Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Some of this is priceless!
I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like: "I'm tired."
"I'm washing my hair."
"I've got a headache."
"I'm your sister."
A woman in labor is in pain and screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed.
He says, "Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass, but N-O-O-O-O, you said that might hurt!"
I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife.
She was delighted.
I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her.
She was ecstatic.
I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn't thank me enough.
But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes fucking nuts!
Women, I can't figure them out.
A mother-in-law said to her son's wife when their baby was born, "I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son."
The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said, "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy, not a photo-copier."
Dear Dr. Phil:
I was watching my next door neighbor's wife sunbathing top-less from my bedroom window.
As I was jerking off, I turned to notice my wife was just standing there, arms folded ... watching me.
Is she a pervert or what?
A guy gets a call at work from the police telling him that his house had been robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.
A moment of silence passes, then the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!"