90: Reformation

I had some serious misgivings about the new show, and they came from several different directions. The first was just the concept of me as a talk show host. I wasn't naturally funny like Elaine was. I wasn't a trained actor. Like Elaine was. I wasn't a writer. Like Elaine was. Everything I wasn't screamed at me that I was a fool for trying to present myself as a fun or funny talk show host. I was just me. Plain, boring me. I couldn't imagine that young women everywhere were waiting for a guy like me.

I wasn't sure that I could continue on my master's degree if I launched this. The more we talked and brainstormed, the more it looked like there was no way I'd make classes this fall. Just as Elaine had been having problems lately getting audiences to come all the way out to the studio, it would be even harder to get the breadth of audience that would be needed for my show and not have them look just alike or look like we were producing a show about IU. Rhonda already had plans to tour Elaine's show around the fricking country this year! This was going to tear our family up.

I had no confidence that I had more than one show worth of material. I mean, once you stand up and say "Guys! Play nice!" what else can you say? I could probably talk about the agreement for an hour or two—once—but it wasn't supposed to be just about me talking. I was supposed to have guests to interview.

Then there was the issue of Young Cooking. The triplets had opened their café for limited hours as soon as we finished taping at the end of June. The Heartthrob Café wasn't drawing hundreds of people, but they were doing a steady breakfast business. We were still essentially a rural community, even though Bloomington was only seven miles away. I think the girls had to thank Marshall Jacobs and Isaac Schmidt, Maribelle's father, for bringing most of their business in. The farmers in the area were up and in the field by five. Several of them started coming in for coffee at eight. Coffee often turned into breakfast. The thing was, I didn't know who was going to take over the cooking segment on the show.

And Rhonda and Samantha weren't going to be my producers. They had a huge amount of work to do on Chick Chat, not the least of which was creating a travel schedule. Maggie and Jess, who were definitely a couple now, were having to add people to Redress and expand where they were taping. It looked like they'd be doing a European tour this season. I was going to end up with a whole new team.

I guess I felt a little bit of a sense of betrayal, too. Like I was betraying my fellow man by revealing our man secrets to women. I knew it was silly. At least I thought so. But was I really going to give women even more hints on how to control their men and reform them into what their ideal was? Guys weren't that bad, were they?

Sure, I'd dealt with the John Smiths and Wayne Enders of the world. And Tommy Westerling, Rhonda's abusive boyfriend. And Lester Hawkins, who killed Denise. And the Kowalski twins who tried to rape Joanne. And Kirby Moore, whose gang beat me. And Chad Brown, Renee's asshole boyfriend in high school. And...

Crap! It seemed like all the guys I dealt with were either the guys who were part of our clan and were people I'd go the limit for or the ones who were far out on the other end of the bell curve. There were good guys that I met in school. The front five and the first five. The guys who had helped on the school board campaign. Even most of the guys who were in theater when I got roped into doing that. Maybe they weren't as far on my end of the bell curve as Donna described them, but there were also basically decent guys who were on the other side of the bell. They were just a little clueless, like the Carson twins who had been Lexi's first conquest. Basically okay guys. They just had the social skills of termites. Maybe those were the guys that would be affected by their girlfriends in the future and actually become men.

Before I could deal with any of that, I needed to deal with Nicki. And Liz. They'd come back from their road trip with their own ideas of what a perfect union would be.

"Le père says that we can have the ceremony at the Freemasons' Lodge in Indianapolis. The auditorium is big enough for everyone. It seats 600. Liz, of course, will be my maid of honor. I plan to have my Jobies as attendants, so you'll need sixteen guys in addition to your best man. Rose, of course, will conduct the ceremony, but she'll be flanked by the Grand Master of the Indiana Freemasons and the Worthy Grand Matron of Eastern Star. I've thought about having the Grand Bethel Honored Queen, but that's just too pretentious," Nicki said. We'd just made love and I asked about a date for our handfasting. She was off like a shot and I was lost.

"All these events have to start on the half-hour so the clock is ascending, and preferably in the morning for the same reason. It's symbolic of our relationship being on the rise. So, eleven-thirty is the time I've set. I will not get up early enough to go to a nine-thirty ritual. That means that there will be a banquet following, rather than just a reception. There will be like a thousand presents to open and then the dance will begin at six with an open buffet and open bar at seven. That gives us an hour or so between events to run to our hotel and fuck like bunnies before we change clothes and go to the reception. Of course, there are obligatory dances during which I have to have every man there dance with me and stuff money in my bra like a Saturday night stripper, but we'll probably clear about ten grand. If we fly straight from Indy to Miami, early Sunday morning, we'll be on the cruise ship well before it sails at three. Then two weeks in the Bahamas before we'll come back to our own little home in the village. I figure if we can get invitations sent out before September, we can have the ceremony in June. It's a little tight, but I'll convince mother."

I just stared at her with my mouth open.

"Nicki? It sounds like you are planning a wedding. We were talking about a handfasting like with my other cónyuge. I never said anything about a wedding."

"What? You're not going to marry me? Brian! You've had your penis in my vagina! What kind of girl do you think I am?"

"Ni ... Ni ... Nicki..." I knew my mouth was opening and closing but no other words were coming out. Shit! I just knew she was going to go ballistic. How could I possibly defuse this? Shit! What have I gotten myself into?

Nicki started laughing.

In a couple seconds, she was laughing so hard I was afraid she'd be sick. And I heard an echo from the bathroom. Liz came stumbling out, doubled over with laughter.

"Oh my god! I thought he was going to have a heart attack and we'd have to explain to everyone why they were widows!" Liz coughed. "That was perfect!"

"Could you see the expression on his face?" Nicki howled. "You couldn't from the bathroom. And watching you break up didn't help me keep a straight face, bitch."

"You mean ... that was all ... just to ... You have a mean streak, Nicki."

She came over toward me and held my head against her rose tattoo. I sighed. Liz came to the other side and cuddled up to me.

"I just want to keep you reminded that I have a sense of humor, Brian," Nicki giggled. "How about if we have a bonfire this weekend and have Rose work her magic thread around our wrists? Just our casa. And my parents and your parents. Would that work?" I kissed her deeply. I was about to roll over on her and make love again, but she pushed me off. "It hasn't been used in a while and that last pounding made it a little sore, lover," she said. "How about if you tend to Liz's needs now. I need to go upstairs and entertain my hearthmates with the story." She pushed herself out of bed and left the master suite without bothering to dress. Who could have imagined this when I met the crazy little goth girl back as juniors in high school?

I sat facing Liz. It was where she wanted me. Our feet were spread to the side and were touching. I had a clear view up her tufted pussy. I could see the moisture gathering around her lips as they blossomed open.

"Do you remember? I wanted to see if you still had the same effect on me now that you had when we were fourteen. Eight years, Brian. We had our seven minutes in my bed. Only it turned out to be longer than that. If you had been just a little pushy, we'd have a seven-year-old baby by now." She sighed. I was hard as a rock just looking at her. It wasn't just that she was holding her pussy open, but as she talked to me she absently stroked her own body. Occasionally, a hand would caress her inner thigh, traveling upward until it nearly touched her open lips. Again a hand would softly caress her tiny breasts and pinch a nipple. Liz still had the smallest breasts of all my cónyuge save Whitney. She was still lean and trim with a thin waist and flaring hips. I salivated, anticipating the taste of her pussy.

"I love you, Liz."

"Enough to plant that little baby in my tummy now?" she asked. "Brian, I love you. I've told you before, but I'll tell you again. I am with you for as long as you will have me. I love my hearthmates. I'm not sexual with them, though sometimes a girl caresses a breast or kisses my back while we're making love. Girls just don't have the attraction for me that your cock has. But I love them all. I want them to help me raise our child. Maybe children. Will you come to me and start one now, Brian? I am open. I am willing. I am waiting."

I'd known this point was coming. Liz told me months ago that she wanted to start a baby and was separating from sexual activity with anyone else. She didn't just want a baby, she wanted our baby. It was time. I shifted my legs under me and crawled toward her. She spread her legs further. I bent to kiss her, careful not to touch my cock to her yet.

"Yes," I whispered. "We are going to have beautiful children." I pushed forward and Liz guided my cock into her hot center. For the first time, we were connected without protection. And we made love.

We had a lovely little ceremony in front of a late night bonfire Saturday night. By ten o'clock in the evening, the temperature had cooled from the mid-eighties to the low seventies. We still protected ourselves against mosquitoes, but in spite of the morning fog, we hadn't had rain for a couple weeks. The latest new creation Leonard had come up with was a sleeveless gi with short pants. We were all comfortable. Nicki and I wore white shorts with green jackets to the fire. There were more people mixing colors now, too. Many of our hearthmates wore pastel summer weight gis. Unlike the 'pajamas' we'd introduced Roz to last summer, these had no built in liners to substitute for underwear and the views of my hearthmates were tantalizing. I was slightly uncomfortable that I had just as good a view of my mother, Anna, and Ariel Duval. I finally decided to just relax and enjoy it. It was obvious that Dad, Jean, and Josh all were.

Rose tied the red thread around our wrists and whispered her blessing. We kissed and broke the thread, which Nicki quickly caught and wrapped around her wrist. Liz helped tie it. Dani stepped up and removed my green gi. Rhonda slipped a summer weight red gi over my shoulders and Samantha belted it. At the same time, Liz took Nicki's green gi. Nicki looked even more beautiful in the firelight with her rose tattoo against her fair skin. Dani slipped her red gi on and Josh tied her belt. I pulled Nicki into my arms and kissed her.

"I love you, my cónyuge," she whispered.

Liz started her period Monday and was sad that she wasn't pregnant yet. But she just smiled and said we'd have to try some more. I didn't mind that.

First, I had to deal with my new writers, Chuck and Frankie Curtis. We'd only met for about five minutes at the Brown commencement, so I had no idea how the meeting would go or what we'd be working on. For the better part of a week, they just followed me around. Everywhere. It took a little while to get used to each other, but since they were staying in a guest room with us, they were quickly integrated into the flow of things.

Thursday morning, I was up at 4:30 to bake. I wanted fresh bread and it looked like the weather was finally breaking. It was down in the mid-sixties the night before and we had a huge thunderstorm that quit only a few minutes before.

"Doctor Z is pretty insistent that I need to stick with the curriculum for one more semester," I said. I was just talking to Rhonda like I did every morning. I had no idea if she was coming downstairs with me or not. "They're important classes. He suggests that I take the next semester and write my MS thesis. I don't have to be in any classes. I enroll in Telecom 800 and that is the last credit I need. It's just writing the thesis. That would mean I could start doing the show in January. Frankly, I think we need that much time to get a team together and get comfortable with each other. Just getting used to Chuck and Frankie has taken some doing. I need a producer, director, coordinator, cameramen ... in addition to the writers. And I still don't know if the writers will be any use to me." I punched down the bread and set it aside before starting my cake batter. This was Dani's birthday. And Debbie's and Dolly's, of course. Bart and Sylvia would be in for the weekend starting that night as well.

"What I'm most worried about, though, doesn't have anything to do with schedules or personnel or talent. I'm worried about us, honey. If I'm traveling and you are traveling, we'll never see each other. I won't see Sam or Elaine or Nicki. I miss you already. I know you are only expecting to travel every other week, but when I start, you and Rose have both suggested that I'll need to be on the road every week. It will seem strange to only be here at the ranch on weekends. I mean, that's why I decided to go into media instead of chemistry. I wanted to be here with everyone. Seems to defeat the purpose. There is nothing more important to me than being with you and the rest of my family. I don't want to miss any more of Matthew's growing up. Or Xan's or C-Rae's. Granted, Matt and C-Rae have a whole extra family and Doug is with them, but ... I don't know what I'll do if I can't see Xan every day. She signed 'father' this week. She can't make a word with her mouth yet, but she signed to me. That's what I can't figure out about the show I'm supposed to do. I don't understand how the guys I'm supposed to help along can even have a different priority than making their girlfriends happy and loving their kids. I just don't get it."

I turned around and faced Chuck and Frankie. They were sitting naked at the counter and both had paper and pens. From the look of their yellow legal pads, they'd been taking notes.

"Uh ... Hi. None of that was for publication, you know," I said. "It's just something I do in the morning."

"Rhonda told us," Chuck said. "This isn't for publication. It's so we can really get to know who you are and what makes you tick. We want anything we write to be genuinely from you."

"Oh. I guess that's good. I didn't realize you'd be down here or I'd have put on clothes."

"That wouldn't be you," Frankie said. "So we figured we'd just try to blend in." Blend in? Frankie was seriously cute and I didn't really want to spring a boner in front of her husband. "We know it takes some getting used to." She pushed herself away from the counter and stood up a few feet away so I could get a full look at her. Then she slowly turned around to show me everything. Chuck didn't notice me staring. He was too taken with his wife. "We know—well Nicki and Rose explained to us—that normal reactions to seeing someone nude for the first few dozen times were, well, normal. God knows Chuck has sprung a boner every time one of the ladies has walked by. I understand that you and Josh will have the same reactions. I'm not offended and I've been getting the benefit of Chuck's arousal, so I have no reason to be jealous."