Chapter 5

The nurse led us into an empty exam room and Kendi took her place on the exam table and I sat in the chair by the door. We sat quietly and waited. I guess we should have been speaking, but I had said all I could think to say. I looked at Kendi and she seemed to be somewhere else. She stared at a spot on the floor.

The door opened and Dr. Askew walked in. The confused look on her face mirrored the confusion in our hearts.

“Hello, you two. What can I do for you?”

“I want an abortion.”

Well there it was. I guess I was surprised at the blunt fact of it. No pause, no stopping to gather a breath. Just four simple words.

“That is very sudden, Kendi. Tell me what led to this decision.”

“I don’t want it in me.”

She sounded fierce and yet defensive.

“Kendi! You need to give the doctor a better reason. Tell her what just happened to you.”

Kendi took a breath this time and then told her new doctor what happened. She spoke with a venom in her voice I had never heard. Her hatred for the man was thick in the air.

“So, I want his bastard child out of me.”

“First, the law requires a waiting period of one week after a patient asks for an abortion. This is to allow for a counseling and contemplative period. After that we can abort the pregnancy.”

“Second, we have not gotten the results of the NIPP test. There is still a possibility that the baby is Mick’s”

“You said that my date of conception was before Mick and I had sex.”

“That was only a centered guess. There is room to fudge on either side of that date. There is room for hope.”

“How soon before the test results come back?”

“Mick, I will call them today and get an answer to that question.”

“What is the law for the latest an abortion can be done?”

“The law says that an abortion cannot be performed in the third trimester. If we wait for the test results, you should still have plenty of time, if you still choose to abort the pregnancy.”

“If the baby is not Mick’s, I want it out of me. No more questions. No other delays.”

“Ok, Kendi. I’ll call you as soon as I get the results of the NIPP test.”

Kendi and I then left the doctor’s office and went home. We didn’t talk the whole way home and the ride up the elevator was the most somber thing I have ever done. Kendi unlocked the door and we went inside. Without speaking, I went to the kitchen and made dinner. We ate in silence and I did the dishes before going to sit on the couch with a glass of wine.

“Is this how it is going to be?”

“I don’t know.”

“Kendi, I married you for better or worse. I can’t imagine anything being worse. Today at the doctor’s and again at Doctor Askew’s you sounded almost vengeful. Almost evil in your hatred of him. You didn’t sound like the woman I love. The woman that saved my life.”

“What do you want me to sound like? He stole the one joy I was hoping we could share. My first child was supposed to be OUR first child. He gave me an abomination. I do hate him. I always will.”

“Your hate will eat you up, Kendi. You need to change it, like you did with your father.”

“I never hated my father.”

“Then what drove you to get your education and to find me and save my life?”

“It was love. My love for you.”

“You told me that you fell in love with me after you met me here.”

“I know but I loved you from the day you saved me. That love changed into a romantic love after I met you and got to know you.”

“Then you need to learn to love the baby. As you said, it didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No. I can’t let him win. I can’t let him succeed in doing to me what my father tried to do. I can’t.”

“I am going to go take a shower and then hit the sack. Good night.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why do you want to come with me?”

“We always shower together before bed.”

“I always shower with the woman I love. I’m not sure who you are right now.”

“All because of me wanting an abortion?”

“If you think that, you have more of an issue than you know.”

I got up and went to the bedroom and got into the shower. The look of shock on Kendi’s face told me all I needed to know. She was torn. She had no idea what to do. At some point I would tell her that it was not the abortion, it was the hatred she showed that was making me change the way I saw her.

I finished my shower and went to bed. A few minutes later, Kendi went into the shower and when she was done, she came to bed. I couldn’t feel her naked body through the pajamas that I wore. It was the first time I had slept with her in clothes.

“Mick, can I at least hold you?”

“Yes.”

I woke to the feeling of her hand stroking my erection. When I looked at her, I could tell that she had been crying.

“Please, Mick. Make love to me.”

“I’ll have sex with you. I’ll fuck you, but right now I can’t make love to you. I don’t know who you are.”

Kendi took my softened penis and gently laid it on my stomach. She pulled the sheet back up over me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you were so adamant about abortion.”

I sat up in bed and adjusted my pillow behind me.

“You still don’t understand, Kendi. This has nothing to do with abortion. Well at least it’s not a major factor.”

“What is it about then?”

“Kendi! A long time ago, I came home one night to find a scared little girl sitting in front of our apartments. Her father was inside raping her sister after beating her mother and that little girl didn’t have a hateful bone in her. She was scared and confused but she didn’t hate.”

“A few months ago, I was sitting in a bar on a Monday night when this woman walked in. She was sexy and beautiful and told me she was going to save my life. She did, and I fell in love with her and we got married. Then we spent hours after the wedding trying to make a baby together. I really didn’t care if we had a baby or not, I already had kids, but I had that beautiful, loving woman in my life.”

“Over the past few days that woman has changed. Suddenly, I saw hate. I saw a vitriol that was so not a part of the woman I married and loved. I lay in bed last night, with you holding me and wondered who you were. Who was this woman who could create such hate for a person?”

“Add to that the fact that you could take that hate out on another person. The abortion, to me, is something I can deal with. In the end it is your body. If you decided to abort it, I can deal with that because I know that you only want to have our children. But to kill the baby because you hate another so much, it is more than I can understand.”

Kendi pulled the covers up to her bare chest. She didn’t need to; I hadn’t looked at her breasts the whole time I spoke. Either my words or my actions had gotten through to Kendi. She sat there, covering herself, in deep thought. The expressions on her face changed as she worked through things. After a very long time, Kendi took a deep breath and spoke softly.

“I love you.”

That was all she said. Then she got out of bed and showered, dried and dressed without a word. She walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. I finally got out of bed, mostly out of curiosity, and followed her to the kitchen to find her sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, talking on the phone.

“Yes, please.”

“As soon as possible.”

“My marriage depends on this.”

“At 11:15 this morning.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Thank you.”

She disconnected the phone, set it down on the table and looked up at me.

“I talked to Dr. Askew and got the name of the councilor they use to talk to abortion patients. I have an appointment to see her at 11:15 this morning. I’m going to go by myself. When I come back, we will talk. I don’t know what I am going to have to say, but I hope we can settle this down before it costs us everything.”

“Do you have to go alone?”

“I want to. I have to think over what you just told me and then I’ll need to think about what the councilor has to say and then I’ll need time to look at the two side by side. I can’t do that when you are with me. You see when you are with me all I can think of is how much I love you.”

“Ok. If you get back and I’m not here, I may be in the workout room or out for a walk. If I am walking, I’ll have my phone with me and I would appreciate it if you would call me, so I can get back to you. Ok?”

“Yes.”

I walked out on to the deck and stood in the morning air. My logical side was having a knock down drag out with my emotional side. God, I loved her, and I wanted to love her again. Doesn’t make a damn bit of sense, does it. I guess I was out there fighting for a long time because there was a tap on my shoulder.

“Mick, I am leaving now.”

“Ok. I wish there was something I could do. Please come home to me.”

“I’ll be back.”

“I know you’ll be back. I want you to come home.”

Kendi nodded and kissed me on the cheek before walking out the door. I sat on the couch and broke down and cried. I jumped up and ran to the door, threw it open and stepped out to find that she had already gone into the elevator.

“Hi. I’m Kendall O’Dell. I have an appointment at 11:15 this morning.”

“Yes, Mrs. O’Dell. I have some forms that you need to fill out.”

The receptionist handed me a clipboard with a stack of papers clipped to it and a pen on a string. I took the board and sat in a comfortable chair and filled in the info about name and address and all that. Then it got to the hard part. How far along in my pregnancy was I? Did I know who the father was? Was I married to the father? Was I going to be? Why did I want an abortion? Would I consider adoption?