Jokes and Giggles
Chapter 708

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt

I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they are flashing behind you.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body ... Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-bye.

You’re not over weight; you’re just ... easier to see.


A POEM THAT WAS US

A little house with three bedrooms, One bathroom and one car on the street A mower that you had to push To make the grass look neat.

In the kitchen on the wall We only had one phone, And no need for recording things, Someone was always home.

We only had a living room Where we would congregate, Unless it was at mealtime In the kitchen where we ate.

We had no need for family rooms Or extra rooms to dine. When meeting as a family Those two rooms would work out fine.

We only had one TV set And channels maybe two, But always there was one of them With something worth the view

For snacks we had potato chips That tasted like a chip. And if you wanted flavor There was Lipton’s onion dip.

Store-bought snacks were rare because My mother liked to cook And nothing can compare to snacks In Betty Crocker’s book

Weekends were for family trips Or staying home to play We all did things together – Even go to church to pray.

When we did our weekend trips Depending on the weather, No one stayed at home because We liked to be together

Sometimes we would separate To do things on our own, But we knew where the others were Without our own cell phone

Then there were the movies With your favorite movie star, And nothing can compare To watching movies in your car

Then there were the picnics at the peak of summer season, Pack a lunch and find some trees And never need a reason.

Get a baseball game together With all the friends you know, Have real action playing ball – And no game video.

Remember when the doctor Used to be the family friend, And didn’t need insurance Or a lawyer to defend

The way that he took care of you Or what he had to do, Because he took an oath and strived To do the best for you

Remember going to the store And shopping casually, And when you went to pay for it You used your own money?

Nothing that you had to swipe Or punch in some amount, And remember when the cashier person Had to really count?

The milkman used to go From door to door, And it was just a few cents more Than going to the store.

There was a time when mailed letters Came right to your door, Without a lot of junk mail ads Sent out by every store.

The mailman knew each house by name And knew where it was sent; There were not loads of mail addressed To “present occupant”

There was a time when just one glance Was all that it would take, And you would know the kind of car, The model and the make

They didn’t look like turtles Trying to squeeze out every mile; They were streamlined, white walls, fins And really had some style

One time the music that you played Whenever you would jive, Was from a vinyl, big-holed record Called a forty-five

The record player had a post To keep them all in line And then the records would drop down And play one at a time.

Oh sure, we had our problems then, Just like we do today And always we were striving, Trying for a better way.

Oh, the simple life we lived Still seems like so much fun, How can you explain a game, Just kick the can and run?

And why would boys put baseball cards Between bicycle spokes And for a nickel, red machines Had little bottled Cokes?

This life seemed so much easier Slower in some ways I love the new technology But I sure do miss those days.

So time moves on and so do we And nothing stays the same, But I sure love to reminisce And walk down memory lane.

With all today’s technology We grant that it’s a plus! But it’s fun to look way back and say, HEY LOOK, GUYS, THAT WAS US!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

 
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