Chapter 751

This one is compliments of GEORGE

A backwoods boy shows up at school looking a bit red eyed and out of sorts. About half way through English class he doses off snoring softly.

The teacher seeing this sneaks down the aisle and drops a book right on his desk scaring the crap out of him. Now that she’s got his attention she asks why he’s so sleepy.

He says he’s been up late dressing chickens.

Now the teacher never heard of anybody dressing chickens in the night so she’s a bit suspicious and demands more information.

He says, “Well ma’am it was like this. Something has been getting in our chicken house and killin’ and eatin’ our chickens. Pa has put out traps, patched a hole in the hen house, and even put some poisin in a chicken carcass but whatever it is still keeps killin’ chickens.

“In the middle of last night the chickens was raisin’ a ruckus. Pa jumped out of bed naked and grabbed the old Stevens double barrel that he keeps behind the kitchen door. He was cussin up a storm and woke the whole house. He ran down to the chicken house and dropped to his hands and knees and was trying to peer in the window to see what was in there.

“Me and ma and my 5 brothers all gathered on the porch to watch the show as we was all awake now. We was laughing pretty hard at the sight of pa’s bare white butt shining in the moonlight.

“About that time old Duke, our half deaf, nearly blind, coon hound crawled out from under the porch to see what was happening. He sauntered down to see what pa was up to.

“Pa musta seed something in there cause he had both hammers back and was just pokin’ the gun over the window sill. Right about then old Duke cold nosed him and pa yanked the triggers on both barrels. It were terrible. Feathers all over hell. We was cleaning chickens ‘til 4 AM.”