Chapter 4

On the way to the courthouse, Pippa kept teasing me that I would have probably at least two or three mistresses by the time that this was done in addition to my wife. Far from acting jealous, she seemed to delight in the idea, but then again, this was the same girl who wanted me to collar her (which reminded me to get that Master-slave contract hammered out). She was deliciously kinky, much like me, and a far better fit for me as a spouse and primary partner in life than Felicia, that much was clear.

Felicia honestly seemed to care most about money, status, and things like that. Pippa cared most about serving her man, pleasing me, and earning my favor. The contrast was like night and day, and didn’t bode well for Felicia at all, especially once she learned that I had a wife. She was gonna blow her stack when she learned of this, I just knew it. Mom would probably flip a lid, too, but she wouldn’t tear me a new asshole. Felicia’s mother, however, just might. Too bad. Felicia had her chance and she destroyed it. Now, it was another woman’s turn.

As for Dad? Who cared? He was an okay guy in most things, and I understood why he burned Mom the way that he did, but what he did to Karen was unforgivable in my book. You don’t take your anger and hatred out on an innocent child. He was good to me, and for that, I’d always love him and be grateful, but due to what he did to my sister, I couldn’t like him too much. It was always a tough conflict to sort out in my heart and mind, between appreciation of the great father that he was to me, and disgust at the horrific way that he mistreated a girl who never did him any wrong.

Speaking of Karen, I called her immediately when I got to the courthouse, and she instantly wanted to speak to Pippa. I didn’t even hesitate. I trusted my sister more than anyone else and I never thought of her as merely a “half-sister.” No, Karen was my baby sister, even though she was a grown, married woman with kids of her own. I would always love and protect her, and if she wanted to speak to Pippa, it was for one reason only: she was looking out for her brother for a change.

“I told her that she’d better treat you well. She swore to every God that I heard of and some that I hadn’t that she would. No, literally, she did! You treat her well, too, Armie. This is a good one, a lot better than that cunt Felicia! She deserves your love, protection, and such. I know it in my bones. But don’t drop Felicia automatically. I’d love to see some turnabout in your relationship with her, something like her becoming your plaything or fuck toy or something. That would be poetic justice, if you ask me.

“Anyway, I’ll gladly witness your wedding, but I have a favor to ask, too. I want ... to crash for a bit. I know that’s a lot to ask with you having a new bride, but if you go on honeymoon, you won’t even notice me there for a while. By the time that you do, well, hey ... you’ll be glad that I’m there, even though I’ll have kids around. I’ll always make sure that they behave and don’t breach your privacy at all.

“I just ... I had to leave Dick. I couldn’t take it anymore. I will explain later, if you wish, but he screwed it up one time too many and I couldn’t keep pretending to love him. I certainly can’t trust him. He’s definitely no you, that much is clear,” my sister pleaded with me.

“Aw, sis, you know that I can’t refuse you. I’ll explain it to Pippa and trust that she understands,” I answered Karen.

“I do understand,” Pippa whispered in my ear, “She’s your sister and you’re the sweetest man alive, just taking her in like this. And I’ve wanted to fuck a man more in my life than I do right now. Any bloke who’ll take in his sister after she fucks up royally in picking men like that, he’s a stand-up guy. Come on, love. Let’s get hitched.”

I grinned as I heard Karen add her parting shot, “Well, dear brother, once again, you’ve come to my rescue. Know that if you ever need me for anything, anything at all, I’ll never let you down. Ever. You’re a lifesaver. Perhaps literally in this case.”

“Love you, too, sis. Just come to my wedding, both this one and the formal one later, and we’ll call it even,” I chuckled, trying not to make too much of her offer, but it stuck in my mind.

“What, can’t I be in on your sting with Felicia? Pretty please? Pippa hasn’t told me details, but I’d love to fuck her over for how she’s treated you,” Karen pleaded with me in her “baby girl” voice, which always worked like a charm with me, “I won’t get the kids involved at all, I swear it.”

“Okay, sis. You can be in on that. We can explain it to you later, girl. You know, once you’re divorced from Dick, but not before, I’ll make you a rich woman. I’ve already decided that. Dick’s gonna kick himself for letting you go, on that and other accounts. Can’t do it before, because I refuse to have any of my gift to you going to paying his sorry ass alimony, and I’m not taking any chances on how that gift will be considered in terms of marital vs. individual property. Anyway, Pippa’s eager to get that license, so I’ll keep in touch. Gotta go. Hugs and kisses, baby sister,” I told my sweet sister.

“Hugs and kisses, big brother!” Karen hung up, the tears in her voice unmistakable.

“Come on, lover,” I took Pippa’s hand and we walked toward the county clerk’s office, where we needed to go for the marriage license.

The civil servant who met us at the clerk’s office was some kind of registrar, of course, and she had plenty of paperwork for us, which we filled out. I learned that normally blood tests were required for even a quick marriage, but luckily, she was able to patch me through to the county clerk himself once she learned who I was. Between my identity and my lawyer’s efforts, the blood test was deferred or waived, or whatever legal terminology Allen chose to use at the time.

Half an hour later, I walked out of the clerk’s office with a marriage license that had both my name and that of my intended, Ms. Pippa Magill of Bristol, England. Steph and Allen brought none other than Karen over to meet me, and then a surprise. Seems that Mom had been tipped off, as she had visited Karen right after she hung up with me. Karen’s four kids by Dick were there as well, little monsters that they were, quite adorable in fact. Even Dad planned to show up, but first he had to charm Rabbi Albert Gould into doing the service in the synagogue on Shabbos.

“Guess that we’re getting a temple service, after all, dear. So much for keeping it small and quiet,” I teased Pippa, who blushed and beamed, even as Mom surprised us by hugging both Karen and Pippa very tight.

“No wonder you’re reluctant to marry Felicia. You found this one today, and I can already tell that she’s a keeper. It was just today, wasn’t it? This was a very recent thing, wasn’t it?” Mom asked me directly, cornering me.

“Yep, very new. It’s just that we met over the phone first, when she answered the call for her job, and it was ... what the French call ‘coup de foudre.’ That sort of love,” I explained to her.

“The thunderclap. You talked to her, never even saw her face, and you were smitten. Wow ... that’s just not like you, Armie! You’re normally so cynical. I love it! My hard-nose, jaded son, falling in love over the phone with a complete stranger! I’m so happy for both of you! Forget everything that I ever said about trying to work it out with Felicia, if you wish! This one’s a winner! Even if she is a goy!” Mom hugged us all over again, tears coming to her face, “and here I feared that my screw-ups would ruin your love life for good, would scar and scare you too much for a healthy, loving marriage.”

“Oh, don’t worry about Felicia, Mum. If you don’t mind me calling you, ‘Mum,’ that is. We’ll take care of her, one way or the other,” Pippa told Mom, taking her back a little, even as we waited for confirmation from Rabbi Gould that the way was clear to a temple wedding.

“I can see that you really did pick a winner. I can only guess what this girl has in mind for your girlfriend, but it won’t be pretty. I like her already! Yes, dear, it would please me a lot if you called me ‘Mum.’ Wow, I’m getting a British daughter-in-law! Maybe you can teach me how to make a proper Yorkshire pudding some time. I’ve always struggled with that,” Mom confessed as she hugged Pippa yet again.

“Sorry if I let Mom in on it, bro, but she really seemed ready to turn over a new leaf with me, and it just spilled out in the midst of her tearful apologies, regrets, etc. Even ... Mr. Stern, your father, he seems ashamed of how he treated me, for once. He actually told her to tell me that he regrets being so cruel and mean to me over the years.

“I reminded him that while he hurt me, he also kept a roof over my head, kept me fed, and kept me out of foster care, where I might well have suffered worse than anything that he did or didn’t do to me. I told him thanks for that part,” Karen told me as we hugged and posed for a family photo, our first that included Pippa and Karen (she had been banned in the past from family pictures).

I could see the tears in Karen’s ears as she looked at the old-fashioned Polaroid instant film photo, one that Allen took because he loved those cameras. It was corny, perhaps, but it was the first time that Karen had been included in that kind of thing with us, with her family that should have included her all along. She wasn’t being treated like a little Mamzer anymore. She was being treated as kith and kin, as she should be, and with Pippa, there was no distance from the outset. Pippa wasn’t going to think of Karen as anything other than my sister, her very own sister-in-law, nothing less.

“Can I keep this one, please?” Karen begged Allen, who happily handed her the photo for her own keeping.

“Sure, sweetie. You’ve had a long, hard road to being given the love and respect that you deserve, but I do believe that you have it now. Any sister of Armie’s a sister of mine, and don’t you forget it. He’s like a brother to me. We were in the Guard together and we had some rough times together, battling natural disasters and looting and whatnot. And if you ever need any help with your divorce from what’s his face, let me know,” Allen assured her.

“I just might, thank you. Do you know a good divorce lawyer?” Karen took the offer.

“Thea Petronas. Nice Greek girl on the surface, but a real hammer in court. They call her the Maiden Fair, because she’s dirty blonde and saving herself for marriage. Sharp as a tack. She’ll have Dick’s heart cut out and served to him on a platter, along with his ass. Some call her the Iron Maiden, too, but you didn’t hear that from me,” Allen stopped his gossip when Steph shot him a withering look, as if to say, “Hey, we’re here to celebrate marriage, not divorce.”

“Good to know. I can wait until after the wedding to get her number, Allen. Thank you. Sorry for bringing that up while we’re discussing your nuptials, guys,” Karen thanked Allen and apologized to Pippa and me.

“No harm, no foul. I want my sister’s interests looked after, don’t I?” I assured her with a hug and a grin at Allen.

“What he said. If you’re worth his protecting, then you’re worth MY protecting, too,” Pippa kissed Karen on the cheek.

“See, already becoming a proper family and circling the wagons, as you should,” Mom declared, even as her phone beeped with the incoming call from Dad, “I should get this.”

Mom started listening, nodded, responded with a few comments, and then said, “Thank you, Jacob. Seriously, thank you. And for taking me back all those years ago. I didn’t deserve it. I haven’t deserved you in a long time. But you’ve given me yourself back all over again. Sure, you went nuclear with the revenge, but you took me back in the end. Thank you for trying to make amends with Karen. That was the only thing that you did that I didn’t approve, really, hurting my daughter. With any luck, she might still come to think of you as her father, let you be grandfather to her kids.”

I didn’t hear Dad’s response, but it must have touched him, as it did Mom, because she was in tears when she hung up with him. The important thing for now was that we were cleared for the wedding, and whatever God existed, whether Hashem or someone else, he had cleared the road for me to move on with my life with Pippa. Maybe someone really was looking out for me up there, after all. Stranger things had already happened.