Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Sisters Celebrate their 100th Birthday
Twin sisters in an Irish Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa. The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE
SOFA!", said the other. "Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman. Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE."
So they wiggled up close to each other. "Just hold on for a bit longer,
I've got to focus a little," said the photographer. Yet again, "WHAT DID
HE SAY?" "HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS! " With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH LARD JESUS! BOTH OF US????"
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a boat load of people in Ottawa and Washington playing marbles.
Catholic vocabulary test
The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
Your receipt for attending Mass.
A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.
The original 'Jaws' story.
When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)