Chapter 5

Jay’s turn:

We hit Vicksburg with Lena holding my iPad in her lap, surfing for tourist information. She found an antebellum home and museum that looked interesting, so that became our first destination. We did the tourist thing, absorbing the information, the history, the lore, as presented by a nice lady who acted as tour guide. Lena paid rapt attention.

After the tour of the home and the grounds we got back into the car, went to find the Mississippi River. Yes, at one time that home was on the bank of the river. The home didn’t move. The river did.

We found a spot, sat on the levee for a while.

“It’s rather magical, you know,” Lena said. “That water there flows from the northern heart of the country all the way into the Gulf. You can get out there on it and go right out into the world.”

“Yeah.”

“Just like me, Jay. I got on the highway this morning and I’m going right out into the world.”

“You are.”

“Lots of people live their whole lives never living more than fifty miles from where they were born.”

“Not as common as it used to be, but you’re right.”

She turned towards me. “You don’t know it, maybe, but YOU are playing the part of that river, Jay. I don’t know how I would’ve broken free...”

“You’d’ve broken free, Lena. If you wanted.”

“I don’t know. I ... I do a self-assessment and I think I’m kind of passive.”

“I don’t see ‘passive’,” I returned. “I see careful, though. There’s a difference.”

She gazed at me. “Until you came along, I didn’t have anybody to give me any options.”

“You wanna know something, kiddo?”

She looked at me. “It’s gotta be good if it’s preceded by ‘kiddo’, right?”

“Add ‘smart-ass’ to your job skills. Seriously, I’m glad it’s me.”

“You are, aren’t you?” she said with a little smile.

“Yes. You’re smart, you’re funny, we sort of match tastes and interests. I would’ve hated to miss this.”

“Me?”

“You.”

She smiled a bit more. “We’ll make a good team.”

Conversation shifted to a huge tow on the river, nine barges lashed together, pushed downstream by a big towboat.

“Why do they call it a ‘towboat’ when it pushes?” she smirked.

“Because EVERY trade likes to have its bits of history, its secrets. They probably tried pulling a time or two, but you lose the ability to control...”

“I can picture that,” she said.

“Just wait. When you get into what YOU are going to do, you’ll have a head full of strange terms and acronyms and abbreviations.”

We walked up the levee for some distance, looking at the river over the trees between the levee itself and the actual riverbank, then we turned around and returned to the truck as the sun started downward.

It was that time. Check into the hotel. With Lena. Two of us in the same room, and the idea of her undressing just mere feet from me, showering, doing all those things that women do in the bathroom, then finally going to sleep in a bed only a few feet away ... I have lots of thoughts. I wonder if she’s having the same ones.

We have a plan – check into the hotel, drop our luggage, then go find dinner, following advice from the hotel desk clerk for some good barbecue.

Dinner was not a disappointment, nor was a requested stop at a chain bookstore.

“I just want to see if I can find something good to read,” she said.

“You can download books onto your iPhone,” I countered.

“Yeah, I know, but the little screen...”

“Kindle app for your iPad.”

“I don’t have an iPad, remember?”

“We’ll fix that when we get to Missouri,” I said. “I have a spare. It’s yours.”

“Let’s go buy me some books.”

Easily done. I found a volume of the complete poetry of Rudyard Kipling. Sure, everything he’s ever written is available for free on the Internet, a few clicks away, but the idea of having the printed page is still comforting. The very act of reading, relaxing, napping with a paper volume lying on my chest, that’s still a very pleasant part of life.

All this, though, was simply stalling what HAD to happen. We both knew it. We’d both assented to it. All that, though, was intellectual exercise. We were now faced with the reality. Lena, a delectable teen female, and I, a middle-aged male, were going back to the same hotel room.

She turned toward me as we drove out of the bookstore parking lot. “I know what you’re thinking.”

“Okay, little girl, what am I thinking?”

“You’re nervous about going back to the hotel with me.”

“Well, yeah. Kinda.”

“I know. I am, too.” She smiled a little, soft smile that she shared with me. “But I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think we’d be okay, right?”

“Right,” I replied. “Still nervous, though...”

“We’re both sensible people. I can ‘adult’ quite well, you know.”

“I know. You’re level-headed.”

“It’s that whole male-female thing, I know. We can do that right.”

“I think so,” I said. My thoughts, however, weren’t quite as assured. Still, I looked at my companion over there and she seemed to hold none of my trepidation.

The trepidation ratcheted up a level after we parked the truck. Meeting at the tailgate, she grabbed my hand, tugging me toward the entrance.

She noted my questioning look. “Oh, don’t get nutty, Jay. Friends hold hands. I’m excited. This is a milestone in my life.”

“Milestone?”

“First time I’ve slept away as an adult. Very first.” Her eyes told me something.

“Okay.” I relaxed. It did feel good to have my hand held. She let it go when we got to the door. I led her through the lobby, stopping to grab a couple of free cookies to take to the room. I fished the keycard out of my pocket, opened the door, and let Lena in first.

She made it to the end of the short entrance hall before she turned, smiling a demure yet devilish smirk.

“What?” I asked, returning the smile.

“First time I’ve decided to spend a night with a guy, Jay...”

“Don’t tease me, Lena.”

“Ohhhhh,” she giggled. “So it IS a tease, then ... I wasn’t sure if you had any reactions at all.”

“You’re my cutie,” I said. “Of course I have reactions. I suppress them, is all.”

Giggle. “YOUR cutie?”

“You know how you are, Lena.”

“Yeah. We’ve talked about this. Too tall. My friends use the word ‘angular’. Flat-chested. Abrasive personality.”

“None of the above,” I said, “and you KNOW it.”

“Do I?” She backed up, sat on the end of one of the two beds.

“Yes. You’re endlessly fascinating to talk with. I’ve had fun being with you today. You’re a delight.”

“You are, too, you know.”

“Lena...”

“Jaaayyyyyyy,” she said.

“Lena, we were supposed to be friends...”

“I know, Jay. That’s what we said before we left. I dunno, though...”

“Lena...”

“Jay, I’m having second thoughts.”

“Like ‘I wanna go home’ thoughts.”

Those big blue eyes gazed at me. I knew exactly what she was thinking, at least on the surface. She shook her head, bouncing that blonde hair for me. Does she know how that affects me?

“No. More like revisiting that whole ‘just two friends’ thing.”

“Oh, god, Lena...”

“I am I horrible, Jay?”

“No, Lena, but I’m trying very hard not to be horrible myself.”

“Oh gosh, Jay,” she said in a rush of words, “Don’t tell me that I’m a stupid deluded slut, trying to seduce you.” Her face was disassembling as I watched. A tear found its way down from the corner of her eye to trace a path down her cheek.

Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe I should’ve NOT did what I did, but here’s a crying female and I’m a protective male type, so I dropped onto one knee before her and gathered her into my arms.

Now she was sobbing. Man, I know how to fix things, I told myself.

“Now you feel sorry for me AND you think I’m a stupid deluded slut,” she said through sobs.

“No, not even close, angel,” I said. “I honestly meant to maintain my distance, let us be friends, help you out on your way into adulthood...”

“And I ruined it all,” she sobbed. “Because I was stupid and romantic and had all these ideas...”

“What ideas?”

“That if we spent enough time together, you’d decide you NEEDED...” and she sobbed some more.

I seriously should have taken a class in consoling crying women, because I could have probably gotten a better idea to use right now than the one I used. I brushed my lips across her cheek, catching the errant tear.

She sort of relaxed into my arms, still sobbing. “Jay, I don’t want your pity.”

“Lena, first, you’re my best friend. What sort of friend wouldn’t try to console his friend if she was having a crisis?”

“What’s second?” she whimpered.

“I’m old, you’re young...”

“I know how old you are, Jay.”

“But...”

She pulled her face back a bit. I started to let go of her but she shook her head. “No. It needs to be this close.”

We gazed at each other for a moment, our faces only inches apart.

“Remember when you stayed at your Dad’s right after your divorce?”

“Yeah.”

“Your mom had been gone a year. Your dad loved having you there. I came over almost every day, because that’s what we’d worked out. I’d come over, vacuum, do laundry, just help him with the house. You sort of took some of my work, but I still came over. The three of us used to sit on the porch in the evening and talk.”

“I know. Helped me get over the divorce.”

“I remember talking to just you. Your dad was in his garden.”

“You asked how I was dealing with the divorce. What I liked that made me marry ‘er, what happened.”

“I was awfully nosy. But I was learning about you.” She let the corners of her mouth turn up just a tiny bit. If she’s keeping score, she thinks she’s gaining. “I kept it all locked away. Didn’t know what I was supposed to do with it...”

“You were fourteen, Lena...”

“And I didn’t know if I was supposed to apply what I got from you and what I got from talking with your dad, if I was supposed to apply that to some undetermined male in my future, or what.”

I kept listening. I think that’s what she expected.

“Nobody showed up. Friends in high school. None of ‘em. Church guys. None of ‘em. I was just content to visit with your dad and do an occasional evening with a gang of friends, but I was waiting and I didn’t know why I was waiting. I just knew that trying to force the situation would land me in one of those bad scenes that a lot of people get into, especially foolish girls in my age group. You know ... pregnant, no husband ... or a husband that’s not a family man.” She sighed. “I miss your dad. My good, good friend. You showed up, and it was just like you were supposed to slide into that ‘good friend’ position for a while, and then after a while I sort of thought I understood what was going on.”

“What was going on?”

“You and I were talking almost every night. I thought you REALLY liked me...”

“I really do,” I said.

“I’m glad, but let me finish...”

“Uh, Lena, can I move? I’m getting a cramp in my leg...” I was still kneeling before her.

“Only if you get comfortable and still hold me.”

“Okay.” Oh, boy, Jay. What are you doing? I knew what I was doing, at least I thought so. I got up, scanned the room. Two beds. A dresser with a TV on it. An occasional chair with an ottoman. I headed for the chair.