Chapter 15: Horrifying Discovery

He sat in his quarters, tiredly burying his face in his palms. It had come exactly as he had feared it would.

Granted, having finally resigned himself to follow T'Pol's proposal of having his 'tensions eased', he and Anna had done a spectacularly good job of catering for each others cravings. Anna was not the problem. Once they'd done what had to be done, they were back to being friends and first- and second-in-command of engineering. Neither of them was suddenly starting to grin at the other knowingly or anything.

The problem was T'Pol. Just as he had expected, their interaction had become awkward. Like they had done for quite a while now, they had gravitated toward each other in the mess hall. Whoever came later would join the other at his or her table, and their respective partner would always be alone there as nobody in his right mind would dare interrupt the daily routine of what was commonly referred to as 'the First Couple', at least if the ship's hyperactive rumor mill was to be believed.

But today the meal had proceeded in deafening silence. Even the few words they had been exchanging were laced with overbearing politeness and an infuriating distance. It was truly annyoying. As if he hadn't warned her of exactly that – she found it hard to accept that he had actually done it.

And he was starting to wonder why the heck he'd ever believed it could work.

It would only be several hours until they would return to the starbase, now that Charles and Lieutenant Hess' teams had restored the ship's warp capabilities.

T'Pol stared out blankly at the stars streaking past as Enterprise glided though the dark void of space. It had been obvious to her that Charles and Lieutenant Hess had engaged in sexual contact, and in a short – even miniscule – moment of contact her keen senses had picked up that his mind was now much more at ease, but – infuriatingly – she had not managed to deal with the fact as impassively as she had been convinced she would be able to.

It might be more correct to say that his body was much more at ease. His mind was not. He felt guilty for what he had done, and his guilt manifested itself as awkwardness. This made her awkward in return, even more so than her own illogical response to the new situation would have done.

No doubt, at this very moment, he would be somewhere on the ship, bemoaning the fact that his prior misgivings had been proven correct. She needed to find a solution, and Lieutenant Hess was the key.

Pat McIlway was a very happy, and a very sated woman. Whenever Anna had gotten her occasional need for a man out of her system, the next days would be pure bliss as her beloved partner would make her feel really good, and considering the ferocity of today's love-making, the tryst with commander Tucker had been a gift from heaven.

But when she saw Anna's worried glance after answering the door bell, she knew there were going to be repercussions. Their visitor turned out to be a very miserable looking commander T'Pol. Her heart sank. She'd suspected all along that what had brought a whole new dynamic to her relationship with Anna could possibly damage the relationship between the ship's chief engineer and the first officer – and if this was the case, the cost was too high.

"Shall I leave you alone?" Pat asked shyly.

"No," the Vulcan answered. "In fact, I believe it may be quite helpful if you stayed."

Pat nodded silently as their visitor took a seat on their bunk. She looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Was Trip's fear right? Do you find it difficult to deal with it, now that you're faced with the fact and not just a theoretical concept?" she heard Anna ask outright, and was frightened by the blunt approach of her partner. After all, Vulcans were said to be much stronger than humans, and she was speaking to the ship's first officer, no less.

To her relief the Vulcan's reply was level, if hesitant.

"It is not the fact that you and Charles... ," and Pat's heart skipped a beat when the Vulcan was suddenly looking at her. Her eyes had no malice in them, in fact they looked almost pleading. "Ms. McIlway, since your situation is not unlike mine – Have you ever felt guilty because you could not care for all your mate's needs and had to ask someone else for help?"

"E-every time," she surprised herself by admitting openly, and looked down in embarrassment. She cast a careful glance at Anna, as that was a topic she had not even discussed with her own partner before, but somehow the words kept just coming. "For me it's not even as bad as for you. I would only have to overcome my aversion to certain practices. From what little Anna has told me, you would be in grave danger if you tried."

The Vulcan nodded her confirmation. Pat could see that Anna was quite shocked by her admission, but she couldn't help herself. Her hands jammed between her thighs, the words just kept gushing out in relief at having finally met someone who could perhaps understand her.

"Today was the first time I didn't pace the room like a caged animal, knowing that Anna was with a man. You need to know, we have no secrets. I knew that she was going to seduce Commander Tucker before she left to do so. At first, when we were just starting to live together, I thought it was better not to know it, but, you know, even if the truth is uncomfortable – and sometimes even painful – nothing is as bad as the thoughts you make up in your own mind."

"What was different today?" the commander asked.

"Your commander Tucker was the difference," Pat said feeling a shy smile cross her features. "Commander Tucker is intelligent, caring and has been a friend of Anna for a long time. For the first time I knew she wouldn't come back disappointed, and believe me, she wasn't. And he is the one person I trust to be able to handle such a delicate arrangement. If I may say so, when the day comes for you, and I hope that will be sooner, rather than later, even if that means I'll have to worry a bit more again, you'll have the right partner in every aspect."

"Roger that," she heard Anna agree, though she was obviously speaking around a lump in her throat. Her partner had obviously been quite moved. Although if that was because of her admission, or stemming from the fact that she'd spoken more than in the last three months combined, was hard to tell.

"It was not my intention to bring discontent to your relationship," the Vulcan started to apologize and Pat surprised herself yet again when she silenced none other than the ship's first officer with a wave of her hand.

nd.

"You didn't, Commander. In fact you somehow made me talk more than I ever have since I was three. Our feeling of guilt is misplaced, but we can't get rid of it. You'll just have to learn to deal with it, just as I did."

"I understand your logic," the Vulcan agreed. "Yet I find myself unable to find out how."

"As a practical measure, just talk about it," Pat said, amazed how easy she suddenly found it to talk. "Even if it feels weird, talk openly about things. It's awfully convenient to say 'I don't wanna know the details', but trust me the details you make up in your mind are usually much worse than the reality of it. And since we're in a similar situation, feel free to drop by whenever you feel a need to talk. Since you are the only person beside Anna I seem to be able to converse with without getting tongue-tied, there's no danger of me telling anyone."

She finished her monologue with another shy almost-smile that made her heart jump when it got her a teary, but very proud smile from Anna.

"And if I may add a suggestion of my own," her better half jumped in. "Trip was practically gushing today when he told me that you had hugged him last night. I think that made his day more than anything I had to offer. If it doesn't get you into trouble with that bat-shit crazy High Command of yours, sometimes it's the little things that make much more impact."

"Anna," Pat whispered about her beloved's language. It had not been the first time that Anna had run roughshod over decorum lately.

"Oh, and strictly secret among us choir girls," her partner continued undeterred, and Pat had to cover her mouth seeing Anna's very mischievous grin. "You better make sure you come good on your promise about the 'very interesting subject' for his photography one day. I'll gladly help him hone his skills, but his masterpiece should be something special."

Pat lost the fight and doubled over. The guffaws just wouldn't stop.

T'Pol walked along the corridor, returning from her conversation with Lieutenant Hess and her mate. Why everyone thought that Ensign McIlway was socially inept to the point of being almost mute did not readily appear logical.

The conversation had not necessarily solved the problems that troubled her mind, but knowing there was someone she could convene with for advice made a stark difference. Now it was a matter of combining the advice of Lieutenant Hess and her beloved to undo the injustice she had done to Charles by letting him live in the erroneous belief that his actions had caused her emotional turmoil. When she arrived at his quarters, she steeled herself and pressed the button.

"Come," Trip said morosely when the door chime sounded, and dumped the last remnants of fluid in the bottle down his throat. Thankfully this was the only bottle he had had so far, because, even if it was Jon, nobody could accuse him of breaking the relaxed booze rules. Truth be told, however, he felt very much like getting utterly shitfaced to forget about this unholy mess at least for an hour or two.