Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Today's Riddle for Seniors
Here is the situation:
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop-off.
On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping giraffe and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the giraffe.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Think very clearly, carefully, and logically before you scroll down to look for the answer below.
Answer: Quietly get off the merry-go-round and go home.
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a woman a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.
But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"
The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady another drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"
The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
Why I Like Retirement!
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep in the recliner.
Question: How long does it take retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: It might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Very true
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount. Sometime 15%
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?