Chapter 1: All American Heroes and Villains

I awoke on the ground, dead leaves in my face, my memories muddled but quickly clearing. I had been riding in my personal tank, through the Portal of the Ancients. Only a few hours earlier, we had discovered the true origins of the ancient Aztec gods and were moving to take possession of their power, as was our right as conquerors. Then ... something happened?

I had passed out upon reaching the portal and ended up here.

Pushing myself upright, it seemed that I was alone. I could see nothing of our army or vehicles as I slowly stood up near the edge of a rather scraggly forest, not far from a lake. Off to my left was a fairly large two story house, from which emerged two women.

Looking at the women, I wondered if I had indeed reached the home of the old gods. At least that might explain why one of them was at least seven feet tall with green skin and hair. In other company, I might have described the other, white-skinned woman as tall, but she seemed dwarfed by the green giantess. They both had long, dark hair and waved at me as they approached.

I heard a moan coming from behind me and quickly glanced back. I easily recognized Zarana lying prone a few yards behind me -- after all, no one else in the entire organization had bright pink hair -- and at least one other a few feet behind her.

"Welcome, sisters," said one of the approaching women.

I whirled back around and the green one spoke. A different voice, so I suppose the white-skinned one had spoken first. "If you're all okay, we have food and a couple explanatory pamphlets back in the house..."

Their eyes strayed down a little from my face and their stances became more wary. I looked down to find that I had unconsciously drawn my weapon. It's just a habit, I suppose. One that keeps me alive.

"Where are we?" I asked sharply. "Is this the land of the Ancients?"

"I guess we don't have to wonder whether or not they're friendly. Alpha, any idea who they are?" asked the green one.

The other woman made no response, but instead brought up her arms, revealing shiny, metal armbands as her sleeves fell back slightly.

"Who is Alpha? Answer my questions!" I demanded, slightly confused.

They ignored my queries and seemed to be muttering to each other ... or not to each other, but to someone unseen. An observer conversing over a radio, I assumed.

"Baroness? ... G.I. Joe? ... Isn't there a movie coming out... ?"

"Vat do you know of G.I. Joe?" I asked harshly, my anger causing my accent to show a bit more than I like.

The green one responded in a less than respectful manner, saying, "Not much. All I know is it's an old, really bad, kids' cartoon."

"Cartoon? You vill show some respect!"

The smart thing to do would be to keep them for questioning and possible use as hostages, but my anger and the confusing situation got the better of me.

The first thing wrong I noticed about my blaster was that I couldn't see the actual laser pulse. As I fired, it should have fired a bolt of light and heat through the air, causing each woman to fly back to the ground, their corpses landing dead before me. Instead a small circle of red blinked on the green one's undamaged shirt as I pulled the trigger, then with my second trigger pull, a scattered red reflection showed on the other's metal bracers as she moved to intercept. She was certainly faster than I had ever imagined a human could be.

Then the green one was moving almost as quickly, and I didn't have long to consider what had happened to my sidearm as I found myself flying back through the air, my trajectory interrupted by a rather large tree.

I awoke again, this time in a good deal of pain.

I was mostly naked, having been stripped down to my matching black bra and panties, with one arm handcuffed to the arm of the heavy metal chair I was sitting in. A quick test showed that neither the cuff nor the chair's arm would be easily broken.

To my left was Zarana, similarly stripped and handcuffed to a second chair -- though Zarana was topless, clad only in her plain, white, unattractive panties -- and to my right was another woman -- this one with short, badly-cut blonde hair -- who seemed vaguely familiar, clad only in a plain white bra and panties.

Upon closer examination, all three chairs appeared to be bolted to the floor. They were part of a line of five chairs, all made of metal or strong-looking wood, and two other lines of chairs were set up behind us.

"Vat's going on? Who are zose people? Vere are ve?" I demanded, my accent again coming through strongly.

"Stick a cork in it, Sheila," snapped Zarana with her usual rude lack of respect. "If you hadn't shot at them, we'd probably be in a lot better situation."

I knew for a fact that Zarana could speak convincingly using over a dozen different English and American accents, so why did she constantly pretend to be Australian? To annoy me and get under my skin, of course. The only counter was to ignore it.

"And vat vas wrong vit my gun?"

"Ummm ... ma'am? Baroness, ma'am?" At least the other woman was respectful, but I was in no mood to be kind.

"Who are you? You look familiar, but..."

"Cadet Demming, ma'am. I've been training under Tomax and Xamot. I've ... they gave us a couple pamphlets that I've been reading. We're on a different version of Earth. Apparently they have people arrive from other dimensions regularly." She awkwardly turned the page in a small pamphlet she held in her free hand. "Here we go. One new arrival or set of arrivals every 2.3 weeks on average."

I regained enough control to calm my voice. "So if we came to this other Earth by going through the Portal of the Ancients, what happened to everyone else?"

"Oh, it's a women-only portal."

"Vemen only?"

"Oh, not the Portal of the Ancients. Well, not as far as I know, but the arrival portals here -- apparently there's another one about ninety miles from here -- only women ever come through the portals on this side. Women and some pets, they say. I think our men and equipment might have made it through the other portal ... the other side of the Ancient's Portal, like they planned. But that's just speculation on my part."

"But zat doesn't make sense ... and vere are ve on zis Earth?"

"Texas. Somewhere outside of Dallas-Fort Worth."

"Texas? And this Earth has green-skinned women?"

"I ... I don't know, ma'am. She wasn't ... isn't ... a normal woman, whatever she is. Neither of them are. I think that's why they were guarding the portal. Oh, and they have robots too."

Again testing the handcuff and chair strength and again calming myself and regaining control over my accent, I asked, "Robots? Never mind. How long was I out? And where are our weapons? And clothes?"

"Over an hour, at the very least," answered Zarana. I noticed she also had the two pamphlets, though she was sitting on hers. "They stripped all three of us because when they searched you for weapons, they kept finding knives and all sorts of goodies tucked all over the place. I was seriously impressed. I'm surprised you didn't clink when you walked." Impressed or not, Zarana's opinion mattered not the slightest.

A door opened somewhere, and we heard part of an ongoing conversation.

" ... problem. Alpha says you're probably trustworthy. We had to handcuff them after the bondage chick tried to laser us."

"That would be the Baroness," said a second, depressingly familiar, voice. "Anastasia someone."

"Cisarovna, I think," said an even more depressingly familiar voice. "Though she's had a few different aliases. My favorite was 'DeCobray', which always sounded made-up to me. Who were the others?"

"One has pink hair. Said her name was Z-something."

"Zarana, I'd guess," said one of the familiar voices.

"That's going to be a little confusing. We already have a Zatanna. The third says her name is Cadet Demming?"

A pause, then, "I got nothin'," and "Not a clue."

Finally, the door to our room opened, and in stepped our two captors, followed by Scarlett and Lady Jaye.

We all stared at each other for a moment before Lady Jaye broke the silence.

"Well, shit. I just lost twenty bucks."

"Huh?" queried Scarlett, looking for clarification.

"A while back, I bet Flint that Baroness' rack only looked that big because of her outfit," she laughed, staring openly at my magnificent 38DD bosom.

"Which brings up the question of why they're in their underwear," said Scarlett, turning to look at our shorter, white-skinned captor. (Shorter being a relative term, since both of our captors were taller than either Joe.)

"Once we found the seventh weapon hidden in her clothes, we deemed it wise to just strip her down. Since it's just us women at the moment, I was more concerned with safety than their modesty."

"Fair enough," agreed Scarlett. "I'd like to take custody of them and head back through the portal, if you have no objections."

"That will be a problem."

The green-skinned one quickly spoke up again. "It's not that we have any objections to you leaving with them in custody, but ... well, we kinda got side-tracked when we tried to bring this up before. The portals here are one-way."

"One way?"

"Yup, exit only. We have no way to send you back. Heck, I've been stuck here myself for over a year. Diana's been here for a lot longer, off and on."

'Diana'. Finally a name to go with one of our captors, the more normal looking, caucasian one apparently.

"Off and on?" asked Lady Jaye. "So you were able to go back home?"

"Mine is ... was ... a special situation, which has since expired," explained Diana. "The only method to leave this world that we know of is for someone on another world to remotely bring you back. I made a few trips back home, but now my home is ... it is no longer there. Or rather, it is no longer the same world I came from. It is a very long story."

"Does that mean there's no one there who can help us get back home?" persisted Scarlett, obviously distressed.

"Oh, I'm sure there are people in my home dimension who could help us leave, but we have no way of contacting them. Plus they don't know I even exist. Or, to be more technically accurate, they know that their version of me exists, but they don't know that there's another version of me here ... but..." She paused briefly to sigh. "Again, it is a long story."

"Here," said the green one, handing pamphlets to both Scarlett and Lady Jaye. "These will cover the basics of your situation. We can answer more questions, or at least try to, after you read them. You gals hungry?"

At the thought, my own stomach growled. For some reason, I was famished.

Actually..." began Scarlett.

"Now that you mention it..." added Lady Jaye, putting a hand to her stomach. "Yeah, I could definitely devour a sandwich or two. Might not want to make the offer to Jinx though, poor girl." Raising her voice and calling back to the other side of the door, she yelled, "Jinx, honey? You all right?"

A faint response drifted into the room. "No! My stomach is trying to abandon my body!"

"Drink some water!" suggested Diana loudly. Then more quietly, directing her comments to the people in the room, she said, "It's pretty unusual for someone to have such a bad reaction to the portal, but not unprecedented. I only know of two other women who had problems like that."

"Hmmm ... one of the vampires ... the blonde one," muttered Diana, apparently thinking aloud.

"Vampire?" exclaimed the Joes in unison.

"Well, that's what she and her companions claimed," answered Diana. "Whatever she might have been in her home world, she's just a normal human here."

"Which one?" asked the green-skinned one.

"Which one what?"

"Which blonde vampire? The secretary airhead with the half-demon sister or the one who died a few times?"

"I think they both died a few times. Do you mean the one that needed CPR after she arrived here?"

"I heard about that, but I don't remember which one needed it. The one I'm talking about is the other one who came with the crazy psychic ex-vampire friend."

"They both came with crazy friends. One of them believes her mother is the devil. Try to tell me that isn't crazy."

"True. You know, I guess it doesn't really matter. One of the vampires ... former vampires ... got sick from the dimensional travel. Who else?"

Diana answered the green one, saying, "I think Darla was the name of the one that was sick. Also, one of Rainbow Brite's crew spent over an hour in the bathroom after they arrived. Come to think of it, she's not completely stable either, but that's neither here nor there."

"Rainbow ... Brite?" asked Lady Jaye incredulously.

"Oh yeah, you can meet her later. Them." said the green one. "Rainbow Brite was an old kids cartoon. We think that's who they are, or at least who they used to be. For some reason, they won't admit or deny it; they just laugh when we ask them. She goes by 'Britney Rain'. Either way, they're all middle-aged now, not much like the cartoon, though they kept in pretty good shape. I think one of them used to be a guy, actually."

"Wouldn't that violate the women-only nature of the portal, or is the portal not based on ... I mean, I'd expect any such ... filter? ... to go off of chromosomes," questioned Lady Jaye.

"Apparently her genes were magically altered to make her female at some point, but the medical scan says she didn't get an actual womb or ovaries when she grew her tits and lost her dick, so she's just weirdly stuck being mostly female, but not entirely. Vagina but no cervix or womb, is what I heard," said the green one, apparently enjoying such trivial and extremely confusing gossip. "On the other hand, I doubt she has to deal with periods or menopause, which would be a huge plus."

"Jennifer," said Diana, addressing the green one, "let's get our guests some food. Then we can discuss their situation."

"Forget about zem!" I barked, losing my patience. "You must serve us first. And remove zese ridiculous handcuffs."

"Lady," said Jennifer, speaking to me with no respect at all. "The first thing you did when you arrived was try to shoot me. The cuffs stay on. But I will go get you some food and water."

"That's quite a shiner," said Scarlett, looking at me intently.

No mirror was in view for me to be able to take in my appearance, but as she commented, I could suddenly feel part of my face begin to throb. Perhaps I was too distracted before to feel it.

"Yeah," Jennifer answered. "Good thing I remembered to pull my punch, or I could have killed her. I tend to get upset when people shoot lasers at me. We checked her out ... hmm, forgive the phrasing there ... we examined her, medically speaking. She'll be fine."

Welcome Pamphlet #1: Your Situation

Greetings and welcome, dimensional travelers! It is rare for someone to intentionally travel to this world, so we have put together a set of the most common questions and answers newcomers tend to ask.

WHAT HAPPENED? You have traveled between dimensions and arrived at an alternate version of Earth.

WHERE AM I? Either in Fort Worth or just west of the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex in Texas, the United States, North America, Planet Earth. We call this world "Earth Prime Two" or "Frank's World". Earth Prime is a bit of an in-joke due to some similarities to a version of Earth in a different known set of dimensions. "Frank's World" is a reference to our host; we discuss him more below.

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? At the time of printing, twenty-one different methods of dimensional travel have been used to come here, which means that if you don't already know the method of travel yourself, we are not likely to be able to help answer this question beyond just guessing.

WHY ISN'T (fill-in-the-blank) WORKING? Whether you have super-science devices or magical superpowers, there is a good chance that they either aren't working at all or are only working at a reduced level. The laws of physics in this universe are almost certainly not the same as the universe you came from, and since you are now here, you are now subject to these new laws.

HOW DO I GET HOME? The answer to this question ties in with the previous one. As yet, we have been unable to develop any method of dimensional travel from this universe. Once you are here, you are probably going to be stuck here.

YOU SAID PROBABLY. DOES THAT MEAN THERE'S A CHANCE? First, we don't know everything, let alone the future. Anything is possible. Second, the ONLY method we currently know of that can allow someone in this universe to travel to another one is for someone in another universe to remotely enable such travel. If a would-be rescuer comes here, they're as trapped as everyone else, so the retrieval would have to be done entirely from another universe where the laws of physics allow such things.

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY WOMEN? The population of this world is generally divided pretty evenly between male and female, but the portals appear to only allow females through, with some exceptions for pets of either gender.

PORTALS, PLURAL? Yes. We currently know of two different portals, approximately 96 miles from each other. One exits by Possum Kingdom Lake, which is west of Fort Worth. One is in the entry hallway to Frank's home in Fort Worth.

WHO IS THIS FRANK YOU KEEP MENTIONING? It will take a while to cover that, so here's a quick summary. He is a rich inventor and native to this Earth. He has been hosting stranded dimensional travelers since they first began arriving, providing them with food, shelter, identity papers, jobs and even college educations if needed...

"Rich and resourceful," muttered the Baroness as she looked up from the first pamphlet. Looking over at her two fellow captives, she whispered, "Given our current situation, ve might need to seduce this Frank to gain a foothold while ve are trapped here."

"We don't even know what he looks like," complained Zarana. "For all we know, he's a wrinkly old goat."

"It's all right," reassured Cadet Demming. "I've been training for things like that, if needed. It almost doesn't matter what he looks like; power and money by themselves are powerful aphrodisiacs."

"True," agreed the Baroness. "I have yet to see my darling Destro's face, but his ruthlessness alone can draw me to him."

"I am a bit worried about the bit where it talks about how his time is rationed, though."

"Rationed time? Vhat?"

"Umm ... page three of the first Welcoming pamphlet. Near the bottom. Second-to-the-last paragraph."

Before she could read the text, the door to their room opened again, admitting all three Joes, along with both of their hosts.

Baroness knew little about Jinx, having never met her in person. She was dressed as a martial artist, and appeared to have Japanese ancestry. At the moment, she didn't look very intimidating, perhaps due to her unhealthy pallor.

Jinx nodded at the three handcuffed women and moved to sit down in another chair near the doorway.

"Hey," she said to the other women. "Is Zarana supposed to be uncuffed?"

All eyes immediately turned to the pink-haired Dreadnok, who quickly raised both hands in surrender, obviously free of her handcuff.

"Hey, hey. It's all right," she said soothingly. "I just don't like being handcuffed, that's all. And the locks were pretty simple."

"Qvickly!" Baroness ordered. "Free us!"

"I ain't in your chain of command, Shelia. Besides ... where are we gonna go? If they're tellin' the truth, we're stuck here and might not be able to get home. I ain't gonna run off til I at least have the lay of the land."

Diana shrugged. "You never tried to shoot us, so I'm okay with that for the moment. We're here because we're ready for a conference call with Frank."

"He is the rich inventor in zee pamphlet who ... vat is his part in all of zis?" asked the Baroness, forcing her angry gaze away from Zarana.

"He has been the host and guide to us since Kara's first arrival," explained Diana. "He owns both this property and the mansion where the other portal exits. He and Alpha, his computer, provide us with identity papers, jobs, room and board, even college educations for those that need it. Oh, sorry. I guess I don't need to just quote the flier. I apologize for him not being here in person, but since the increased arrival numbers over the past couple years, the demands on his time have become rather severe."

While Diana spoke, Jennifer turned on a huge TV screen attached to the inner wall, then closed the curtains to block out the sunlight.

"All right, Alpha," said Diana out loud, "we're ready when Frank is."

A voice spoke from speakers built into the ceiling. "I estimate he will be ready in less than a minute."

"Good. Any news from home?"

"The East Wing is still on schedule to be ready in twelve days, though Jane has warned that if we want properly decorated rooms, we'll have to allow her a minimum of three additional months. Given the rate of new arrivals, I think it is likely we will fill up the wing, room by room, as they are furnished and decorated, though I doubt we will be able to allow Jane the time she wants for full decoration."

"No kidding," agreed Jennifer. "They still debating whether or not to turn one level into a high security area?"

"The discussion is ongoing, though I should point out ... Pardon me, but Frank is ready."

The screen came to life, showing a youngish man sitting side-by-side with a middle-aged, short-haired blonde woman with a truly magnificent chest.

"Hello, there. My name is Frank, and I'd like to welcome you all to ... to..." He covered his eyes with one hand. "Umm ... I'm not trying to be a prude, but why is she ... Zarana? ... naked?"

"Oh! Sorry. We kinda of got distracted and forgot," said Jennifer quickly. "Be right back."

"Sorry, Frank," said Diana as Jennifer ran from the room. "We had to strip them down since they were carrying too many weapons. She wasn't wearing a bra at the time, and since it was just us women, it wasn't a priority. Even so, apparently we didn't search her well enough, since she was able to pick the lock on her handcuff."

As for her, Zarana had quickly covered her bare breasts with both arms. Without getting up, she leaned behind the Baroness, over towards the oft-forgotten cadet and whispered, "At least he isn't a wrinkly, old goat."

Demming didn't respond, though she did suppress a giggle.

With his hand still covering his eyes, on the screen Frank said, "You know I can hear you, right?"

"Oops," said Zarana with a grin, not looking embarrassed at all.

A moment later, Jennifer re-entered the room and threw a t-shirt to Zarana, who quickly pulled it on. True, the t-shirt was much too tight and the shape of her erect nipples could clearly be seen through the fabric, but she was once again clothed. Well, yes, clothed only in a Texas Rangers t-shirt and plain white panties, but still clothed.

Without anyone audibly telling him she was decent(ish), Frank put his vision-blocking hand down.

The short-haired blonde next to him opened her mouth, at which point Frank instantly held up a finger.

"Don't even say a word!"

The blonde grinned and sat back a little, closing her mouth.

"All right, so ... introductions. My name is Frank. The lady sitting next to me is Kara. And I'm certain you've already met Diana and Jennifer."

Scarlett stepped forward. "I am under the impression you already know who we are, but ... uhhh ... I'm Scarlett. This is Lady Jaye and Jinx. We're members of a special task force in our world called G. I. Joe. The ladies sitting down over there are..."

"Ve can introduce ourselves!" The Baroness made a visible effort to calm herself, also bringing her accent under control. "I am called the Baroness. The pink-haired lady is Zarana, and on my other side is Cadet Demming."

"Then we offer welcome to both the representatives of G.I. Joe and Cobra..."

Zarana interrupted. "Hey, I ain't part of Cobra! I'm..."

"Yes, I know," he said. "Dreadlocks."

"Dreadnoks!"

"Oh, sorry. Right. But you're associated with Cobra enough for my generalization. And, to be upfront, people from organizations who want to take over the world tend to be less welcome than others."

"Ze world is plunging toward chaos and self-destruction. If ze strong don't guide it, zen ve are complicit in its demise."

"We can argue your justifications or philosophies another time. At the moment, I have a few more pressing questions. First ... one more time, why are you all in your underwear?"

Welcome Pamphlet #2(B): Your Future

If you have been given this version of the second pamphlet, the odds are that you are considered to be a threat or risk. This might mean that you are a supervillain bent on world domination, a monster that preys on humans or a garden-variety criminal. If you honestly believe that you do not belong in this category, you may appeal (see below).

Regardless of your history, physical makeup or psychological bent, most individuals who have been categorized as a threat or risk will have fewer options available to them and will be under heightened observation and greater restrictions, up to and including physical restraint and the disabling of any non-human powers or abilities.

Below, we discuss the basics of your situation, as well as what steps might be taken which will curtail your freedoms. We also discuss rehabilitation and levels of freedom which can be earned. But it is not all bad: Even if you have been in jail before, trust us, even the worst offenders will still be afforded greater luxury, benefits and accommodations than any jail you are likely to have even heard of, let alone experienced.

REQUIRED IMPLANT: While there are a variety of implants which can be customized to meet the need at hand, ALL individuals who have been deemed a threat and/or risk are required to have a standard implant which can render you unconscious or immobile as needed.

We are sorry for the need for this implant, but it is required to maintain a safe environment. There is no pain associated with this implant, either with the initial implantation or use. If and when you are ever able to return home, it can be removed and your body restored.

Please note that any successful attempt to disable the implant will result in a default state of full-body paralysis. They are designed so that if it goes offline, so do the nerve connections to which it is attached.

APPEALS: The most basic and most easily accessed appeal available is Alpha, the artificial intelligence created by Frank which monitors and runs the estate. Alpha is pretty much everywhere, always watching and listening...

After the video link was closed, Frank sat back, closing his eyes and using one hand to rub them.

"So, does this significantly change any of our average numbers?"

Alpha's voice, coming from his computer speakers, replied, "Not really. While two associated sets of three new arrivals in one day is uncommon, it is not uncommon enough to change things very much. When rounded off, we still have an average of eight new arrivals per month for the past seven months. I would surmise that these numbers should be expected for the foreseeable future."

He sighed. "We can't keep up with it. Once the new wing is open, relieving the current overcrowding will immediately fill it up halfway full."

"Thirty-five percent," corrected Alpha, "though a simple rule forbidding single occupancy would reduce that to ten percent."

"Still bad enough so that if we keep getting large groups, in a few months or so, we'll have to start packing people in like before."

"At least it gives us time," Kara said soothingly. "And even at our worst, we only had about three ... three-and-a-half people per room on average." She moved her chair behind Frank's and began massaging his shoulders. "What if we went ahead and bought one of the apartment complexes nearby?"

"And just evict everyone who's living there now?" Frank asked. "No, thank you. I'm hoping the new wing will give us enough time to build the new house at the second location ... or third, if you count the lake house ... but it sounds like it probably won't." He let his head fall forward, reveling in the massage.

"Perhaps not," Alpha replied. "We could always adjust our target buildings at the new location to a series of smaller homes instead of the single large mansion, but our security concerns would greatly increase if we did so."

"I think we need to stick with the basic plan we already have, but maybe we could cut back on the 'poshness'."

"We could alter it so it more closely resembles an apartment building," suggested Alpha.