Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
If you will take the time to read these. I promise you'll come away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered affect us all, on a daily basis:
They're written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so much with so few words ... Enjoy...
I've learned ... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned ... That when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned ... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
I've learned ... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned ... That being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned ... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I've learned ... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
I've learned ... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I've learned ... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I've learned ... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned ... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned ... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned ... That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned ... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned ... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned ... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I 've learned ... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned ... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned ... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned ... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile...
I've learned ... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I've learned ... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
I've learned ... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learned ... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned ... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.
I've learned ... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I've learned ... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned ... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned ... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned ... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
An older lady named Ida was somewhat lonely since her cat died and decided she needed another pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.
He whispered, 'I'M LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY.'
Ida figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her. As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her 'KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY... '!
So, Ida figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.
IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince.
THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED IDA'S KISS. SUDDENLY IDA FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS. NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT IDA TURNED INTO?
COME ON GUESS!
SHE TURNED INTO the first Holiday Inn SHE COULD FIND!!!
She's old ... NOT DEAD!!!!!OLD LADIES ROCK
Is We Kin?
Two good ol' boys in an Alliston trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Honda plant.
After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!"
Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.