Chapter 5: A Strange Bed

A Strange Bed

November 8, 1976, Fort Worth Residence

I feel like crap.

I hardly slept last night. Fighting with Cindy, and leaving our house, left me an emotional husk. The only good thing, that happened yesterday, is that I got to kick her boyfriends’ asses. Too bad I ended it so quickly. I wonder if I can taunt one of them into attacking me in public, so I can really take my frustration out on him. No, that would be a bad idea. I would really hurt the kid.

I found Michael in his office. “Good morning. Do you know anyone that I can spar with? I was just fantasizing about ruthlessly beating one of Cindy’s boyfriends. I think I had better work that off on someone less defenseless.”

“We can head out to my gym after lunch, and work off some of your frustration and aggression. Given your previous experience with PTSD, we should probably make sure that you are burning off your adrenaline, by mimicking instinctive fighting and running activities every day. I can even “pick a fight” with you and challenge you to fight you over your girl, if it makes you feel better. Hell, I will even let you think that you are winning, before I toss your scrawny butt on the mat and make you cry ‘Uncle’.”

“Yeah, good luck with that, old man.”

“The question is how to help you deal with the stress, beyond running and fighting your ass into the ground. I think you need to talk about your feelings so you don’t add the stress of keeping it bottled up inside. As I am the only other person here, we are going to have to use our male, barely evolved, speech abilities and talk about how you are doing. I think one part of our communication exercise, will be that if I ask about how you are dealing with your now shitty life, every time you say ‘fine’, I get to punch your thigh. I think some negative reinforcement based behavioral treatment sounds like fun!”

“You aren’t the one that is going to have a black and blue thigh!”

“I know. That is the fun part! Besides, your leg is going to be hurting far too much for you to be feeling sorry for yourself. Tell me I am not a genius.”

“You are not a genius. You are a sadistic asshole taking advantage of my weaknesses.”

Michael laughed. “True, but I am still a genius. Since you are around, I will let other teams know that you are available for limited duty assistance with their assignments. If you can get your mind on a mission every few days, it will give you an emotional break while you are focused on something besides yourself. Beyond that, I need to think about what to do with you. Having you as an ‘extra’ is not part of how we normally operate, but teams often like having a little more security. In fact, a team requested additional support.

Overwatch

November 9, 1976, Location: Unknown

My name was Saber. No, I did not legally change my name from Derek White and it was not a nickname I liked to use. It was my codename and call-sign. Michael told me yesterday that two of his teams were combining for a black operation and had requested a third operator to beef up security for the team. I was to be kept in the dark about most of the details.

I drove to a private airfield south of Fort Worth, to meet the team for the mission. The team lead was Axe and the other operator was Bowie (shortened form of Bowie knife). We travelled via helicopter for five hours. All that I knew about the location was that it had hilly, wooded terrain. After landing, we loaded up in a 4wd pickup for a bumpy forty-five-minute ride and then offloaded and hoofed the last part of the trip on foot. Near our target location, Axe led me up a heavily vegetated hill, pointed to a clump of vines and bushes, and told me to take an overwatch position observing the small log cabin. My instructions were to notify the team of anyone approaching. Should shooting begin, I was to lay down covering fire with my M-14 battle rifle, and once my team had successfully disengaged, meet them at a rally point.

Fortunately, no one approached. Axe and Bowie spent two and a half hours inside the cabin and then met me at my over-watch position. No one spoke except for a few, simple, single-sentence instructions, but I could not fail to notice the blood splatter on Bowie’s clothing. Our reverse trip was, likewise, quiet, and once we landed at the airfield, Axe debriefed me in my car, and I went home.

Even though we hardly spoke, I was confident in the two operators. And it was a nice feeling knowing that they would do what they could to keep me safe, and if I did get hurt, they would get me home and ensure that I was cared for. It is just what soldiers do.

Michael told me that Cindy and I would learn what he planned for each of our futures, on Saturday, the thirteenth.

Learning Our Fates

9:00 A.M, November 13, 1976, Fort Worth Residence

I had nothing to say, when Cindy showed up for our meeting, so I stayed in my chair in the living room and continued to drink my coffee. She sat on the couch, while Michael took another chair that faced the two of us.

“We have a problem. The two of you made an agreement with Dana. It was a verbal contract. We provided you with a new life, in exchange for you two working with us as a two-man team. We spent a lot of resources on you two, including the new bodies, training and frankly, my valuable time, actually a lot of my time. And you have not begun to repay us for your new life or even the expenses we have spent on you. Now, the team is completely useless due to trust issues. So, we have some decisions to make.”

“Derek, I think the best thing, for everyone concerned, is to send you back to Dana, and let her figure out how to salvage your situation.”

“Sir, what would I be doing? And, how can a recruiter do anything for me?”

“Don’t underestimate her. She has lived several lifetimes and has functioned as a logistics expert, operator and operations supervisor. And recruiters have broad authority. Frankly, part of her duties is to take broken remnants of her recruits and fix them for reassignment. You will forward my recommendation to her, which is to take you on as a recruitment apprentice and let you gain experience at that function and level. That will give her the best opportunity to determine your capabilities, for future assignments.

This has two benefits. First, recruiters are often isolated, so we send them an apprentice once in a while. It helps to maintain their sanity and to prolong their effectiveness at that post. The other benefit concerns your trust issues. And since you trusted her enough to accept a new life, based only on her promises, you have a foundation to learn to trust again. And frankly, you especially need to learn how to trust women. I haven’t noticed you distrusting me, and Axe reported that you did fine with him, in the limited time he spent with you. Your exact duties will be determined by Dana, but will likely include her security while she conducts her tasks and getting her coffee.”

I laughed at the last part. Because I had no doubt I would soon learn exactly how Dana prefers her favorite beverages.

“Next, what should I do with you, Cindy?”

“I should go with Derek.”

“Why the hell would we do that?”

“We are partners. And we made an Agreement.”

“No, your actions have stated to everyone concerned, that you stopped being his partner. And while I put up with the Agreement nonsense while it appeared to bind you closer to your partner, it has no meaning to us now. You can talk to Derek later about your agreement, but as far as what we do with you, any promises we made about honoring your Agreement became null and void when you broke your contract with us.”

“But I need to be with him.”

“We are not sending you with him. You may meet him again someday, but not any time soon. I will tell you what my superiors want to do with you: they want me to send you back to your old life, five minutes after you were sent here. And that is probably the cleanest way to end our relationship with you. You broke the contract, and we take back our payment to you. You would still benefit somewhat from what we taught you in self-defense, and if you could get some capital, you could use your investment abilities.”

“Would you at least send me my money?”

“What money?”

“The money I earned with my investments. Derek can have half of it, of course. I always planned to share it with him equally, but my half would give me enough funds to live on.”

Michael gave me a questioning look.

“She never said anything to me about our operating accounts being ours.”

“Cindy, you have no money. The initial seed money for your accounts came from me. Your investing work was done as part of your job. All of that money belongs to our Operations division. It would not even help most teams to have possessions, because we move them around as needed, both geographically and in time. You only own the clothes on your back. And in case you did not know, I froze you out of your accounts seven days ago. No. You would go back to your previous life with the same assets you had before. Dana, being the kind person that she is, will probably put you in a motel for a few days and pay for your meals, while you decide what you are going to do next. After that, you are completely on your own.”

For the first time in her new life, Cindy looked terrified.

“Please, don’t do this to me. You don’t know what it was like. I can’t go back there. I won’t last a week in that hell of a life.”

“Then you better give me an alternative. Go wash those tears from your eyes. They won’t deter me from my duties. Take a few minutes to think and come back in here and give me a reason to make some other decision.”

Cindy ran to the bathroom, crying like the woman I first met in Uvalde.

“Derek, what are your feelings about the Agreement? I suppose we could send you back to your old life, if you feel obligated to honor it.”

“No. I do need to talk to her today though and explain it to her.”

He nodded. I got up and refilled our coffee.

Cindy returned after nearly ten minutes.

“I don’t want to go back. What I want is to be with Derek, but you told me that I can’t. But I will do anything you ask if you don’t send me back. I will have sex with anyone you demand; I will do any tasks that you tell me to do; I won’t resist any demand. Just please, don’t send me back.”

Michael sighed.

“It would have been nice if you showed such a willingness toward fulfilling your own obligation. Did we really ask so much of you? Did I or Derek demand so much of you? Didn’t we care for you?”

She started crying again.

“You were so good to me. I had never felt so loved. I am so sorry. If I could go back in time and fix those mistakes, I would. I swear, just give me another chance.”

“I could send you back, but I won’t. Derek does not trust you, should not trust you, and I won’t remove the memories from his mind. So, we still have a problem. I don’t want to pimp you out as a whore. I have people assigned to perform the tasks we need completed, as well-supported teams of two. So, what can you offer us?”

“I don’t know. I am good at investing. Would you let me do that for you?”

Michael just stared at her for a long time.

“Can we trust you? You broke your contract with us. You abandoned your partner in every conceivable manner. Is there anything left of you to salvage?”

“Yes, Michael. I promise, though I know you don’t trust my promises. But I will be loyal to you and the others in the organization.”

“You have one chance, Cindy. Understand that we don’t owe you this chance. But I will put my reputation on the line. But, if you screw me over again, so help me, I will show no mercy to you ever again.”

“You won’t regret it, Michael!”

“You will return to school. If anyone asks, Derek had to go work at one of his family’s businesses in France. If anyone gives you a message for him, you will deliver it to me, and I will send appropriate responses. You are to earn an MBA in finance and obtain the necessary licenses to manage investments. While at school you will continue to manage your funds, and by “your funds,” I mean the funds assigned for you to manage. You will report to me monthly as always, although I may alter that to meet you at a restaurant or just talk over the phone, since we will not be discussing any operations. Once you graduate, I will try to place you in a position within the organization to manage additional investments.

“Thank you, Michael.”

Michael finally gave Cindy a kind smile.

“Cindy, I still won’t sleep with you. But, I will be your mentor, as well as your supervisor. You don’t have to be completely alone. If you want to talk to someone, call me. When classes suspend for Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks, come here, and we will have a family meal together. If you ever need me, I will be there. I will do everything I can for you. And I am someone who never lets his teammates down.”

Cindy jumped out of her chair and grabbed Michael in a hug, and held on to him for a long time. Then she excused herself to wash her face again.

“Michael, you planned for her to choose that outcome from the beginning, didn’t you?”

“I told you I was a genius. But it was important for her to come to that suggestion herself, and understand her options. If I didn’t believe that I could trust her, I would have sent her back to her old life. And despite what I just told her, I think she still has potential to eventually become the logistics specialist that we wanted. She just needs more time for us to develop her. She needs to become more stable. And she needed to forget the Agreement.”

When Cindy returned, Michael left us alone so we could talk and say goodbye.

“Cindy, I need to say a few things to you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yes. Well, I think we are a little beyond apologies now. I am breaking the Agreement. It is no more. I have no more obligations to take care of you.”

She whispered, “But you promised me.”

“I did. And I cared for you for many years. But, even when we first discussed the Agreement, I was concerned about blanket promises. Do you remember when I hesitated to promise to never send you away? I changed that promise to ‘never send you away, as long as you fulfilled your promise to serve me’.”

“I remember.”

“I continued to take care of you, even after you stopped serving me. And I would have continued to take care of you as long as you provided the same faithfulness I expect from any teammate. But once you abandoned me, literally, as I lay injured, and then emotionally, you completely broke any semblance of honoring your obligations to me. And, at that point, I considered you in breach of contract. We are essentially “divorced”. I owe you no more than the common courtesy I afford to all people I meet. You owe me nothing.”

“Do you hate me now? Will you ever forgive me?”

“I don’t know about hate. I am deeply hurt, and the flip side of hurt is anger. So, yes, I am angry with you, much of the time. And even though I try to forgive you every day, I still have to forgive you again the next day. We do have a lot of history together. I am glad that you won’t be sent back. I do still care to the extent that I hope you have a long, happy life.”

“Can I hug you goodbye?”

“Sure.”

We did hug for a while. And, I kissed the top of her head and went to my room.

Does that count as an official third divorce? I guess it doesn’t matter. It is another relationship, with a woman who I loved deeply, which crashed and burned.

A Final Goodbye

After lunch, I had a phone call to make.

“Hello?”

“Shelly, it’s me, Derek”

The line was silent for a long time, and I was afraid that the line had become disconnected.

“Shelly? Are you there?”

“I asked you not to call me. I am not ready to talk to you, Derek.”

“I know. I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to talk to you after today. I wanted to tell you goodbye.”

“Why? What happens after today?

“My family needs me in France. I am headed out tonight to manage one of our business concerns. But, I couldn’t leave without telling you goodbye. I couldn’t leave without telling you how much you have meant to me, and how thankful I am for your friendship.”

Shelly started crying.

“DAMN you, Derek! You don’t get to make love to me, make me fall in love with you, and just walk away!

“I am so sorry.”

“What am I supposed to do with your sorry?”

“I don’t know.”

“I am still angry with you. But, I don’t want your last memory of me being angry words.”

“I don’t either. I wish things had been different; I wish my life was different and could include you. I know one day you will meet a man that deserves you. And, you will be the best wife and mom.”

“I don’t want that. Right now, I want you. But I can’t have you, can I?”

“No. I don’t control my life right now. I have commitments that I made before I ever met you. I need to see them through.”

“Okay. But some day when you do control your life, please call me. I will probably be married and have the kids you spoke of, but I still want to hear from you, when you get your life back.”

“I would like that very much. I will never forget you.”

“I know. I do hope you are able to find happiness. But for now, go live your life, and I am going to get on with mine.”

“Goodbye, Shelly.”

“Goodbye, Derek.”

“Back Home Where I Belong”

Michael met me in the living room. Sending messages forward to Dana was difficult in the crazy world of different timelines. Michael instructed me to memorize a number of updates and instructions to tell Dana as soon as I arrived. I asked about my body, and he assured me that they would make use of it and not to worry about it. That was his job. Finally, he had me rest on a recliner and administered a general anesthetic, and I slept.

I awoke confused in a familiar motel room. I took a moment to orient myself and remember who I was and why I was here. After the shower in the bathroom shut off, and I got off the bed. I felt weak; it was hard to move this body. Then the bathroom door opened; Dana saw me and screamed in fear. I just stood there, not sure what to do.

“Derek! Don’t you ever scare me like that! What are you doing here? Did the transfer not work?”

“It is nice to see you again, Dana. Your outfit looks lovely, and I love what you are doing with your hair.”

She came at me and punched in the arm, hard. “Don’t be a dick! Now tell me why you are in my hotel room and not just an unconscious body.”

I shrugged. “There were issues. And, it is a long story. Plus, I have messages for you. Do you think you can get dressed, and maybe we can eat while I brief you?”

And that is what we did. She quickly dried her hair and put it in a ponytail, put on some jeans and a Cabela’s t-shirt, with a 2^nd Amendment message on the back, and applied a minimum of make-up. She was ready in only fifteen minutes. I was impressed.

Before we left, she said, “I have some things you might like back. I was hoping to keep your Ruger SR40c, it is a nice pistol, and the stainless steel and black polymer are a beautiful look, but you probably need it now. Here is your wallet, less the cash I ‘stole’ and your key ring.”

It was a strange feeling to take possession of items I had not seen in over ten years from my perspective. I verified that I still had my handgun license (Texas, being an open-carry state, no longer calls the license a Concealed Handgun License). I put my shoulder holster on, over my t-shirt and then put on an open button-down, cotton shirt. And then we went to an Applebee’s.

Over an early dinner, I gave her the messages while she copied them in a notepad. When we were almost through eating, I said, “Dana, we should probably discuss operations in private, and I need to get a motel room, or plan to go back to my RV.”

“For tonight, just plan on staying in my room. In fact, it is best that we stay together, while you reacquaint yourself back in your old life.”

Back at the motel room, I told her all about my time there. I went into more detail about the semester at Tarleton State and the collapse of my relationship with Cindy. Dana was amused at my antics with Shelly, but sympathetic about the way our relationship ended.

“Derek, I am sorry how things went with Cindy. I knew there was some risk, given how unbalanced she was, but I really thought she would bind to you emotionally. It sounds like you were her rock, until she discovered that she could function on her own.”

“I have been thinking about that the last few days. In hindsight, we should not have let her enter into college socialization all at once. We should have introduced her gradually and provided more oversight. I think it was just too much for someone with her background, from before she met us. I think eventually she would have determined that I was not important to her, but maybe we could have transitioned to that, without all the drama.”

“You are probably right. I think she will become an asset one of these days. Michael is really good at developing people. He seems to know what they need. Did he tell you much about how he knows me?”

I thought for a moment. “No, he would speak of you, of course, but it was always in the context of your role and professional capabilities. Before I came back, he suggested that recruiters were more than they seem. As he put it, you have great latitude in your duties and broad authority.”

She seemed lost in memories for a while. “He and I were a team. We learned so much together. He was a great partner, and a caring lover.” She looked at me. “After a lifetime, we decided that our emotional detachment was fraying though. We were falling in love, despite what was expected of us. That was when I became a recruiter, in a different time.”

“I’m sorry.”

She shrugged. “You had a taste of the difficulties assets face in meeting their obligations, while also being humans with all the normal emotions and instincts. The new bodies with their programming helps, but it does not solve everything. You and I are going to have to work on your issues. You are going to have to learn how to trust women again. And, you are going to have to learn how to be a lover without falling in love.”

I nodded with a frown.

“Hey, it isn’t that bad! Who do you think your training partner is going to be?”

“You? I get to sleep with you?”

“That’s right, lover boy. And we are going to have fun! But, we are not falling in love. I am not going to let you use me as an emotional crutch. We have to be partners. Well, we are unequal partners. I am definitely your superior officer, and you work for me.”

“Yes, ma’am!” I snapped a salute.

She assumed the position of attention and returned my salute with military precision. “At, ease, Captain.”

I grinned at her. No one had used my military rank in a long time. Even now, it was technically correct, since I was in the retired reserves, but one did not usually address retirees in civilian clothes by their rank.”

“Ma’am, should I address you by rank?”

“I may tell you one day. But, you are going to have to earn that piece of knowledge. We’ll have time. I will tell you now though that I out-rank you.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

Surprisingly, I found the use of my rank and discussion of our military background brought me a sense of familiarity and comfort. It also seemed to help me reacquire attitudes that matched my current, old, body and mind. I had no doubt that she knew exactly what she was doing.

A Night of Healing Sex

July 18, 2016, Uvalde, Texas

I was tired and ready for bed, and being in bed with Dana. But, she seemed to have an agenda.

“Before you get too comfortable, lover boy, we need to establish ground rules.”

“You mean like putting the toilet seat down after use?”

“While that is an appropriate ground rule, we can hold off on that for now. Tonight we need to lay out ground rules for our relationship. You will NOT fall in love with me. I will not be your girlfriend. We are colleagues who will share intimacy for recreation, mental health, and emotional support. In support of that intent, you need to know that our sexual time is at night, unless I make an exception. I don’t mind if you suggest an exception, if the timing is right, and you are feeling particularly amorous. I like it when you look at me the way you do. But the normal rule is that we have sex at night. And in the morning, the alarm clock will wake us, and we will immediately get up and being our duty day. Do you understand?”

I thought about that. I understood. But I also really enjoyed the first few minutes of the day spooned with a woman, as I ground my erection against a firm butt.

“Is there any chance we could modify that rule to allow me sixty seconds of grinding my morning wood against your most alluring of assets?”

“I am flexible, somewhat. If it is important to you, I can allow that, but I will be timing you and at sixty-one seconds, we are getting out of bed. You will not hug me, kiss me, or fondle me after that. Can you handle those restrictions?”

“With pleasure.”

“Let’s get ready for bed then.”

One thing that was strange is that my body was not desperate for sex. I had not had sex since the night with Shelly, but my body had a wonderful blowjob earlier in the day in its perspective.

We stayed in the missionary position, and it was enjoyable, but nothing exotic. After we were through, I held on to her. And I was close to tears. From my mind’s perspective, no one had been tender or loving with me in a long time. I couldn’t help myself and held her desperately to me.

“It’s okay, baby. You can hold me as long as you want tonight. I know you had a rough time. This is one of the reasons we have partners of different genders. I do care about you. Not as a lover, really, but I care about your well-being and happiness. You are my partner, now. You can tell me anything or nothing. If you need to cry, I won’t judge you. Nothing that happens in bed is ever reported to anyone else. This is just our time to support each other.”

And now I did cry for a long time. For the moment, she was mother, lover, friend, and partner. I began to heal.

Let’s Take a Vacation

July 19, 2016

An obnoxious buzzing interrupted my dream. My right hand was holding a wonderful orb of breast flesh and my hardened dick ground into firm buttocks. Oh man, what a great way to wake up.

Suddenly, my partner jumped out of bed and headed to the bathroom. She looked at me over her shoulder. “After I take a leak, I am going to take a quick shower to clean up from last night’s loving. Feel free to come on in and start your morning routine. PT (physical training) is in thirty minutes. I will take it easy on you, until your body gets used to the routine.”

PT was not intense at all. She led us. She spent a long time with stretches. We did push-ups and sit-ups in three sets of one minute, and then we went to a park where I walked briskly while she ran. Afterwards, we cleaned up, packed our few belongings, and headed to the parking lot.

“I am going to follow you to your RV so you can drop your vehicle off. You won’t be needing it. Give me a set of keys and I will have someone prepare them for long-term storage out here. You can bring a week’s worth of clothing, your personal weapons, and a few items of sentimental value, if you like. I will be buying you everything else you need. Oh, and bring all your bills and financial records with you. We need to pay off any debts and arrange automatic payments for your property taxes, vehicle registration, and anything else like that.”

It takes a half hour to travel to my RV from town. I spent forty-five minutes gathering the things I was bringing with me. At the last minute, I remembered my Kindle, which was filled with books and stories I download from the Internet. It was nice having modern electronics again. I brought my cell phone, just in case. Once I loaded the car, I jumped in the passenger seat. For some reason she did not want me driving for a few days. Once in the car, I checked that I had easy access to my Maxpedition shoulder bag, checking my extra handgun and spare magazines.

“Your old habits are back; it seems. Hyper-vigilance is actually appropriate, given your new duties. But we are going to need to deal with your other PTSD and Depression symptoms. We also need to get you to one of our clinics to address your aging.”

“You are giving me a new body? Do you have one lying around?”

“No, you are keeping your old body until we need you in a different year. But our medical technicians can adjust your body somewhat. Adrenaline flooding your body, putting you in combat mode, every time you re-experience something that reminds you of combat, is going to destroy your body. And while I find you attractive as you are, we can begin the process by which your body will revert to an age in the mid-thirties, so that you are more capable of handling security functions for me. It won’t hurt our bedroom activities. I made a phone call while you were packing up and we have an appointment for tomorrow.”