Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
These are compliments of chuck ... With thanks...
A handful of 7 year old children in Australia were asked what they thought of beer.
There were some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.
'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the pretttier my mum gets.'
--Tim, 7 years old
'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.'
--Melanie, 7 years old
'My Mum and Dad both like beer. My Mum gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'
--Grady, 7 years old
''My Mum and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'
--Toby, 7 years old
'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances.
One time he danced right into the pool.'
--Lily, 7 years old
'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.'
--Ethan, 7 years old
'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.'
--Shirley, 7 years old
AND THE BEST RESPONSE
'My Mum drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father.
Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'
--Jack, 7 years
This is also compliements of chuck
Little Johnny is always a real "piece of work"
The Polite Way to Pee
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: 'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her you have to go to the bathroom?'
Michael said: 'Excuse me, I need to pee.'
The teacher responded: 'That would be quite impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?' Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny said: 'I would say "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
The teacher fainted.
These are compliments of Allen
A 50-year-old lawyer who had been practicing since
he was 25 years old died and arrived at the pearly
gates of heaven. The lawyer said to St. Peter, "I
am surprised I died so young. I was very active
and always ate well. And I'm only 50 years old!"