Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
"Honey it's me. I don't want to alarm you, but I was hit by a car as I
Was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They've checked
Me over and done some tests and some x-rays. The blow to my head was
Severe. Fortunately it did not cause any serious internal injury. However I
Have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think
They may have to amputate my right foot."*
Wife's Response: "Who's Paula?"
This one is compliments of chuck...
TEXTING Daddy, I am coming home to get married, soon. Get out your check book. LOL I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in
Australia, and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on
Skype, and now we'vehad two months of relationship through Viber. My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding."
Lots of love and thanks, Your favorite daughter,
Dad's reply ... also by texting
My Dear Lilly: Like Wow! Really? Cool!
Whatever... , I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through Paypal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on Ebay.
One day I had lunch with some old friends. Jim, a short, balding golfer type, about 85-years old, came along with them; all in all, it was a pleasant bunch.
When the menus were presented, my friends and I ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Jim who said, "A large piece of home-made apple pie, heated please."
I wasn't sure my ears heard him right, and the others were aghast, when Jim continued, completely unabashed..."along with two large scoops of vanilla ice cream."
We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time, but when our orders were brought out, I didn't enjoy eating mine.
I couldn't take my eyes off of Jim as I watched him savoring each bite of his pie a-la-mode. The other guys just grinned in disbelief as they silently ate their lunches.
The next time I went out to eat, I called Jim and invited him to join me. I lunched on a white meat tuna sandwich, while he ordered a chocolate parfait. Since I was chuckling, he wanted to know if he amused me.
I answered, "Yes, you certainly do, but you also confuse me. How come you always order such rich desserts, while I feel like I must be sensible in my food choices?"
He laughed and said "I'm tasting all that is possible for me to taste. I try to eat the food I need and do the things I should in order to stay healthy, but life's too short, my friend. I hate missing out on something good. This year I realized how old I was. (He grinned) I've never been this old before, so, while I'm still here, I've decided it's time to try all those things that, for years, I've been ignoring."