Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
These are compliments of Jerry
Problems with the new open carry law in Texas:
Yesterday, I went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm for home protection.
When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said,
"Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!!!
I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer.
I still don't think I looked that bad.
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952~
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~