Chapter 24: Everything Changes

April, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

On Saturday morning, after a night of passion which had lasted until after 3:00am, Anala and I slept in. I'd called Sensei Jim earlier in the week to let him know that I was going to stop attending for a time. He'd pressed me hard not to stop, but I simply didn't have the time, at least until the end of the semester. I'd promised to reevaluate the situation at the end of the Summer, but I knew what the conclusion would most likely be.

Because we slept late, I not only drove Anala home, but waited for her to pack her weekend bag and drove her to Union Station so that she could catch the Burlington Northern train to the west suburbs. By the time I arrived home, Penny was in my study working on her game program. She hopped up and gave me a quick kiss, then sat back down. I took out my history text and read while she programmed, answering her occasional questions.

Just after 9:00am, Jackie came into my study and I got up and left. I went to the kitchen to make myself some tea and then went to the Indian room to study. The extra ninety minutes every Saturday was going to be a bigger help than I'd thought. It meant a few more minutes of free time each night, which I valued, especially given how full my Tuesdays were.

Jackie came to find me about twenty minutes later. She let me know that Penny was waiting to say goodbye, so I went to my study and gave Penny the French kiss that she was clearly waiting for. She smiled, winked, and then I walked her to the door and watched her scamper next door. When she was safely inside, I went to my study, where Jackie was waiting with a smirk on her face.

"You're fine," Jackie laughed. "Well, at least until your birthday. Then, you're a dead man."

"Oh?" I smirked.

"She's not going to fuck you within an inch of your life. She's going to fuck you to death. And she's so ready she'd let you take her in the great room with everyone watching, if that's what it took."

"So no issues?" I grinned.

"Only if you consider being wildly fucked by a horny fifteen-year-old girl an issue!" she giggled.

"Thanks, Jackie," I said.

"What happened with Anala?"

"She agreed. With a condition that our bed is our bed and if I want to be with other girls, it has to be in another bed."

"Sensible, but I foresee problems with some of your other girls."

"Yes, because among other things, I said I wasn't going to commit to anyone, though I'm not really doing that. But I also told some of them that I wasn't going to share my bed permanently with anyone, and that's what I'm going to do. At least for a year, anyway."

"So what happens with Elyse and Bethany?"

"I can go to Elyse's room. And Bethany and I can sleep in a guest room. Anala is fine with that. I can even have them sleep in our bed, but no sex there at all, except with Anala."

"She drove a hard bargain!" Jackie smirked.

"But that is indeed what I think Bethany intended. It wouldn't surprise me if she expected exactly what happened!"

"She's a smart girl, Steve. She's the one for you, I think, though I guess you're not sure about it."

"I'm not sure about anything at this point. But things are becoming clearer. Speaking of which, I meant to ask, how are your classes going?"

"OK. The next two months will be crazy, so other than a few hours on Sunday, I won't have any free time. That's why I'm glad Jamie was here last Sunday. Once he graduates and we can move in together, things will be good."

"Speaking of being wildly fucked," I chuckled.

"You do NOT know how badly I want to be with him!" she said.

"I can guess. Let the man graduate first, though!"

"I hardly see him, though he did tell me when he left last week that he'd be here tomorrow. I'm shocked, but I think once he asked me to live with him, he decided that he'd better make an effort."

"I sure would!" I said.

We both went to the Indian room to do homework and study until lunch, when I drove to Bridgeport to meet Becky. We had a nice lunch, though I avoided anything that might indicate that I wanted to restart a romantic relationship. Becky cooperated and other than a couple of innuendos that I felt were acceptable, she stayed on the straight and narrow. I did hug her and kiss her cheek when we said 'goodbye'.

After I arrived home from lunch, I went to my study to work on my database project. I decided that I'd finish it, if possible, so that I didn't have to worry about it after this week. By dinner time, when Elyse came to find me, I'd finished it and was testing it. I saved everything and joined Elyse in the kitchen to make dinner.

After dinner, when everyone went to the basement or up to the attic, I went to my study to call my sister. I hoped she agreed with my decision about Anala, and even more, that she understood what Jennifer had told me. I wouldn't tell her about Jennifer's decision to end things with her; that was for Jennifer to tell her this Summer. And I was going to make sure that I was as far away as possible from wherever THAT conversation took place.

"How are things going, Squirt?" I asked when she answered the phone.

"Good. I have a date for the Prom. One of the guys from my group, Michael."

"Jorge will be devastated," I chuckled.

"I hope he took his cold shower. He'll just have to wait until I'm in Chicago and then he can ask me for a date."

"And?" I asked.

"And he can ask. We'll see."

"You know, you can't toy with boys like a cat with a mouse forever, Squirt. I've made my share of mistakes that way, playing with girls' emotions. It's time for me to stop."

"Why does that sound like something I'm not going to like?"

"Oh, that's not the part you aren't going to like. The solution to my recent poor relationships was simple. Bethany suggested that I do what I did, Senior year with Debbie V."

"No way! With which girl?"

"Anala. Bethany suggested that I have her move in with me."

"There's more to that. Explain, Big Brother."

I explained the situation, including the bad experiences that I'd had with girls in the past year. I made sure that Stephanie understood that I wasn't making any kind of commitment to Anala and that I'd cleared it with Jennifer before I did anything at all. In the end, Stephanie reluctantly agreed with Bethany. That was good, but then I had to tell her what Jennifer had told me.

"Squirt, there's something more important, and you're going to hate it. Jennifer told me that she doesn't want to marry me."

"What?!" she gasped. "Because of this? You said she was OK with it? No!" she exclaimed, starting to sob.

"Stephanie," I said gently, "it's not because of this. It's because she wants to be with a girl. And the girl she wants to be with wants Jennifer as her life partner. That doesn't change anything between Jennifer and I except we won't get married. We'll still have kids, and she'll be my lover. She just won't be my wife."

"I don't understand!" she sobbed. "That's not what was supposed to happen!"

"Jennifer's a lesbian, Squirt. As much as she loves me and as much as she enjoys sex with me, I have a penis, and, in the end, that's not what she wants for her life partner. Think about it. It explains everything."

"And you're OK with that?" she asked, stifling a sob.

"Hell no! And I'm not resigned to it being the case. But I'm also not going to be foolish enough to think I can easily change Jennifer's mind. I'm not even sure I should, but I'm also not willing to completely give up."

"You're confusing me, Big Brother."

"I'm confused, too. But if you think about it, all of Jennifer's problems stemmed from the fact that she liked girls and society said she wasn't allowed to. The problems that Jen and I had went away once she finally accepted that what she was afraid of was true. I can't do anything that might bring back the confusion and the problems, but I also can't give up on the idea of marrying her."

"But you're going to have to, aren't you? I can tell by the way you're talking."

"I don't know. But I do have Jennifer's promise that she wants me to be the father of her children and that she'll be my lover for the rest of our lives. I guess I can't complain about that."

"I don't know what to say," Stephanie sighed.

"Just say that you love me, please."

"I do. I love you more than anything. I always have and I always will. Everything is changing, isn't it?"

"It is. I think it's part of life. Loki seems to be a constant. But I'll take him over Fate any day of the week. We aren't little kids any more, Squirt. This is real life. It's messy, and it's hard, and sometimes it sucks. I love you and I'll never stop loving you. No matter what."

"I know," she sighed. "What about us?"

"I think we both know it's coming to an end. Naturally this time, instead of from pressure from our friends. Soon enough, you'll need to start looking for a mate. You know it and I know it. And that's when we'll just be brother and sister again. And that's a good thing. I don't regret a single thing that you and I have done, and I wouldn't change a thing. But it does have to end."

"I know," she whispered. "But not yet."

"Oh no, not yet! We'll find a way to be together when you move to Chicago, at least for a couple of months. Sofia will go home for the Summer, and Jennifer and Josie will be together. I'll work it out with Anala. I have to tell her about us before you move here. That's one of the things that gave me pause. But I think she'll accept it."

"Why does life have to be so hard?" Stephanie asked.

"I have no idea. But remember, no matter what, we'll be together, as brother and sister. I never, ever want you out of my life."

"Nor I you, Big Brother. You have my blessing, if you need it."

"Yes, I need it. Thanks, Squirt. It's the right thing for me to do."

"That's the end for Karin, isn't it?"

"I think it has to be. It's never really worked. We were fooling ourselves."

"Yes, you were. So it's Bethany, then?"

"Maybe. I guess she took over Jennifer's inside track if nothing changes, but Sofia, Kara, and perhaps Tatyana figure into the equation. For Tatyana, something major would have to change. And then, there's always a longshot like Penny."

Stephanie laughed, "I doubt it. She'll be one of the best fucks you've ever had, if you're right in what you told me, but I don't think she's your future wife. I know who I'd put my money on, but I'm not saying just yet."

I chuckled, "I know that. And I know that every time I make plans, something strange happens. I just hope whatever cards I'm dealt turn out to be at least a Full House."

"Oh, you'll have a Full House, between girls and kids, that I'm sure of!"

"Thanks, Squirt. I love you."

"I love you too, Big Brother!"

When I hung up, I went to the basement to play pool and drink bourbon. I slept alone that night, which was OK, because I was preoccupied with my thoughts. In the morning, I was up before everyone except Charlie and George, who were drinking coffee in the kitchen. I offered to make them breakfast, and they accepted. They were both doing well in school and I was glad that neither of them was hurt by the change I'd made in our relationship.

When I finished breakfast, I went to my study and called Karin. We had our usual chat, and I didn't bring up the issue of Anala. That would have to wait until Karin and I were together, face to face. I dreaded that encounter, but it had to happen, and it had to be in person, not over the phone. That was about two months away, and it loomed large.

After I hung up with Karin, I called Sofia. I had to tell her about the roommate arrangements and Anala, so that if she objected to sharing with Cindi, I could move her into my study. I got the reaction I expected — grudging acceptance.

"That's not what I hoped for, but it'll be fine to share a room with Cindi. You're going to need to explain this whole thing with this girl, Anala, to me in detail, though. It doesn't make a lot of sense. Not to mention your promise about permanent relationships."

"It's not permanent. Let me see if I can explain without spending $50 on the call."

I did my best to explain the situation, actually switching into English for a few sentences because I couldn't figure out the right way to say things in Swedish. Sofia spoke excellent English, so that actually worked well. When I finished explaining, she repeated back a synopsis.

"So, if I understand correctly, this is about you having a stable life, but not making a commitment. It can't be me sharing with you because you think we might have a future together, but you don't have one with this girl. And you and Jennifer aren't going to get married. Jennifer wants to have kids with you, even if you marry someone else. And you're probably going to do that."

"That about sums it up," I said.

"Well, I guess it's not the worst possible scenario, and if you and Jennifer aren't getting married, that's an improvement, though I can't say I like the idea of her being some kind of permanent lover. You're saying that I'd have to accept that if I wanted to marry you?"

"More than likely, yes. I won't lie to you about that."

"I don't know that I can do that, Steve. That's a bit much to ask, don't you think?"

"Probably. You've known me for a long time now, Sofia. You've known how I am. It's not really a change in that sense."

"That's true, but I had hoped eventually you'd settle down and you could get past your antics."

"I know. The ball is in your court. We need to decide what happens this Summer."

"You're planning to do the same as last time?"

"Yes, though my trip to Stockholm might be cut short. I'm pretty sure that Karin and I are through."

"Wow! No Karin. No Jennifer. No Kara. Hmm. Tell me more about Jennifer and Josie."

I gave her a quick description of the situation.

"Is your relationship with them negotiable?" she asked.

"Who knows? In a year, Jennifer and Josie will move here and everything will start to sort itself out. You'll be here, instead of 5,000 kilometers away."

"I wish this were simple!"

"Nothing is simple with me, Sofia. All I can do is tell you the truth and let you decide what you want to do. Should I plan to stay with you, or should I ask either Katt's parents or Torbjörn?"

She was quiet for a moment.

"Stay with me," she said resolutely. "I'm not ready to give up. I want to meet Jennifer and talk to her. And if Karin or her parents kick you out, come back to Hovås. You'll be welcome."

"Thanks. I'll get you the details. Do you have everything set for coming here?"

"The tickets are purchased. As soon as school is out, I'm going to ship some stuff there."

"OK. I'm glad you're coming to Chicago, Sofia."

"Me too!"

We said our goodbyes and hung up.

Later that morning, I walked through the great room and saw Jorge sitting at the chess table, moving pieces and seemingly playing a game against himself.

"That's one way to be sure to win," I chuckled.