Chapter 6: Lost and Found

All day long, Robert had been kept busy. There really wasn't much time to contemplate his situation. When Dr. Koch had offered him that lifeline, he grabbed onto it with both hands and the events of the day were a blur from that point on. Towards the evening, however, things began to slow down. As the evening wore on, Robert retreated into himself more and more. There was polite, if somewhat stilted conversation over dinner. Robert was pleased to note that Mae was an excellent cook, It wasn't fancy fare; ham and baked potatoes with green beans with a salad. Robert noted that the green beans had been cooked southern style, which meant that there were bits of bacon and onion dispersed throughout and the whole affair had been boiled until not a nutrient was left standing. The pecan pie was the best Robert had ever tasted on two planets. Still, there was an awkwardness at the table and the hours before bedtime while Ben, Katherine, and Robert tried to establish a rhythm that the three could settle into. After an hour, Ben retreated from the awkwardness excusing himself to go into his study and dictate patient notes. Katherine asked Robert if he wanted to watch television. After all, what thirteen year old isn't into television? The answer to that is, one who's seen all of it before ... several times in fact when you account for reruns.

"I'm afraid we haven't much reading material suitable for a young teenager." Katherine apologized.

"What do you have?", asked Robert.

He was shown to the library which house several leatherbound volumes of classical literature; testament to Katherine's major in college. Robert selected 'Moby Dick'. Katherine started to say something to the effect that a thirteen year old boy might find that particular volume too difficult. But she stopped herself when she realized that Robert wasn't any normal thirteen year old boy.

Robert went to bed that night with the book in his hand and a hollow feeling deep inside. He wasn't able to put his finger on why, but it felt as if a part of his soul was missing ... like something he didn't even know existed before now had been ripped away from him and, now that it was gone, he'd never be able to feel whole again unless it was restored. And the maddening thing was, he couldn't even begin to try to find a way to restore it until he could identify what it was. He felt lost.

Then it dawned on him, "I have no connection to these people. I have no connection with anyone in this universe." Oh sure, he had access to the memories of the consciousness that had previously occupied this body and he even had the feelings that were associated with those memories. When he accessed the memories of this body's parents, he felt sadness for their loss ... but it wasn't HIS sadness. It was someone else's.

The people in this house with him, the people in the hospital, Mason ... for that matter everyone on this planet or universe ... even the guardian of this universe didn't exist to him until a little over twenty-four hours ago. And everything that did exist for him, his wife, his children, HIS parents, his friends, his planet and his universe weren't just far away, they were in a different dimension altogether.

"They might as well have never existed.", thought Robert. And now he felt more lost than ever before because he'd identified that part of him that had been torn away but getting it back was hopeless. A sick feeling slowly began to creep over him, he'd made a horrible mistake by coming here. Sleep was slow in coming.When it did, Robert dreamt of his previous life.

He dreamt of his wife waking up the next morning to find his body cold next to her. He witnessed her grief and watched her call all of their children one by one. He saw his neighbors standing outside, respectfully watching as his body, zipped up in a bag, was wheeled out to a hearse that came from the mortuary where he and Sherry had purchased pre-paid burial plans. He witnessed his family and closest friends sitting around in his living room munching on cookies and cakes that those neighbors had brought over with expressions of their sympathy. He listened to favorite stories his wife, his children, and his friends related. It was a bittersweet experience for Robert.

"You are loved." Robert heard the voice of the guardian in his head.

"You mean I was loved." Robert replied.

"No. I mean you are loved. You are loved still there, and you will be loved as much, if not more here. There is much in store for you, if you will only allow it to happen"

"I feel like I don't belong here"

"I promise you that is a temporary feeling. Focus on making connections with people in this life. You should also start training your body physically. Make it your own."

"I thought it was my own."

"It is, and it isn't. Do you recall the conversation you had about energy?"

"Yes."

"There is the energy that is your consciousness and the energy that is your body. The energy that is your body is not self-aware and yet, it is organized and complex enough that everything acts as one. When you prick your finger, your entire body will act to protect that tiny damaged portion. It recognizes your consciousness as its master and will act in a way it senses will serve you."

"You mean I can just think it and my body will do it?"

"Doesn't that happen now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean if you wish a glass of water, don't you visualize yourself getting some water and your body starts to put that visualization into action?"

"Yeah but that's a conscious decision on my part. My body doesn't just take over and do that."

"Doesn't it? Are you consciously sending demands to your legs to get you up and carry you into the kitchen? Do you consciously tell your arms and hands to open the cabinet? Get a glass? Turn on the faucet?"

"Yeah but that's just..."

"Muscle memory." The guardian interrupted. "The energy that is any body acts to serve the consciousness that manages it. In a sense, the energy that is a body tunes itself to the consciousness that manages it. Twenty-four hours ago, it was tuned to serve the consciousness of its previous owner. Now it is starting to tune itself to its new owner, you"

Robert nodded that he understood.

"Your body, however, is different. It is more refined. It will tune itself more easily and completely. You will find that when you undertake to learn a task, especially a physical one, you will master it much more easily. Mental tasks will also be easier because the thought processes and synapses that are formed in your brain while learning will form much easier and more completely. Your body will push itself to serve you. Your training won't be effortless by any means, but you'll find that it will produce results much quicker and much more dramatically.The more you train, the more you will take ownership of this body ... and the quicker that empty hollow feeling you are experiencing will disappear."