Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
This one is compliments of chuck
Minnesota Phone Company
There was a Minnesota phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two
Norwegian guys and a team of two Irish guys.
So the boss met with both teams and said: "Here's what we'll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job."
Both teams headed right out.
At end of the shift, Pat and Mike, the Irish guys, came back and the boss asked them how many they had installed. They said that it was tough going, but they'd put in twelve.
Forty-five minutes later, Ole and Sven, the Norwegian guys came back in and they were totally exhausted.
The boss asked, "Well, how many poles did you guys install?"
Ole, the team leader, wiped his brow and sighed, "Sven and me, we got three in."
The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Irish guys put in twelve!"
"Oh Yah," said Ole, "but you should see how much they left stickin out of the ground!"
This one is compliments of tiller
A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Lucy raised a hand and said, "Our family are farmers, too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched." "That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am! My daddy told me this story about my
Aunt Mary. She was a marine in Afghanistan and she got on a transport back to her base still drunk.
Her plane got hit and crashed. She got out of the wreck in the middle of 40 enemy troops. She killed
30 of them with her rifle then she 7 more with her pistol, 2 with her knife and she killed the last one with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Don't fuck with my Aunt Mary when she's been drinking."
This one is compliments of Bill l love gorilla stories.
The zoo had just got a new gorilla. They were really proud of him. They had got him from a circus and he was very smart and knew many tricks and was a born mimic.