Chapter 17

"Surely you are joking," I said.

"We got one each ... both times," she was just a little loud.

I nodded, clutching my crotch.

"We got THREE this time," she was a bit louder.

My balls ached thinking of Vets and fixing a problem.

"IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN ... WHAT? ... SIX!?!"

The room was invaded by nurses and a couple of cops.

"Mr. Valmaat. You have to leave. You're upsetting the mothers," said the head nurse.

"What? I'm not the one yelling!" Well ... maybe that time ... just a little.

The cops were a couple of pretty burly guys. I found myself sitting in a taxi pulling away from the curb.

"Wife got upset?" The cabbie asked.

I looked above the visor.

"Mr. Secrest," I began.

"Warren,"

"Warren ... I'm David."

"Pleased to meet you, David."

He snaked a hand back and we shook.

"Better circumstances, next time, Warren," I said.

"Let us hope," Warren said. "Do you need a ride to the Vet Monday?"

"Urk!"

"They all say that," Warren said. He laughed.

"You make a habit of picking up new dads at the hospital?"

"All of them," he said. "My brother in law is on the force."

"All of them?"

"All the hospitals ... babies get born every day; wives get pissed ... I'm used to it."

He passed a pint jar, "Here, this'll help."

Choking, hacking and blowing my nose, I passed it back.

"Good Lord!"

"Really something, ain't it."

"I can breathe again!"

"Clears your sinuses, don't it." He passed the jar again, "Have another. Then I'll take you back to your boat."

"Whoa!" I said.

"Yeah," Warren said, "The wife makes it. I don't drink."

We sat in companionable silence ... Warren drove and I adjusted.

"Better?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Triplets," he shook his head in amazement. "Girls!"

"Yeah," I agreed.

"Boys ... you gotta worry about one dick," he started.

"Girls," I said. "You gotta worry about Every dick."

"Yup," Warren laughed.

"What's funny about that?"

"I have triplet girls," he said.

"Oh."

"Teenagers," he said.

"Shit!"

"And fall back in it," he said. "You're home."

"How did you know?"

"Hell, David. You're famous."

"Huh?"

"Fighter pilot, Colonel in the Air-force, restoring that piece of junk tugboat. Everybody in town knows who you are."

"Well, I'll be damned."

"Probably ... when those girls get to be teens for sure you'll murder somebody."

He paused.

Then... "If they even remotely resemble Inkeri and Wendy, you'll have your hands full."

"Shit!"

"Yup. Get 'em out on that boat and don't dock anywhere until they're 18."

Get 'em out on this boat... Vellamo. Wendy's main argument, "We ain't leaving until I hatch," was settled. Admit it ... triplets were a whole new ball of whacks.

We're going to sit right here until those babies are weaned ... bet me.

My ideas have been sucky lately ... but surely my time will come.