Jokes and Giggles
Chapter 420

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt

This one is compliments of John & Beryl

Marriage or Relationship

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's
then get a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want...
then get a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies
... then get a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores
... then get a dog!

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually...

... then get a dog.

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness...
.
.
.
... then get a cat!

You thought I was gonna say ... marry a man, didn't you?
Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.
Send this to all the men just to annoy them!

You...

... have a GREAT Day!!!

Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones who mind, don't matter.

We don't stop laughing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop laughing.

I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them.


This one is compliments of Sam

There are a few repeats but they are worth a second read

Understanding Engineers #1:

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers #2:

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3:

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if here's anything she can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

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