Enterprise: The Rediscovered Logs
Chapter 35: Long, Boring Speeches

Copyright© 2016 by The Slim Rhino

Fan Fiction Sex Story: Chapter 35: Long, Boring Speeches - An attempt at a complete rewrite of the TV series that was cut way too short due to its bad writing. One of my newer Startrek works.

Caution: This Fan Fiction Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa   Fa/Fa   Consensual   Romantic   Lesbian   BiSexual   Heterosexual   Fan Fiction   Humor   Science Fiction   Space   Aliens   First   Oral Sex   Anal Sex   Masturbation   Petting   Exhibitionism   Workplace   Nudism   War  

Uh-Oh Trip thought when Malcolm tapped his glass with a spoon and stood up. More than one hundred pairs of eyes were looking expectantly at the Brit.

"I understand it is not exactly customary to appoint yourself the job of Best Man, but then, what is customary about a redneck getting hitched to the one person who would win every 'Miss Starfleet' beauty pageant if they could finally be bothered to organize one?"

A lot of people cackled at that.

"Just for the record, she has gotten some serious Andorian competition lately. That disclaimer is necessary because I happen to prefer sleeping in-doors."

The whole audience, except for T'Pol and V'Nur erupted in laughter, loudest among them Talas, Hoshi and Shran.

"I intended to make this short and painless, but then I remembered that both bride and groom are used to Captain Archer's weekly briefings, so please sit back and relax as I plan to speak for roughly an hour."

The loudest laughter and applause came from the captain this time. T'Lara, who was sitting in his lap had probably not much of a clue what was going on, but amused humans always made her happy, too.

"It will actually be somewhat of a novelty for me, being able to speak for five minutes in the presence of Commander Tucker without being interrupted. I wouldn't go as far as saying that he is loud, but he definitely disproves that the speed of light is faster than the speed of sound. You hear him before you see him."

He paused for a moment to let the engineering department have their giggles. While his engineers had their fun on his expense, Malcolm picked up a number of card with notes on them.

"Being the social blunderbuss I so truly am, I had to research what a Best man's speech has to be like. The first of my notes says, my speech should not take longer than it takes the groom to make love to his wife, so I'm afraid I missed my clue to stop about a minute ago."

Even T'Pol wore a very elevated eyebrow at that. Malcolm had no idea how wrong he was in that regard.

"There are apparently a few do's and dont's for a Best Man speech," Malcolm continued and started throwing cards away. "This one says: don't swear, what a bloody shame. Don't mention ex-girlfriends. Why's this card empty? Don't tell rude jokes. Well I guess you're safe from that one. I wouldn't know a joke if it pleasured me in the back of a shuttlepod."

Everyone laughed at that. They were definitely seeing a side of Malcolm Reed he'd not shown before.

"One of my notes says I should give the groom tips on married life, which is of course quite preposterous. Who would ask an Eskimo for fashion advice on a summer dress? The only real advice I can give is this: Lay down the ground rules and establish who's the boss. Then just do what T'Pol says from now on."

Everybody hooted and hollered at that, well except two of the three Vulcans in attendance. T'Lara was still too young. She was allowed to giggle.

"Well, this one says I'm to describe the groom. Where do I start? He's handsome, witty, cha ... charm... , sorry mate, I can't really read your handwriting here, you can tell me the rest over a beer."

Trip laughed out loud. It was perhaps the best wedding present to see Malcolm let his hair down for once.

"Considering that we became friends while sitting in the brig, I think the two of us turned out quite okay, mate.

"His contribution to our ship's well-being is widely known, as is his contribution to crew morale through various, let's say, esthetically pleasing additions to one of our officers' homepage."

There were knowing grins all around and Trip felt a little hot under his collar. Pat and Anna winked at him.

"The biggest contribution he's made however, is his contribution to Engineering's basketball team – by sticking to watching instead of playing. To quote the team's player-manager – 'he's useless in every position'."

It were again his engineers who had an inordinate amount of fun with that one.

"We have of course been brought here to celebrate the wedding of Commander Tucker and Commander T'Pol. To say they hit off right from the start would be the understatement of the Century. As I said earlier, I have all the social skills of a tub of lard, but even I could see that the two of them would end up being more than just friends. As the saying goes: What's meant to be is meant to be, and if these two aren't meant to be I don't know what is."

Everyone applauded to that.

"As is evident by the lovely young lady who insists on sitting on the grooms lap all night, life has put the cart before the horse in a way, but even I can say that Trip and T'Pol are fantastic, warm and caring parents for a child that looks quite happy to me."

Trip bowed down and allowed T'Lara to place a chaste kiss on his lips.

"So, here we are Ladies and Gentlemen, Trip and T'Pol are married for better or for worse, which is quite fitting, wouldn't you say? Trip couldn't have done any better and T'Pol couldn't have done any worse."

The captain laughed the loudest at that one.

"On a more serious note," Malcolm continued. "Take it from someone who speaks from experience. You will never find a better or more loyal friend than Charles Anthony Tucker III. He is not only the most brilliant engineer humanity has to offer right now, this crew would definitely be off much worse if he wasn't a part of it. I know how much T'Pol means to you, Trip, and I know you will always be there for her and make her a happy woman for many years to come.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please be standing with me and raise your glass for a toast to the bride and groom T'Pol and Charles of the clan Sh'hiran'lin'iijyliunh'rei'iy'iukn'hy'wen'lhia'ehrm'n.

Of course nobody dared to try and repeat the clan's name, but they all happily toasted them, most enthusiastically, T'Lara with her glass of orange juice.


To Trip's surprise the next spoon that hit a glass was T'Pol's. She stood gracefully and the room went silent.

"Dear guests. As Lieutenant Reed has so aptly pointed out, there are many aspects of our wedding that are not entirely traditional. One of them is the bride speaking before the groom, but as my mate will only be too willing to confirm, at times it can be a taxing task to silence me."

Trip could see a lot of surprised faces and heard a lot of disbelieving giggles. Not everyone had been privy to T'Pol's very unique sense of humor so far.

"First of all, I wish to express my gratitude to all of you who attend this celebration, and the fact that nobody broke the secrecy of preparing this celebration. We all know that keeping a secret seems to be an inordinately difficult endeavor on our ship."

There were a few cackles in the crowd.

"Unfortunately, due to recent developments on my home-world, my mother could not attend this congregation, however I am most grateful for Commander Shran and his crew, who did not hesitate to provide passage to my father, someone, whom they would only a few weeks ago have considered an enemy. It is my hope that this is not only the start of married life for me and my mate, but also the start of peaceful cooperation between Vulcans, humans, Andorians and hopefully many more species in the future."

Everybody was standing and clapping at that, including the Adorians.

"With this day I gain two more parents, Charles jr. and Catherine. We only met for the first time six days ago, but you immediately accepted me into your house and your family. It is my great pleasure to accept you, and Charles' sisters Elizabeth and Hoshi into the house of T'Klaas, as members of the clan Sh'hiran'lin'iijyliunh'rei'iy'iukn'hy'wen'lhia'ehrm'n."

There was some commotion in the crowd when T'Pol had called Hoshi his sister and Trip gave Jon a knowing look. The Captain whispered to Anna and surely before the speeches were over, the info would be known to everyone.

"And finally some words for my husband. May I start with the observation that being able to call you that fills me with much more pride than a Vulcan should allow herself to experience?"

Trip wiped an errant tear out of his eye and smiled at her.

 
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