Chapter 4

I looked at Charlie and Nicki and said, "What happened? What did you say?"

Charlie said, "We were just kidding about you two sleeping together."

Nicki said, "Karen is pretty strait-laced about her reputation and got mad. I will talk to her. You guys go and eat."

I sat on a bench and just wanted to cry. "Charlie, that was really hurtful. You knew I don't date and that I had been watching Karen from a distance. I was so happy last night and now she's gone." I put my head in my hands and did cry. I heard Charlie say that he was sorry. I said, "I am, too. I should have known better than to think it was real." Charlie made to sit down next to me. I said, "Charlie, go away. You've done enough this morning. Just let me be for now. I feel betrayed." After a moment, Charlie left.

I sat there on the bench and bawled.

It must have been an hour later. A female voice gruffly said, "May I join you, Brad?"

I didn't look up. I was no longer crying but was sunk in my misery. "I don't own it. No one usually wants to sit with me though." My head was still bent over into my hands.

The person reached over to my upper arm but I shrugged them away. I said, "I'm sorry. I'm not very entertaining this morning. I'm hurting and I don't know what I did. Just let me be. I'll be back to being everybody's joke tomorrow."

The person didn't touch me again. The person didn't leave but sat quietly beside me. I thought they might be crying, too. I just sat on the bench now leaning forward to rest my head in my hands. I really didn't want to face the world or any of the people in it.

She gruffly said, "What happened to you?"

I decided to talk. I didn't think I would feel better but I needed to release some of my hurt. "I met a wonderful girl yesterday and thought my life was turning a corner. Her roommate and mine were with us on the way for breakfast and apparently made some off-color remarks that I didn't even hear. She got mad and left me.

"I now think it was all just another big joke on me. I should have known better than to have hoped for anything else. I need to go to the admin building and drop or change a class. I can't go to that English class again. 'She' will be there and I can't bear to see her. It hurts too much." I started crying again. I felt foolish and immature but I guess, when we really hurt, we return to our childhood and that immaturity.

The person said, "Then don't look up because she's here." I looked up and over at her next to me. She said, "Brad, don't shut me out. At least let me say that I'm sorry. I really hope you will forgive me and hold me again."

I looked at her tear-streaked face. She said, "Brad, I did something really stupid. I left you when 'we' should have left the others. I have enjoyed our time together and want more of it. We did nothing wrong and our friends have apologized to us both. I reacted wrongly and truly wronged you in the process. Please, Brad, I want you with me. Don't drop the class. We work well together and I want us to share our future, not just the class and the story. I want us to write a story in life of us. Stay with me, Brad."

I looked at her and said, "I didn't leave."

She said, "I know," and began crying again.

I continued even though I realized I was lashing out, "So we get together until the next time someone kids or harasses you about being with me. Karen, if you weren't embarrassed to be with me in the first place, maybe you wouldn't have left me this morning. I'll not wait for the next time. Even I have limits as to the hurts I will accept."

She looked at me through her tears and said, "Brad, I will never leave you again. Please, please, let me back. Let's not kick each other."

I didn't know what to do or say. My heart wanted to pull her into my arms while my head said it was only a matter of time before she left me again. Finally, I told her, "Karen, I haven't kicked at anyone except maybe Charlie. I will work with you on our English project. You betrayed my trust. I learned a very harsh lesson. I don't want another. If I let you come back to me now, I will just be waiting for you to leave again. It takes only an instant to betray trust but time to rebuild it.

"I will see you in class in, " I looked at my watch, "in thirty minutes. I'm going to my room to clean up. This hasn't been a good morning." I stood up carefully and walked to my dorm. I entered my room and grabbed a towel. Going into the bathroom, I washed my face and combed my hair. I had missed one class but it and I would survive. I grabbed my notebooks for English and Math as well as my math textbook. I slowly left for the English class as I put my face together. My mind still said that she wouldn't stick around and I didn't want that hurt again.

English class went off without a hitch. Professor Lee looked at each description and thesis statement quickly as she collected them. She said, "I am impressed so far. I am looking forward to some interesting stories. I like the science fiction angle though the names aren't very original, Miss Monroe and Mister Gilman. They will do, however." She smiled and then critiqued a few others by name also. On the whole, she was positive for all of us.

When the class was over, I left for math without a word to Karen. We had a pop quiz in math that I aced. I was in a better mood as I thought about lunch. Entering the dining hall, I saw Charlie but ignored him. I put food on my tray, paid, and found a seat in a corner by myself. I had only been there moments when Karen and Nicki sat, one on each side of me. Karen had a tray but Nicki did not. Nicki said, "Brad, I apologize to you for my words. I didn't mean to cause tragedy for you and Karen. I've listened to her talk about you for months. Please give her another chance. Hate me. I deserve it."

I swallowed the bite in my mouth. "Nicki, I don't hate anyone. I'm disappointed in our roommates who would sabotage a relationship that each of you knew we had wanted. But that's okay. I learned a harsh lesson this morning about trust." I turned back to my food and ate without looking up. Karen said nothing but, when I glanced her way, I could see tears in her eyes. I finished eating and stood.

Karen said, "Brad, would you listen to an explanation of my reaction this morning? Or do other people's feelings no longer matter to you?" Her expression looked hurt but a little bit angry, too.

I had always prided myself on being honest and caring about other people. I had to listen to her. I sat back down and said, "Okay, talk."

"Thank you. Not here. I don't like baring my soul in public. Please come with me." I nodded slowly and guardedly. She rose and we took our trays for disposal. She had eaten very little. She held her hand to me but I ignored it. I just followed her. She went into her dorm and then to and into her dorm room. Nicki wasn't there.

She said, "Sit down." I looked and picked a chair. She sat on the bed moderately close to me.

"Brad, I told you that I never had a boy friend before. That's true. I told you I have never kissed a guy like I have you. That's also true, very true. However, I have had one date. A basketball player in my high school asked me out. We were both seniors. He took me to a movie."