Chapter 4

The library they were in began to shake. It started off as a tremor that grew substantially. In no time did the shaking lead to a full out earthquake. Books from the shelves were falling to the ground as a result from the violent shaking. Even the computers fell off the desks, crashing on impact. All the windows broke simultaneously, sending chards of glass to the ground. The bookshelves themselves were toppling over. The noise from the earthquake and things crashing all around only grew louder.

James immediately freaked out. He stood up quickly, looking around to see where they could go to escape the danger. The exit to the library was already blocked off by fallen debris. Lisa just sat there. She looked as if she was sitting there comfortably. In fact, she leaned back on her chair with her hands resting behind her head. Without talking to Lisa, James scurried under the table. The earthquake was getting worse. James curled up into a fetal position covering his head with his hands. He closed his eyes and waited for the violent earthquake to stop.

"What's going on!?" James screamed. He knew Lisa wasn't able to hear him because even he couldn't hear himself through the loud noise. It sounded like buildings were being torn down everywhere around him. He felt the impact of what James thought was debris hitting the ground. The table James was hiding under wouldn't hold out much longer if big chunks of rubble kept hitting it. At this point, James was waiting to be crushed like an insignificant bug.

The whole thing seems so real that James forgot he was dreaming. After what seemed like an eternity, everything stopped. Literally, every single thing had stopped. The earthquake stopped. The impact from fallen objects stopped. Nothing else could be heard. It was as if someone had turned the earthquake switch off. James didn't realize that the earthquake halted for a while. He thought if he opened his eyes, the earthquake would return.

He opened one eye first. Then the other. He thought someone was flashing a light at his face. Something bright was shining at him. It wasn't until James stopped squinting and opened his eyes wide did he realize it wasn't a bright light. It was nothing. A big white nothing.

James slowly crawled out from under the table and stood up to look at the new environment. Everywhere he looked, there was nothing to be seen. It was all white. Vast amount of white beyond the eyes could see. He looked up to see more whiteness. He couldn't even see where the ground was. It rattled James because it looked as if he was floating in a sea of white. He took a few steps forward to test if the ground was still there. When James was sure he was not going to freefall, he put his arms down and relaxed. The area reminded him of the scene form the The Matrix where Neo and Morpheus are in the loading screen.

Where was he, James thought?

"You couldn't even save me the chair, huh?"

James turned around instantly to see Lisa on her back. Her arms and legs were spread apart on the ground. She began to move her arms and legs simultaneously on the floor as if she was making snow angels.

"That's okay," Lisa continued, "Just a little warning next time, if that's okay."

"What happened?" James asked.

"Well, when the chair disappeared, I fell to the ground. Even though gravity is here, it's not really here. But I still fell down nonetheless."

"No, I mean what happened here? How did we get here? What happened to the library?"

"What just happened, my friend, was a step forward. I'm fine by the way. Thanks for asking."

Ignoring her sarcasm, James continued to ask his questions. "Step forward? What do you mean?"

"I mean we're making progress. You couldn't do this before. Leaving the library was your way of harnessing that untouched part of your brain. This is very good news! It wasn't pretty, but it's still good news."

Lisa continued on with her snow angels.

"So what does this mean then? Why is everything just ... empty?"

This made Lisa put a halt to her snow angels. She stood up to face James, wiping off any debris that was on her jeans.

"It may not have been the cleanest transition, but you're still learning, so it's okay. Although what just happened was very important, you still have a lot to learn. The reason everything looks 'empty, ' is because we're stuck in transition."

"Transition?" James questioned.

"Yes sir." Lisa stuck her hands in her pockets walking up to James slowly. "You were starting to change your environment for another one. It's a very important step when having a lucid dream."

"I thought you said I wasn't dreaming? Something about being in 'planes'?"

"True, but the real act of dreaming is being able to control them. People's definition of dreams aren't even aware they are having them until they wake up. You were about to dream of something else until you stopped halfway through."

"Why? How? I mean, I didn't mean to. It just scared the shit out of me, is all."

"It's okay, James. Like I said, this is progress. It may be a small step, but at least it's in the right direction."

Lisa walked passed James, going nowhere in particular.

"So, now what?" James asked Lisa. He kept his eyes on her as she casually strolled.

"Nothing. Yet. It's up to you really. You need to finish the transition."

"How do I do that?"

Lisa did a 180-degree turn to face James.

"Do you remember what happened right before the transition started?" Lisa asked.

James tried to recall the moment before the violent earthquake. He remembered she was explaining what he had researched at the library. She told him about how he was on the brink of tapping into the subconscious mind through sleep. And that she was here to help him fulfill his dark desires. It was at that time, James confessed he wanted to rape Lisa Collins. Not a second after he said that did the whole library began to shake.

Could admitting his desire to rape Lisa be the trigger to this "transition," James thought?

"That's exactly right." Lisa said. James looked at Lisa with the same confused look. "You know how they say admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery? Well, I'm here to tell you that admitting you have a gift is the first step to greatness."

"You mean being able to have lucid dreams and talk to my subconscious?"

She shook her head.

"No, not that. That goes without saying. No, your actual true gift. You may not think it's a gift, but in time you will. It all starts with that."

"What?"

She pointed at James' head. Lisa walked up to James, still pointing at his head. When she was close enough, she tapped on his head with her index finger.

"This is the most powerful tool you have. Everyone has it. But you and I are the lucky few who are going to use its full purpose."

James' expression changed to a serious one. He was still having a hard time believing everything she was saying. This whole experience was incredible. But what made it exciting to James was how extremely satisfying it was to admit his craving to defile Lisa Collins to someone. Albeit, his subconscious may look like her, but James quickly regarded her as a completely different person. It was him, after all. His subconscious taking the form of someone he has been obsessed with for a while now. It made some sense why his subconscious would take her form. She's the only woman on his mind.

James pushed away Lisa's hand from his forehead.

"Okay, fine. Say that I believe you. If you're going to help me, I have to call you something else. You're not the Lisa Collins I know. Not in my reality. Better yet, can you change into someone else, please?"

"First off, I know you believe me. Don't pretend you're still skeptical. Second, I told you I can't help whose form I take. Your mind gave me this look. But I suppose you can call me something else if you like."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

James wasn't ready for that. He very much wanted to change the identity of his subconscious. Its image of Lisa was perverting James' vision of her. Yet, he can't imagine calling her anything else. His subconscious noticed he was having a hard time coming up with a name. So she took it upon herself to help him.

"How about... 'Asil'?" his subconscious suggested.

"'Asil'?" James asked questioningly. "Why that?"

"It's 'Lisa' spelled backwards."

"No, I get that. But why do it that way? It sounds like I'm calling you 'A Seal'"

"Well, I dug around in your head for a bit, and according to you, this is a name you would feel comfortable and logical with."

James thought about it. He wanted to say it was stupid, but he had to admit he wasn't a very creative guy. She knew he would agree to it because it was something he would have thought of eventually. She just did it a little quicker than he did.

"Okay, whatever. If you want me to call you 'Asil, ' I'll call you 'Asil'." James agreed.

"Hey, you're the one who came up with it!" Asil smirked. This was going to take some getting used to, James thought.

"Right. So now how do we get out of here?" James asked Asil.

"It's up to you. You need to create a new environment. At the same time, you need to harness your true potential if you want to get anywhere. Kinda like life." She said with a smile.

"Can I ask why you're like this? I'm pretty sure there is no side of me that's outgoing or full of positive optimism?" James had been curious about this for some time. Although he never hung out with Lisa, he knew she didn't act like this. Asil's personality was suppose to be a portrayal of James. But what part was that?

"How do you know? You've been a shell most of your life. You could've been a completely different person."

"Wait, what? No. That's not my fault."

"No?"

"No." James said, with absolutely no assurance in his voice.

"You could've stood up for yourself. You could've been somebody. You could've been a contender!" James wasn't amused by her knowledge of movie quips.

"And do what? Fight? I don't know how to fight. And look at me. Anybody can kick my ass!" James yelled. He was quickly getting agitated. Asil saw this and changed the subject. She knew this wasn't the right time to tackle this "sensitive" subject.

"If you want to get out of here, you need to be honest with yourself. Just like you did a second ago when you admitted your dark secret."

"Why? Why is that so important?" James asked.

"Because you've been hiding from your true self for such a long time. You've become nothing but a shadow of your true potential. You have a calling that's unique like no other. Everyone has it. And you are fortunate enough to unlock a part of your mind to begin the process of redemption."

"You mean you? I've unlocked you. Is that what your saying?"

"Yes!" Asil walked up to James placing her hands on his shoulders. "I really am here to help you. Right now, there is only so much I can do. You need to take that leap of faith and trust me to guide you to becoming the person you've only fantasized about."

"I never really thought about that. What I wanted to be."

"Sure you have," Asil encouraged. "You just thought it was 'wrong'."

James knew what she was talking about. He would have countless fantasies about using women for his own depravity. At first, he thought no woman would ever be willing to comply with his special needs. Hell, he couldn't even get a girl to like him at all, James thought. James joked about how if any man wanted to do all these sick games to women, the man would have to force them, whether they liked it or not.

It was around this time James searched online for ways to convince any girl to play along with his games (That's if he ever gets a girl in the first place). That's when he stumbled on erotica involving nonconsensual sex. The more he read this type of literature, the wilder his imagination had become. The thought of doing certain things to non-consenting women was very arousing for James. It was even better than watching porn.

James relied on this particular reading for the best kind of sexual release. He would imagine himself as the character taking advantage of the fictional women in the stories. James told himself if he ever had an opportunity to go through some of the material in the stories he read, he wouldn't hesitate to take it.

"This is what's happening now. An opportunity," James realized. James' train of thought was interrupted when he noticed something from afar. It was far into the white nothingness, but it was some kind of object. James couldn't tell if it had always been there. He completely forgot about Asil, and started walking towards the far away object. Asil let him go without saying a word. She had a satisfying smile on her as James walked away from her.

James concentrated on the object, walking towards it. He kept walking towards the object's direction for a few minutes before realizing, he wasn't getting any closer. It was as if the object was moving away from him as he approached it. James picked up the pace before going into a slow jog.

Even the jog didn't seem to do the trick. The object still wasn't getting any closer. James wasn't very athletic. The slow jog itself tired him out quickly. Despite this, James went for a full run. It only lasted for 20 seconds before he stopped to catch his breath. He bent down with his hands on his waist, taking in deep breaths. He looked up once to see the object was still far away. He looked back down to focus on his breathing. When James was more relaxed, he looked up once more only to see Asil's back to him. She had her arms crossed and was looking at the mystery object too.

James looked behind him in perplexity before turning back to Asil.

"How did you get here? Were you running with me?" James asked, in the final stages of catching his breath.

"What do you think that is over there?" Asil asked, ignoring James' own questions. He thought she almost sounded genuine.

"You don't know?" James asked. He straightened back up walking to stand alongside Asil.

"I honestly don't. It popped up around the same time you realized you have an opportunity of a lifetime."

James thought about how he was able to trigger something in his environment when he spoke out loud about his deep, dark secrets. There may be something to it. Even with this realization, James felt a little uncomfortable saying all the things he had fantasized in secrecy after all these years.

"I never said out loud the fantasies I've had. I've never told anyone." James looked over at Asil. "Well, I guess technically I still haven't. This is the definitely the closest I've ever come to telling someone."

Asil smiled at James.

"You need to be honest with yourself first. It's no one else's business unless you want them to know." Asil placed her hand on James' shoulder for comfort.

"Thanks," James acknowledged. "But you have to admit, this is something I can't tell anyone. A therapist maybe, but, even then, I wouldn't want to."

"Why not?" Asil asked.

"Besides the fact it would be extremely awkward? I don't know. It's not that I'm afraid they won't help. I'm more afraid a therapist will actually help me."

"What do you mean?" Asil humored James. She knew everything James was thinking, but James frequently forgets Asil's ability to read his mind. It didn't bother her. She figures if she pretended to be curious and unaware, James' process will go a lot quicker.

"I mean ... I mean I don't want to be helped. I don't want to be 'fixed'. To me, that means I admit that I am broken. I'm not. I'm just ... different."

James momentarily forgot about the mysterious object. He looked away to see Asil's reaction. She was happy James was confiding in her. It wasn't until Asil nudged him to look back at the mystery object, did James notice it was a lot closer now. James' eyes widened and realized, in certainty, what he has to do to reach this object. The object looked to be half a football field away from them. It was still small, but when James squinted, he thought it looked like a door. If it was, it was all black. He needed to get closer to know for sure. Then again, he needed it to come closer to them.

"I know that I'm different. I've always known for a long time. The way I see people isn't normal. I know that. I shut myself off from them. From society. Because it had never treated me fairly. I've been an outcast before I even had a chance."

James didn't fully know where these words were coming from. It felt natural coming out of his mouth. It was as if he wanted to say all this for such a long time. It was building up in him for so long, that it started spilling out without giving it much thought.

"I want to show them that I am special. That I am worth a damn. When I do, I'm not going to be their friend. I'm going to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. I want to hurt them, like they hurt me. Make them suffer, like I've suffered."

The object was slowly getting closer to where James and Asil were. He began to walk closer as he continued on with his "enlightenment." Asil stayed behind letting James come to terms with his situation. Her face showed excitement as he spoke.

"I know who I am. I know what I am. In my heart of hearts, I knew some day I would do the things I've only dreamed about. But with you," James stopped walking. He turned around to face Asil. Before he turned to face Asil, the object was barely a stone's throw away. "I can do all the things I've fantasized about without facing any of the consequences. I know this now."

Asil looked at James with confidence. She looked at him for a few seconds before motioning with her head for James to look behind him.

James turned around to see the object right behind him. It spooked James a little since it was still quite a ways away before he had its back to it. It was a door. There was nothing special about it. There were no designs on it. It was a solid black door with a simple golden doorknob. He walked behind it to see there was nothing else there. James assumed it would take him to another dimension as soon he walked through it.

He was hesitant to open it. Something about the door made him uneasy. He didn't know what to expect once he opened it. Asil had to motivate him to open it.

"Well? Aren't you gonna open it?" She asked.

"I don't know. What's gonna happen if I do?"

"Maybe you should open it to find out?" Asil suggested.

"Sounds like you already know," James implied.

"I have a good idea. I think it's something you need to see for yourself."

James felt a little assured nothing bad was going to happen if he went through the door. He took a look around to see if there was anything else he might have missed. There was nothing else. There was nothing but an empty white space surrounding them. It seems the only way out of this unsettling environment was to go through the mystery door that appeared from literally nowhere.

James reached for the doorknob. He grasped his hand on the knob. He gave it a turn until it could turn no more. He pulled the door open, slowly. James took a small peek to see what was through the door. After peeking in, James was no longer hesitant to open the door. He opened it wide.

With the door open, James saw inside the same empty white space they were already in. A look of confusion swept James' face. He took a step forward to pop his head in the door, still keeping both feet inside. James peered around to see nothing. James was even more confused. He slowly walked through the doorway until he was completely inside.