Chapter 19

The next few days went on much like that. I was always able to count on company. Life went on and there was never more than a few people with me at a time during the day. On Wednesday, I was alone for a few minutes while Patty went to get coffee. While she was out, Dr. Spencer let herself into the room. “Mr. Russell!” she said, surprised to find me alone. “I expected to find you in here with at least three beautiful young women,” she joked lightly.

“Just one at the moment, Doctor,” I flirted back.

“Still a charmer, I see. I’m actually glad to have a chance to talk to you alone. How are you feeling?”

“Good, I suppose. I’m still in some discomfort, but it’s manageable. I don’t think I’d want to reduce the daytime dosage just yet, but we could try to scale back the nighttime boost a little.”

“I’ll make note of that and change the orders, but that’s not what I meant.” She came around to sit facing me in the chair Patty had been using. “Your family made note that you were in some distress emotionally that caused you to run off blindly. You haven’t given any indication of any emotional duress but I wanted to talk with you alone about it.”

I nodded and thought about what to tell her. The fact that emotional distress was in my hospital files was a little disconcerting. “It’s been a long summer filled with ups and downs. My parents are divorcing and there’s been other factors. I’m not sure I’m comfortable talking about them all.”

She nodded in understanding. “Anything you tell me is protected by doctor/patient rules.”

“How far does that protection extend?” I asked.

“How far do you need it to extend?” she asked, sounding slightly surprised that it was a concern.

“I wasn’t kidding when I said that it’s been an up and down summer. I just need to know where to draw lines. There are things I wouldn’t want put into writing in a file or reported to the wrong people.”

“Have you been involved with anything that should normally be reported?” she asked carefully.

“Of course,” I said simply. “Everyone who’s ever downloaded a song from the internet without paying is guilty of a crime. I think the bigger question is have I been involved in anything that YOU will have to report and that’s the real paradox. I can’t tell you what’s going on without knowing and you can’t be certain of the answer until I tell you what it is. I’m sure there’s an ethics class in medical school that deals with this very issue. Can you give me some insight into what the consensus is in that course?”

She smiled and nodded. “You’re a very well-spoken young man for fourteen. Alright. I’m required by law to report any sort of abuse of your person. If you admit to committing a crime, that’s a bit of a gray area. At your age though, my worst fear is that there’s some sexual misconduct that’s led you to a temporary mental break. Can you talk to me under those circumstances?”

“It still leaves some wiggle room that I’m not happy with,” I told her and thought hard, searching her face. In the end, I decided I needed to talk. I nodded and sighed. “I’d be more comfortable with the iron-clad protection of lawyer/client privilege, but I believe I can trust you and not just because you’re a beautiful young woman, but because you’ve been a godsend, as my mother put it.”

She nodded and folded her hands on her knees.

I started from the beginning. I told her how I’d found out about the divorce, how I was the last to know, about the accident and Lana. I told her about the money and the flash drive, about Miranda and my father, about Becky and how things worked for us, about how I’d worked out where the money had come from. I wept when I admitted that I’d killed Miranda by turning her in to the people she stole the money from. I told her about my experiences into dominance and submission of necessity to explain things along the way. I told her about the submissive natures of my father and to a lesser extent, my mother. I told her about Collie and Tabby and how I couldn’t turn them away knowing that they’d depended on Miranda and I’d taken her from them. I told her about the fight that I’d had with Patty that had sent me fleeing into the night and after much soul-searching, I told her about what had caused it.

“I have not been abused,” I said firmly. “Patty yelled at me to try to put a wall between us because she had these feelings and didn’t feel like she could fight them without that distance.”

I hadn’t told her about the accommodation that had been proposed, but if she asked, I thought I probably would.

“You weren’t lying,” she said, her tone a little less professional and a little more sympathetic. “It’s certainly been a hard summer to handle.”

“I sincerely hope that my trust in you doesn’t become another burden,” I said quietly. “I know there’s a lot in there that could give you cause to contact authorities, whether they’re law enforcement or social services. A fourteen year old living with two girlfriends with the permission of their parents could see all of us removed from our homes and split up if it’s heard by the wrong judge.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that,” she said dismissively. “Teenage sexual exploration is nothing new. I’m more concerned about the level of stress you’ve been under all summer. Even the ups have been rather frantic. You haven’t had a chance to stop, take a breath and establish a normal routine. That’s cause for concern. No, I don’t find there to be anything in what you’ve told me that makes me think I should start dialing the phone and calling in investigators. Even what you told me about the woman who died,” she clarified and explained.

“You didn’t steal the money. You didn’t hide it in your home. You didn’t decide to throw the woman from her balcony. The only thing you did was turn the thief in to the people she stole from. They decided what action to take. I agree with your assessment. If it had been taken from legitimate businesses, she would have been turned in to the police and served jail time. In my opinion, you stole from someone who stole from someone who did a whole lot worse to get it in the first place. You’ll undoubtedly do something better with it than they would have. That’s social justice.”

“As far as the difficulties of having two parents with a submissive nature, you seem like you’re doing okay finding balance. You accepted your father’s submission while you needed his help with the woman who stole the money. That makes you see him as Donald rather than father. That’s a healthy attitude. Since you didn’t do the same with your mother, you still think of her as mother. You’re in a good place there. If I had to give you advice about the whole thing, my advice would be to take time for yourself. Fool around with your girlfriends a bit. Have some fun, relax, enjoy your summer. You’ve had a lot of people treat you like an adult this summer for one reason or another, but you’re still only fourteen. Act like it for a bit. From what you’ve told me, you have four girlfriends and none of them are less than a nine out of ten in the looks department. Be in love for a while. Once the hospital settles, maybe take a vacation. Splurge a little. Treat yourself. Buy a new computer, some video games, take your girlfriends out shopping. One thing I think you should try to do though is to take some time to meditate each day. Even if it’s ten minutes. I’ll make some time tomorrow to sit with you and teach you how. I’d also like your permission to talk to some of your other family members in light of the conversation. Nothing serious. I just want to give them some pointers on how to help you keep stress manageable.”

I nodded. “They all know the story. There’s no reason not to tell them. Thanks for listening and thanks for keeping the confidences.”

“Any time Matthew,” she said warmly. “I just have one more question. That wall you said Patty threw up between you, you’re going to climb it anyway, aren’t you? It’s technically statutory rape for her to have sex with you, but whatever you tell me, I’m not going to report it. The other two girls are college aged so they’d fall into the same category and I’m not going to report them for it.”

I nodded, understanding. “I will, but we have some time to talk about it, so that may change. Becky, Lana and I are all planning on having our first time be together as a trio.”

“I thought you were living with them already,” she said confused.

“No actual sex until they’re on birth control pills long enough to be effective, so that’s over a month away.”

She laughed suddenly. “Who told you that?” she asked, amused.

“Patty. She said she was going to take them to get on the pill and it takes about 60 days to take effect,” I said slowly, wondering what was funny.

“Well, she might not have checked the timetables for the newer ones. Modern birth control is effective after one week of taking them properly. Having said that, I wouldn’t advise having sex until at least next weekend. Give your body a chance to heal. Your lungs and heart are still bruised and trying to pleasure two teenage girls, a pair of college women and an overly eager thirty-something mother of two isn’t exactly what I’d call light exercise.”

I laughed with her and shook my head. “I don’t intend to try all that at once,” I assured her. “Maybe I should look for an extremely sexy doctor who can check my vitals and raise my blood pressure at the same time?”

“You wish! If you’re half so good in bed as you are at talking, you might be half as good as you let on.”

“Ask the girls. They’ll tell you if I’m lying,” I challenged. “They keep threatening to record it for teaching purposes or for future generations.”

She laughed again and got up to leave. “I’ll be in to see you again tomorrow. In the mean time, that hospital bed is meant for one occupant. You’re still mending.”

She left and I was surprised that I wasn’t immediately joined by Patty. Beck had wanted to spend some time around the baseball field where we usually played. There was often a chance to play in a pick-up game and she was a little bored around the hospital. So was I. Lana had gone to talk to Marlene, Mom had a meeting with the lawyer today, Collie was at work and Tabby had a family birthday to attend. That left me and Patty to spend the day together, but I suspected that Dr. Spencer had stopped her to chat about my condition. I picked up a book on Spanish language that Mom had picked up for me yesterday and started reading again. I was almost halfway through and I hadn’t been able to start it until late yesterday.

I read until lunchtime and still hadn’t seen Patty. That concerned me and I asked the nurse if she’d been back or left word. The nurse told me that Dr. Spencer had asked to talk to her and they’d gone to her office. I ate the most bland lunch imaginable and decided I knew what my next reading project was going to be: cooking.

I’d eaten what I could stomach of the tasteless meal and took a couple of small bites of the jello before I pushed the whole thing away. They could have at least tried to get a different flavor of jello once in a while. The lime was getting old in a hurry.

A short time later Patty showed up and I smiled at her over the top of my book. “Hey,” I said. “I heard Dr. Spencer carried you off to her cave to talk.”

“She did. I was a little surprised that you’d talked to her about as much as you had.” She sat in the chair and took my hand.

I nodded and frowned a little. “I’m sorry if that put you on the spot. I needed to talk about it and she promised not to report anything I told her. I told her pretty much everything.”

“Everything?” she asked with a smirk.

I shrugged and grinned. “I told her that she could ask the girls if I was exaggerating my abilities when I said I thought I could handle two at a time, but that more than that might be tricky.”

Patty laughed at that. “Well she didn’t ask me, but I’ll tell her the next time I see her.”

“I did tell her I was thinking about hiring a sexy doctor to take my vitals while raising my blood pressure at the same time.”

“Same old Matt. You can’t end up in the hospital without celebrating by picking up a new girlfriend.”

“Hey that only happened once,” I protested with a laugh. I could laugh a little more without it feeling like I was getting punched in the chest.

“Well, you’re still not out of the hospital, are you?”

“No, I suppose not, but then I’ve already been asked to be your boyfriend, so that probably counts.”

“We’re back to that again?” she asked, the mood changing a little.

“Maybe, maybe not. Let’s just have a hypothetical chat. If we decide to move forward, it’s preparation. If we decide not to, it’s a conversation between a mother and son about different types of sex. Fair enough?”

She nodded and agreed. “So what did you want to ask in this conversation?” she asked.

“I want to know more about what you like when it comes to sex.”

She laughed. “Direct as always. Well, I have never considered submission or bondage appealing, so none of that. I always liked anal though. What you did with Becky was my kind of thing. Other than that, I suppose there’s a few things I could dig up out of my memory. In the past, I’ve liked to be outside. The risk of getting caught makes it exciting.”

“Is it more getting caught or being watched?” I asked, wanting to understand the distinction.

“Probably both. I’ve never been in front of people on purpose.”

I nodded, the beginnings of an idea in my head. “Anything else?”

“Well, I’ve always wanted to be with two guys at once. It’s the thought of being filled completely front and back, but even taking the step we’re talking about with just you and me is a big step. Fortunately we have weeks before you and the girls can make love without them getting pregnant, so there’s time.”

“That’s not the case though. I mentioned waiting because of that and Dr. Spencer thought that was hilarious. She said seven days. Modern birth control takes effect after 7 days and they’ve been taking it longer than that.”

“Oh,” she said, surprised. “I just assumed it was similar to the instructions I received when I’d started taking them at their age. That changes things.”

“Not as much as you think. Dr. Spencer told me I’m not recovered enough for that for more than a week at least, possibly longer.”

“It still changes the timeline we thought we were on,” she said nervously. “I thought we’d have weeks to talk it out.”

“Well we still do,” I said gently. “Even if I’m able to do anything that strenuous by next weekend, I’m still not going to be done being welcomed home for at least a week after that and probably longer. That puts us into the last two weeks before school lets back in. That’s gonna be a little crazy for all of us with shopping for school supplies, clothes and anything else we need. I personally need a new computer and Beck and Lana probably need their own laptops too. So we’re shopping for electronics too. That’s not gonna leave us all a lot of time to roll around in random piles of naked.”

“No probably not,” she admitted with a slight smile. “But it also doesn’t leave us a lot of time to think about it either.”

“You’ve had plenty of time to think about it,” I shot her down. “Let’s put it all on the table. You want it. I think it’s probably crossed over into the realm of you NEED it. You were holding back because you were certain that it would ruin everyone. Dan’s telling you to do it, Lana’s telling you to do it, Beck’s telling you to do it and when it comes down to it, I’m telling you to do it. Will it change things? Probably. Will it change the fact that we love you and each other? No. We’ll work out whatever guidelines we need to put in place to keep everyone as comfortable as they can be, but I think we’re locked in to doing this.”

She bit her lip and nodded. She was going to say something when my mother opened the door and slipped in. “Have I missed anything today?” she asked, sitting down to join us.

“A few things actually,” I told her, my eyes still on Patty who was suddenly alarmed. “Dr. Spencer was in to see me today. She’s concerned with my emotional state. I told her everything. She was surprised by a lot of it, but assured me that there was nothing in there that she felt compelled to report to anyone or put into my file. She told me that I should look at what happened with Miranda as social justice and do something good with the money.”

“That’s very good advice,” Mom said and Patty nodded in agreement.

“There’s something else that we need to talk about. It happened on Monday, but Patty and I were discussing it when you came in.”

“I think we can wait to talk about that,” Patty said, trying to get me to wait.

I shook my head. “Nope. Now is the time. There’s no one else around. It’s ideal.” I stared her down and she finally nodded and sighed.

I turned back to Mom who was waiting expectantly. “We got to the bottom of why Patty was so mad on Friday night. She heard that there were two new girls and it drove her over the edge because she’s been hoping to experience what Lana and Beck have with me. Being told that there are two more ahead of her made her explode.”

Mom seemed surprised by this news, but not as shocked as she might have been in the circumstances. “I didn’t know you felt that way Patty. How long have you been keeping that to yourself?”

I answered for her. “A couple of hours less than you have,” I said simply, leaving both women gaping at me in shock. “The day after Lana’s first night with me, both of you came to me separately to find out what happened that night. You’ve both been on the same page since then.”

They looked at each other and I let them have a moment to get comfortable with that fact. “You’ve each wanted to be in on what the girls and I are doing for some time. It’s just burrowed further under Mamma’s skin than yours, Mom. And I apologize for just saying it out loud like that, but she’s been agonizing over the thought that it was going to tear us all apart. Now she knows that she’s not alone.”

Mom nodded and squeezed my hand. “Matt and I discussed what happened with him and Lana, and I foolishly made a bet with him that nothing they did could shock me,” she said to Patty, explaining. “He showed me how he kissed Lana’s hand and it was everything he said it was. The bet we’d made was that I would teach him everything. EVERYTHING. Afterwards, we decided not to because he had his hands full with Lana and Becky and it wasn’t fair to any of us to hijack him for an afternoon. He wants me to date and have someone I can go to dinner with and be in love with. It wasn’t a matter of either of us making the choice for the other. We decided it together. As much as having the occasional afternoon like that was, and still is, appealing, I didn’t want to take from our kids.”

Patty listened to the account with rapt attention and nodded. “I was the same way. I couldn’t stand the thought of ruining things for them, but I couldn’t get the thought out of my head,” she admitted. I thought she sounded relieved that she wasn’t being vilified for her impulses.

Mom nodded, then looked at me and arched an eyebrow. “So why are we discussing this?” she asked shrewdly, guessing that there was more to tell.

“Dan asked me to consider it,” I said. “Patty’s of two minds and so am I, but Dan, Beck and Lana are all in agreement that it’s not a matter of if, but when it has to happen. There are other complications, but they’re really secondary to Patty’s need. It’s strong, urgent and not going away.”

Mom nodded thoughtfully and patted my hand. “The girls are sure about this?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “They’ve told me they are, but I’ve come to expect that they don’t always tell me everything that goes on in their heads. I’m worried about them and how they’ll handle it afterwards and how Dan and Patty and you will handle it afterwards for that matter.”

Patty sighed and petted my hand gently. “I’ll be okay no matter what. Now that it’s out there between us, I know that I’ve got support when I need it. For now, that’s enough, I think.”

Mom shrugged. “I know what you’re feeling to some extent. I’ve seen what he does to the girls. It’s hard to not want to be that satisfied. I get the distinct impression that things are going to get more interesting, rather than less over the next few weeks.”

I sighed. This was starting to backslide and I didn’t want to get mired down in weeks of going back and forth. “No. I need things to get more calm. Dr. Spencer pointed out that everything’s been going non-stop. She said even the ups were frantic. She said I needed time to catch my breath and figure out what’s normal for me. She’s going to be talking with everyone to try to help figure out how to do that. We need to decide this or put it away until well after school starts. Having it looming is what made Friday night happen. Like I told Patty, Dan asked me for this father to son and unless there’s a compelling argument against it, I’m inclined to do what he asked of me.” I turned to look at Patty “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t consider it a burden or a responsibility, but him asking makes it just as important as you wanting it or me wanting it or the girls supporting it.”

She smiled and leaned down to kiss my forehead. “I know, Champ. It’ll be a little awkward, but we’ll all get through it. If we have to wait till after school lets in to talk it out, that’s perfectly fine. I’ve already been called to Dr. Spencer’s office today. She made a point of telling me that you were under way more stress than you were letting on. If it’s easier to make the decision and declare it solved, then we will. If it’s better to put it off, then we’ll all survive another few weeks.”

“Will we?” I asked. “This has only been going on a few weeks. A few MORE and it could end up in disaster. As a family, we have to decide if it’s right. Dan voted yes, Lana and Becky are voting yes. That’s three in favor. If you’re not counting Tabby and Collie in this decision, which is understandable, That leaves 4 votes remaining although I don’t know that you want Lilly in on this talk. So, we’re the last three votes in question. I haven’t been convinced to vote no, so yes. Mom?”

We both looked at her expectantly. She shrugged. “It sounds like you’ve already talked it out,” she said to Patty. “I’ll assume that you’re all convinced that it’s not going to cause problems for the girls and Matt, so I’ll vote yes, but we have to have a long family meeting to talk about it freely.”

Patty was biting her lip and looked back and forth between us. She closed her eyes and nodded, her resistance crumbled before the onslaught.

I breathed a sigh of relief. “My only question is about Lilly. Does she get a say, get told or get left in the dark? You both know how I feel about secrets.”

“I’ll talk to her,” Mom assured me. “She won’t be left out.” She patted my hand and we changed the topic for now to something more mundane.

I could tell Patty was still agitated and when she went to step out, I held onto her stubbornly. She looked back at me questioningly and I held her gaze. “It’ll be okay,” I told her and she nodded.

I let her hand go and the two of them left me alone for the moment to talk. It was the first time I’d been truly alone since this all started and I felt relieved to have a few minutes to myself. I knew that wouldn’t last since Dan would be off work soon and would stop by to check on me. While I was waiting, I decided to read and found that there wasn’t much left in the Spanish language book I’d been combing through. I sighed and wondered how much I could justify spending on books before summer ended.

I looked up when the door opened and an orderly brought in my evening meal. My least favorite part of my hospital stay. I took one look at it and thought that Dr. Spencer must have ordered it personally to give me motivation to leave. The vegetable for tonight was green beans that were steamed or boiled to death. Plain mashed potatoes and a piece of some sort of fish rounded out the meal. I plucked at the potatoes for a few seconds and eyed the green jello, wondering if it was the same square I’d been sending back virtually untouched all week. I sighed and drank the apple juice that arrived with it before pushing my bed table aside gently.

When Dan came in twenty minutes later he asked where everyone was.

“The girls all had better offers today,” I said lightly. “Lana wanted to talk to Marlene, Beck’s off playing ball. Lilly’s enjoying being an only child, Collie’s at work and Tabby had a family thing today. The mothers stepped out to chat. I think they’re in the cafeteria.”

“Looks like you wish you could join them,” he said glancing at the mostly full tray. “You need to eat if you want to get better son.”

“I know. I do a little better in the mornings. There’s usually toast then and there’s enough butter and jam to make it okay that it’s chewy.”

He nodded. “Well, maybe we’ll talk to your doctor about getting you something a little more to your liking then,” he suggested and I was reminded that I should warn him that I’d talked to the doctor.

“Speaking of talking to the doctor, I had a long talk with her today. She’s gonna be taking people aside, but I told her everything. She said she’s been worried about my emotional health since I was brought into ER in emotional and mental distress. She said she wouldn’t be reporting anything, but wants to talk to everyone about lowering the stress levels at home.”

He nodded. “Well, hopefully she has some good advice for us all.” He seemed concerned, but had a good handle on it.

“She’s going to give me a crash course in meditation tomorrow,” I said. “That’s a start. On a related topic, we talked to Mom today. She wasn’t surprised and it went pretty smoothly. Looks like everyone’s good with what you asked me to do.”

“How do YOU feel about it?” he asked. “That’s important too and I think we sort of glossed that over.”

“I’m doing okay,” I said with a shrug. “Like I said to Patty and Mom both, you asked me to do this father to son. I’d have to be convinced it was wrong to turn you down. At the same time, I’m not exactly going to the gallows, as it were. We just all have to talk about it and understand where we all are emotionally. I think we’re all in a good place, but we have to have a family meeting to talk it out and answer all the questions. It’s less romantic than I’d want something like this to be, but with so many people’s emotions tied up in it, I think it’s necessary that we all agree.”

He nodded and thought for a few moments before talking. “I understand and I didn’t ask you lightly. You’re considering you and the girls first and that’s exactly what I wanted to see. The girls are both supportive from what they’ve said to both you and me. Your mother took it well enough, so your sister is the only one that’s not in on the decision yet. Are you going to tell her?”

“Mom said she will, but I’ll talk to her too,” I said with a nod. “I don’t like keeping things from her, but I would have if everyone had said that was what they preferred.”

He frowned. “You’ve had a hard lesson in how much secrets hurt,” he said slowly, “and I understand that. What I want you to keep in mind is that some truths can hurt just as badly as a knife. Sometimes it’s more important to consider someone’s feelings rather than the value of the truth. If, for example, Donald had figured out a way for you to keep the money and both him and Miranda to get away alive and told you about it now, you’d be crushed. I heard in your voice how much her death bothers you. Imagine how devastated you would have been to hear afterwards that someone had a piece of information that would have kept her alive too. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be honest, but consider how harsh the truth can be sometimes.”

I nodded and told him that when Beck had told me about her crush on me, I didn’t tell her that things would have been different if she’d told me earlier. “Telling her that I would have been her boyfriend wouldn’t have made her feel better, it would have made her feel worse. So I can keep my mouth shut once in a while,” I said with a smile. “I’ll keep a better watch on what truths might cause more damage in the future. I just know that I’d rather be burned by the truth than a lie. I’ve been on both sides and I prefer the truth.”

He nodded and the mothers returned a short time later. We chatted and Patty took notice of the condition of my tray too. “You have to eat, Matt,” she scolded me.

“I know,” I told her. “And I know it’s not their fault, but the food here is boiled to death. Trust me, I can’t wait to get out of here and back home where the food isn’t prepared for people with no teeth and dessert is something more palatable than lime jello.”

She nodded and poked around the tray a little bit. “It does seem a little soggy,” she allowed. “But you didn’t even touched the fish.”

“There’s only one way to prepare fish: batter it and deep-fry it. Fish and chips is the only way I’ve ever liked fish.”

That got a laugh. “Well, maybe we can talk to your doctor about it,” Patty offered.

“Talk to me about what?” Dr. Spencer asked, looking at the chart she was carrying as she entered the room. She looked around smiling brightly at each of us.