Jokes and Giggles
Chapter 194

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt

These are compliments of p

Okay, here's a couple for you and the other crackpots here:

Question #1

What do cockroaches and human males have in common?

Answer #1

They both like to get into cracks.

Question #2

Why don't witches wear underwear?

Answer #2

To get a better grip on the broom.

This one is compliments of mike

Gus was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself. That same day Gus went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol.

All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to

Becky. At home, he found Becky was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the celebrated 69 position.

Gus, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day,

Gus went back to the doctor.

The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

"Well, not as I'd expected. When I fired the pistol, Becky shit on my face, bit three inches off my dick, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."

This is a thought piece from Earl...


Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side.

Victorian Police: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Plato: For the greater good.

Aristotle: It is the nature of all chickens to cross roads.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let him take.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping

50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Ronald Reagan: I forgot

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Moses: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

George W. Bush: The chicken obviously had some weapons of mass destruction stockpiled on the other side of the road.

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing justifies whatever motive there was.

Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road passed beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Ernest Hemingway: To die, in the rain.

Jerry Seinfield: Why does anyone cross the road?

I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, what the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken

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