Jokes and Giggles
Chapter 224

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt

The English language is always evolving. For those of us over 50 here's the new lingo...

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as

'HILLBILLIES' and/or 'REDNECKS"

You must now refer to them as

APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore,

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' -

She is a

BREASTED AMERICAN. '

2. She is not 'EASY' -

She is

'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a

'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a

'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes

' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a

' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a

'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is

' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3 ... He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He

' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in

'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of

RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's

'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.'


This is compliments of mike

So Frank, hearing about Eric's idea, thinks it might solve his problem, off to the tattooists and says "hey can you tattoo my dick to look like a stick of celery?" to which the tattooist replies, "I can tattoo anything, but I'm tellin' ya it will hurt, and it will cost ya.

No problem says Frank, go ahead; well after a couple of hours of ouch aaargh and similar sounds the deed is done. As Frank gets out his wallet, the tattooist asks I've done some strange designs in strange places but that beats all, tell me why a stick of celery on your dick?

Well says Frank, my girls a vegetarian, she won't eat meat!


This is a little different: it is information for U. S. of A. citizens

Provided by Chuck.

Warren Buffet is asking each addressee to forward this email to a minimum of twenty people on their address list; in turn ask each of those to do likewise. In three days, most people in The United States of America will have the message.

I REPORT, YOU DECIDE.

The BUFFETT Rule

Salary of retired US Presidents... $180,000 FOR LIFE

Salary of House/Senate members... $174,000 FOR LIFE This is stupid

Salary of Speaker of the House... $223,500 FOR LIFE This is really stupid

Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders... $193,400 FOR LIFE Ditto last line

Average Salary of a teacher... $40,065 (pitiful)

Average Salary of a deployed Soldier... $38,000

I think we found where the cuts should be made! If you agree pass it on, as I just did.

Warren Buffet, in a recent interview with CNBC, offers one of the best quotes about the debt ceiling:

There is more of this chapter...
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