since he’d more or less only planned for about 25% efficiency during the Christmas to New Year’s period.

After work we had dinner, and then Jessica, Kara, and I went to the dojo. I had talked to Sensei Jim before I left and he’d agreed that I needed the time away. I was a bit rusty since I hadn’t practiced in two weeks, but by the end of class, I was moving more or less as I had been before Christmas. I knew I wasn’t as sharp as I should be, but that would come back in a few days.

January 10, 1990, Chicago, Illinois

“How has everything been since we met before Christmas?” Doctor Green asked.

“A lot has happened,” I said. “We had the planned break from our counseling, so we haven’t been in touch. One of my best friends had her husband die in military service right before Christmas.”

“Panama?” he asked.

I shook my head, “Guam, of all places. It was basically a murder by another sailor. Senseless and stupid.”

“That’s terrible! How is your friend?”

“As well as can be expected. We went to the funeral at Great Lakes, then the interment in Milford, Ohio, where Kara and I are from. I spent some time with my friend, and also saw the counselor who helped me through my issues when I was younger. That’s the same counselor Kara saw later.”

“Which issues were those?” Doctor Green asked.

“Helping my friend recover from a rape, helping me deal with the death of my girlfriend Birgit, and helping me deal with the breakup with Kara.”

“And Kara, you saw her as well?”

“Yes, because of what I did to Steve, which all started because of a failed experiment with another girl.”

“But you’re OK with that now, obviously.”

“I was actually OK with it then when Steve was with us. It was when it was just me and the girl who I kind of lost it.”

“Because of your evangelical upbringing?”

“Yes, and because it went further than I was ready for at that point.”

“Have you and Jessica ever made love without Steve in the room?”

“Twice, I think,” Kara said. “But we both agreed it’s just not the same.”

“Why is that?” Doctor Green asked.

“Because the three of us belong together.”

“But each of you has made love with Steve when the other one wasn’t there.”

“It’s just different,” Kara said. “Neither Jessica nor I have any desire to be with another girl, or another guy for that matter. We both love each other deeply, but Steve is the glue that holds us together.”

I shook my head, “No, I’d say it’s Kara that’s the glue that holds us together.”

“Perhaps you’re both right,” Doctor Green said. “What do you think, Jessica?”

“I think what Steve said was true before my breakdown, and what Kara said is true now. Steve is the glue. In fact, he’s the glue that holds the household together, and I’m including Jesse and his moms. He’s the glue that holds his company together, and honestly, the larger circle of friends.”

“In spite of the number of times I’ve acted like a complete idiot,” I added.

“Well, yes, in spite of that,” Kara confirmed.

“How was your Christmas?” Doctor Green asked.

“Muted, because of my friend’s murder,” I said. “But we made sure we didn’t drag the kids into our sadness.”

“Jesse knows that Nick is dead,” Jessica said.

“That’s true,” I said. “He’s the one who told me that Nick had died. As he put it Nicholas didn’t have a ‘Dada’ anymore.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

“Angry, but that passed fairly quickly.”

“Angry? About the murder?”

“No, because my wives and others knew what had happened with Nick and they didn’t tell me that he’d died because I was in the hospital.”

“Hang on! Take two steps back. You were hospitalized? Why?”

“Steve has a long history of vasovagal syncope,” Jessica said, slipping quickly into ‘doctor’ mode. “He suffered an incident when our friend Karl called to tell him that Nick had been shot and wasn’t expected to live. Doctor Al Barton, my mentor and head of Emergency Medicine at UofC, had Steve admitted to cardiology to try to find the causes. They didn’t find any physical cause, so it’s probably related to his naturally low blood pressure and his system’s natural response to shock.”

“I think we should take more steps back. Start with Steve finding out about his friend being shot and bring me up to date.”

Jessica, Kara, and I took Doctor Green through the events of the previous two weeks and answered his questions. It took about twenty minutes to go through all the events, including my counseling with Doctor Mercer and what I’d done for Bethany.

“Would you sign a release for me to get your files, all of them, from Doctor Mercer in Ohio?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Yes,” Kara agreed.

He opened his drawer and extracted two sheets of paper from the drawer and slid them to us.

“You’ll need four,” I said. “Both of us saw Doctor Alborg, in this building, as well.”

He nodded, “You did write that on your intake forms. I just didn’t think I’d need this. But given everything you’ve told me tonight, I think I might glean some information that could help.”

He passed us two more copies of the release form. Kara and I filled them out and signed them, and then passed them back to him. He scanned them, then put them in a folder, and put the folder in his ‘Out’ box.

“I’ll fax these tomorrow. Hopefully Doctor Mercer can send me copies of the files quickly.”

“I’m sure she will,” I said.

“How do you think we’re doing?” Kara asked.

“Remarkably well, but, and I say this advisedly since you’re all very direct, that’s usually when it all goes straight to hell.”

“That, Doctor Green,” I said ruefully, “is the story of my life.”

Chapter 5 »

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