Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
These are compliments of mousepotato
Here are some for the young at heart.
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?
And that, my friend,
Is the definition of 'OLD'!
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker Came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'
'96, ' she replied: 'Two years younger than me'
'So you're 98, ' the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Not hardly worth going home, is it?"
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
About being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied,
'No peer pressure.'
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my Florida driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour...
But, by the time I got my leotards on,
The class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and