Chapter 460

After closing time at the bar, the Newfie was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's up with the big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the Newfie replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the Newfie.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the Newfie replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment...

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,

"Cut it out, you asshole! It's three-fifteen in the morning!"

White Irishman

A skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees

this huge black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown."

The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down, shakes him, and brings him to.

The big guy says, "What is wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy says, "What exactly did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and I figured I would just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me ... I am 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."

"Oh, I thought you said turn around..."