Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
When Insults Had Class...
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr.
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill.
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow.
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas.
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain.
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde.
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop.
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright.